90 Meetings in 90 days?

[jenny8575309]

Can someone tell me what this is about?  I went to another meeting last night.  It was bigger there were probably 30 or 40 people there.  A few people said hi to me, and made me feel welcome, but I still felt uncomfortable and out of place.  I guess it's my own insecurity for not opening up, and trying to make friends.  I didn't realize what a puss I am socially when I'm sober.  I really enjoyed the content of the meeting tho.  I learned something, and I guess that's what's important.  I guess I just felt that the meeting wasn't really portraying, "The most important person in the room is the newcomer" attitude.  I felt like the people there were already close to each other, and I was out of place.  Nobody really went out of their way, or was really interested in me at all.   I don't regret going by any means tho, and I'm sure it will get better.  Can any one tell me what the deal is with the 90 meetings in 90 days things?  Is there a story or reasoning behind this?

[alwaysanaddict]

I believe in you. :-)

[jenny8575309]

thanks gobig.....  I like the people at this meeting, i guess i just want them to like me.  I'm not going to give up tho.  Am i talking to people, not really.

[Gobig]

Here's this if you haven't seen it - http://www.hascona.com/schedule/Schedule.aspx


Just hang in there.  Are you taking welcome chips?  Are you talking to people?  Not sure what your choices are like, but find meeting that you like - and go to ones you don't ever there are no others, and you will meet folks.  I went only to N.A. my 1st 4 months clean, but now I go to A.A. as well - started doing that because I like early meetings, and in the L.A./Hollywood area, N.A. folks don't seem to get out of their coffins until around noon.  Anyway, make the meeting you like most your home group and try to get a commitment.  It works!

[jenny8575309]

Houston

[Gobig]

Which NA area are you in?

[IBKleen]

Jenny, like everyone has said" It is not you. Oxypen hit it right on the head.

You are going to listen and learn, and that is important. Try another meeting, as suggested. You will find where you are comfortable. As far as finding a sponsor----I didn't know how to do that and then someone told me to listen and find the person who had something that I wanted. So I listened and I heard this woman speak. she had what I wanted so I got  hold of her after the meeting and asked her if she would sponsor me "temporarily" (I wasn't taking any chances..LOL). She said yes, and she temporarily sponsored me for 5 years!!

Hang in there and keep going back.

[alwaysanaddict]

Keep going. it will get easier. do you have a friend to go with? if not it doesn't matter. most of the girls there have been there for awhile. You're doing great. keep going.

[oxypen]

Hey hon, you are doing awesome.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.  I can remember feeling the exact same way, and probably most of us on here have, the social thing is just one of the reasons we use, just relaxes us or something.  As for NA, they will come around.  i think they are so used to people coming and going, that's no excuse they should have made you feel welcome but they all have come a long way themselves and have developed great bonds between each other.  Just think of the bonds that you are forming here in just a short while.  Keep going, and as CATUF said, try another group in your area, you will find one that you'll feel comfortable and excepted in.
Your body chemstry is fine, a whole lot better than it was, just keep going.  I'm proud of you, I haven't even been able to go to a meeting yet, still at home detoxing and feeling miserable. take care

[jenny8575309]

I went to my third meeting in three days last night, and I felt like and outsider.  I'm serious, all the girls there are like sisters.  I want to get a sponser, but I don't want to bother anyone, I'm sure the girl I want to be my sponser has alot of people she does that for.  I walk up, and their just chatting on and on about their life, I barely even got a nod, much less a welcome.  It kinda pisses me off too, you would think that there would be some kind of code of conduct for making people feel welcome.  Is there something wrong with me?  I'm afraid because I want this so badly, I need this so badly, but I'm very sensitive... Will being ignored at NA hurt me more than it helps me'?  Maybe I'll try a different group. Anything you have to say will be appreciated, as always.

[Gobig]

Don't be concerned with being useful - you will be!

[addictedme]

" the newcomer is the most important person because we can only keep what we have by giving it away"

[jenny8575309]

thanks guys, I appreciate it.  I want to share I think, but then again I just want to listen, I don't feel like I have anything to say that would be usefull to anyone at this point.  I'll just listen for awhile.

[david0263]

I just started going to NA last friday.  I had a friend that is in AA go with me so it was easy that time.  After that meeting I went by myself to a different meeting.  It was one of the hardest things I have done in a while.  I can't believe that these pills have taken away my ability to talk to people.  If I was high I would have no problem, it just really sucks.  I'm with you though, I felt totally like an outsider but I did share.  I just let them know that I am two days clean, going through WD's and really uncomfortable.  Going through those doors has to get easier because it can't get any harder.  Best of luck to you.

David

[alwaysanaddict]

I think it is okay to feel isolated. there is nothing wrong with you. You are the one recovering, you should be proud of yourself. Let yourself be isolated. don't stress over it. if the time ever comes when you want to open up or get a sponser, or even just call anyone on the list. (did they give you a newcomer list?) Let yourself feel whatever it is that you're feeling. That is good. There are steps into recovery. Don't worry, your not crazy. i'm always here to talk about anything.

[Gobig]

I did more than 90 in 90 - just do it.  And, if you don't like a particular meeting, find another.  But since you're so new, just keep going - it will all make sense....

[CATUF]

The 90-in-90 deal came from the early days of AA, of which NA is a virtual clone.  Basically, they found that folks who made it 90 days without relapse had a much better chance of sustained Recovery; that the 90 day point represented some sort of threshold and that being at a meeting every day increased the chance of getting to that threshold.

There would seem to be a sound basis for this.  A recent Time magazine article on addiction notes:

"One important discovery: evidence is building to support the 90-day rehabilitation model, which was stumbled upon by AA (new members are advised to attend a meeting a day for the first 90 days) and is the duration of a typical stint in a drug-treatment program. It turns out that this is just about how long it takes for the brain to reset itself and shake off the immediate influence of a drug. Researchers at Yale University have documented what they call the sleeper effect--a gradual re-engaging of proper decision making and analytical functions in the brain's prefrontal cortex--after an addict has abstained for at least 90 days."

see http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1640436-3,00.html

As far as feeling like you fit in at meetings, I found that I had to go to a number of different meetings to find the ones where I feel "at home."  Meetings are like people - each one has its own personality.  Also, I found that (at least in this area) I simply fit in better at AA than at NA, so these days I go only to AA (about 5 meetings a week).  Some folks will tell you that you won't be welcome at AA if you're a drug addict and that they will send you packing.  I have not found that to be the case at all - the vast majority of people in AA these days view "drug addiction" and "alcoholism" as being pretty much the same thing.

Nonetheless, there are some groups that want to be alcohol-only, which do take a harsh stance.  There is one, and only one, such group in my city, so I don't go to their meetings.  At the meetings I do go to I am not just tolerated, I am a fully accepted member - at one of my meetings I am currently the Treasurer and at another I was the designated "leader" for 13 months.

Keep coming back.

CATUF
Day-883

[jenny8575309]

thanks for responding, i was beginning to get a complex, I posted something about feeling isolated and alone, and i didn't get any responses.  I was starting to feel like i was in the twilight zone or something.   I haven't talked yet. Is it my imagination or it normal to feel isolated?  I'm seriously thinking there is something wrong with me, like I told ya'll before it's like my body chemistry naturally repels people.  I hope I don't sound like I'm whining, but this is really a problem for me.  I think it's held me back alot in my life, and I need to do something about it....But what?

[uberadtx]

Congratulations on being sober.  Its the hardest journey you will take but one you only have to do once if you want to.  Newcomers are the most important person because they remind the oldtimers of where they were, whats its like and how it never changes.  Being new in a meeting is extremely overwhelming so they like to keep it simple (or keep it simple stupid KISS) for people new to sobriety.  It takes a long time for your mind to clear after drugs and alcohol and it seems that if you keep coming back, focus on one meeting a day and dont pick up your chance of success is WAY better than no help at all.  There is really no story behind the suggestion.  It is merely some advice people give to stay sober one day at a time.  But for us in recovery we need to hear things about a thousand times before it sinks in.  Also, newcomers can be scary people for addicts/alcoholics that have some 24 hours put together.  You reflect many things to everyone but give it a chance, your mind will clear and you will hear something that makes perfect sense to you. When you do, acknowledge the person who said it.  Everyone in the room has social anxiety issues you just think everyone has it together.  Keep me posted on your progress!

[alwaysanaddict]

NA says if you can make 90 meetings in 90 days, you are on the road to recovery. basically staying commited to coming to the meetings and opening up and learning from others and listening. It took me awhile to share. I would just listen. do you have anyone to go with you? cuz that helps.

i did not make 90 meeting in 90 days, but I did do 30. it was too hard. I remember getting my first 30 day clean tag and it felt so good to get all the hugs! finally, I got my 2 year clean tag. It was great.

I haven't been there since, I need to go.It is a great support group if you can hang in there. Try to see if there are other meetings in your area, instead of going to just one spot.