Addiction

[Hopeless333]

My father's addicted to freebasing cocaine.  He doesn't know I know and that it hurts me so much.  What do I do?? Where do I go from here?? Why can't things be normal, like when were kids and he was my super hero??  I feel lost...

[Hopeless333]

I never thought of it that way. And you're right.  Sometimes...sometimes I just feel consumed, consumed by my dad's choices and decisions. We used to be a tight knit family and I suppose through the years my dad found a release.  

Work is stressful for him.  He's been working himself to the bone for 24 years, at the same job, trying to make ends meet and keep his family afloat.  I suppose it got to him and he turned down this path.  

Nevertheless,  when he's under the influence, shall I say,  he's agressive and beligerent.  He's paranoid and in another world-not realizing what he's doing to us.  Right now and at this point in time,  he can't be helped.  So, I do realize that I need to turn to God for guidance. For guidance and strength to overcome this and feel normal, and like a part of society.  Since he doesn't know I know, he doesn't realize that his use effects me greatly.  I'm depressed. I'm sad and torn up inside, thinking why aren't we enough to make him happy. Why can't he be high off life, with his family who loves him dearly. *sigh*

I look to GOD

[gizzy32]

I am sending you a link, not sure if any are in your area, but ask your Mom too. Alanon or narcanon is for family members dealing with a loved one and addiction.  Your father is lost right now, you can support him, but NOT his addiction. Hope this link helps. My heart goes out to him and your family. Hope he sees the light soon.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html

[Hopeless333]

Oh my goodness, thank you for your response.  With the support I've received so far,  I feel as if a humongous weight has been lifted.

Both me and my mom know, no one else.  Not his family, or my older brother who is away at college, or my youngest brother who needs his father's guidance.  My father doesn't even know that I know, I believe he doesn't want to know or doesn't care.

Everyday he does this,  everyday for hours and hours on end and it hurts.  I feel as if I don't have a father because he's either 1) freebasing in the garage or 2)  disconnected from our family.  When he comes in after getting high he locks himself in the restroom for an hour at a time.  He doesn't really talk to us or eat dinner with us.  My father simply goes to sleep.

I can't believe this happening.  When I was younger, my father was my hero...he was superman...so strong and vibrant-full of life.  Now he's depressed, closed off and in denial.

[gizzy32]

I am so sorry your dealing with this. Have you tried to talk to him? It's true he will have to want to quit for himself, this is a very powerful drug and he will probably need help.

Cocaine is my drug of choice, but I am clean from it now.  Drugs change people and he is not himself while using, but that is NO excuse, there is help out there for him. Does anyone else know of his addiction in your family? I think an intervention is also a good idea, sometimes it can get through to an addict and get them to seek help. Please stick around, you will get a lot of great advice and support here. Don't give up hope hun. Keep posting!

[Hopeless333]

Thank you so much for your kind words.  I couldn't confront him though-he feels he's indestructible and on top of the world...no one can touch him, nothing will save him.  But it does help in knowing that people have kicked an addiction and now I'll leave it in God's hands.