spouse has vicodin addiction need help plz

[need advise plz]

Hi
I hope that I found the right site here. I am very scared. My husband I believe is addicted to vicodin ... he takes approx 15-30  per day.. he also drinks when he takes them ..(drinks mostly at night) but takes the pills from a.m. to p.m. I have told him to leave as I cannot deal with his alcholism and his vicodin addictions both.. he has been doing these vicodin for approx 2 years now and daily for the last year.. it scares me to death that he will die from this as his sister did 3 years ago..he becomes very irratable easily and looses his temper without any provocation. I dont know what to do.. I told him he needs to get help and he just calls me names etc... he said he doesnt care if he lives or not but I dont think thats true I think thats his cry to attention.. I cant deal with all this and my health problems. I am 4 days out of surgery for a cancerous ovarian mass.. I feel like I have abandoned him but he isnt really there for me emotionally and I dont need this stress... is there anything that I can do or say to help him??? plz any help will truly be appreciated

[beachtowel]

Sorry that he is living in the insanity of addiction and even worse since he is there your there with him.....
He needs to go directly into an inpatient detox then straight from there into an inpatient drug rehab.........
This has to happen or you will also live in the insanity of his addiction.......

his head is all screwed up his addiction has distorted his thinking, his emotions thats why he lashes out like he does......addiction only knows destruction,,,that is what addiction does the best it destoys people, it destroys families........


Now unfortuneatly you cannot help him with his addiction, he has to stop himself once he stops then he will need your love and support to get and stay in recovery.........

You need to look into his eyes and ask him if he will check into an inpatient drug rehab?

If he is not ready yet now it is up to you whether or not your willing to continue to live in the insanity of his addiction.........

suboxone is a very good for what it does it gets hooked addicts through their W/Ds but does nothing for the addiction so if he really is not willing to stop I think it is a waste of time.........

I would make him go into rehab so that his brain can heal......but it is your family and your life......but if he does not want help that does not mean that you have to crawl around in the mud with him.....

Sorry for the place your at.....the only way it gets better is if he gets clean period.........

[allaboutmary]

I was pissed off at everything and everyone while on the pills. They completely changed my personality. I was always picking arguments and just not happy with anything. I am very lucky I still any friends left. That is very nice and probably the only help you can give your husband, keeping him on insurance. Like most have already said here, He has to want to get clean. Take care of yourself. You can't help anyone if you are sick. I hope everything turns out good with your cancer. This forum helped me so very much, maybe if he could just read some comments on this site he would realize he is not alone. Best of luck to you both.

[need advise plz]

luker
I left my husband a msg and told him that I will be willing to keep the insurance for him if he wants it..if not to just let me know so that I can cancel it. I told him that is all I can do for him. he just called back and left me a msg that plz do keep it as he might want to check himself into a rehab...he was slurring and sounded pretty messed up ... said he just woke up from a nap... it scares me when he is like that... but thank u I think at least I can give him the opportunity to help himself... as I said to him thats all I can do for him he needs to do the rest.. its up to him....

[need advise plz]

i have seen many comments abt Suboxone thank you for your insight..your vicodin addiction sounds like his (amount) he says he cant live in reality and likes to get out of his mind... I dont understand that and he drinks sometimes alot sometimes not so much... the other night he drank almost a half gallon of vodka.. that was alot along with vics... his sister died from that same combination 3 years ago... he has issues and no friends at all...he is very isolating at times...he is bipolar and should take his meds but only does when he wants to ... I will let him know that I will keep the ins for him as u suggested.. I guess its my way of saying that this is all I can do for u .. its your choice whether u want it... if he goes back to california the ins wont be any good... I just am afraid that he will use it for more vics but maybe I will tell him he has 6 months to use it ... my ins will pay for rehab inpatient and then outpatient ... why does he blame me for all of this and his anger etc... he picks fights why??

[lurker]

It won't kill him but it is very unpleasant.  withdrawals from the drugs causes sweats, chills, restless legs, severe diarrhea, insomnia and achiness not to mention the cravings.  If he can, taking Suboxone is the best way to go.  It's a drug made to help with withdrawals.  There are only certain doctors who can prescribe it so you can go to suboxone.com and search for one in your area.  I tapered down from 30 10mg Norco (Vicodin) per day to 8 and then went cold turkey for two days and felt like death warmed over.  I started on the Suboxone yesterday and I am fully functional and having no withdrawals but am not high from the meds like I would be from the narcotics.  If he's withdrawing from alcohol at the same time it's risky because depending on how much he drinks he could be at risk for seizures.  but to be successful, he'll need to go off of everything.

[need advise plz]

if he tries to detox himself what is it going to be like?? what happens when u go thru that ... is it gonna hurt him?? can u describe it

[lurker]

He's mad at everything right now; you cannot take it personally although I know that is hard.  You have to just remember that almost everything he says and does is under the influence of drugs and alcohol.  I was a totally different person at the height of my addiction and didn't care about anything else.  It's only been recently that I've really realized how much I hurt those around me, without even trying.  If there's a chance your insurance will help him get detoxed, perhaps you could keep him on it and see but if he has money to go to Mexico for narcotics, he can afford to pay for his own insurance and detox.
keep asking - everyone here is very supportive. Not a lot of folks on-line on Saturday afternoon but people will offer you a lot of advice.  take what you need and leave the rest.

[need advise plz]

luker he doesnt have health ins so when he came here I told him I would get him ins so that he can get some help and he said yea get the ins for me.. so I did then all he wanted to know was what doctor could he go to so that he could get more vics... should I remove him from my ins as it costs me 225 per month more and he said he wants the divorce finalized... why is he mad at me?? I am sorry to ask so many stupid questions but never having dealt with any addictions of my own I just dont understand the whole addiction thinking process

[need advise plz]

I am doing well thank u ... and yes he took all but 6 when I was 3 days out of surgery... then he went to mexico and called to say he has some more for me..I told him that is the appitimy of selfishness on his part then  I said I dont want them....and he said fine have a good life...he is so hurtful...

[lurker]

I think you answered your own question about the Vicodin addiction.  He's addicted...I know that you want to think he isn't but having been where he is, I know he is.  And he will need to reach a point where he wants to be off the drugs and booze before he'll get better.  I am so sorry for you..are you doing okay post operatively?  Do you have any help?  He isn't taking your pills is he?

[need advise plz]

so in 3 weeks there has been at least 400+ ingested ... ow and how long can your body take that kind of abuse until it starts to show problems... od or some other health issues ... he takes 5-6 at a time at least 3-5 times a day minimum

[need advise plz]

one more question?? is there a chance that he is not addicted to the vicodin?? in 3 weeks he has gone to mexico 3x to get more and even flew back to another state to get some to... isnt that called addiction action or something like that... he has also lied abt getting more...so is there any chance that hes not addicted and maybe .........

[need advise plz]

I do have wonderful friends and family to help me right now...I dont understand why he is so angry all the time... can anyone shed some light on that for me.. he always says ow yea it all my fault (the problems ) he says ow thats right u never do anything wrong... why is that.. ow and why or is it common for an addict to be totally controlling of there partner??

[need advise plz]

luker
the house here is mine alone so he was the one that left to a hotel..for 10 years I have dealt with his alcholism and was actually happy when abt 8 mo ago he was diagnosed bipolar thinking the meds might help him but he drinks and does vicodin and goes on and off his meds... I have realized that I have to take care of me right now because I cant and never have been able to depend on him financially or emotionally.. I started the divorce in june but didnt finish it totally... he said go ahead get it done...I dont want u... but yet he comes here .... and wants to stay in my home ... I think I am just his safety net

[addictedme]

Well, your not dealing with 2 things (alcholism and vic addiction),your dealing with 1 addict. He probably knows that booze and pills are about as deadly a combo as you can get.So like all addicts he has to come to his own bottom. What you can do is take care of you both physically and mentally. The mental part can be finding a naranon meeting or any kind of support including this forum. Seeing you get help may make him think a little bit more about where hes at.Call an na/aa hotline for info on support. I honestly believe in the na tradition that its attraction rather then promotion. If I"m using and you tell me what you think I should do its just going to make me angry but if I"m attracted to how your life is going and how you deal with your problems I may want what you have. Gl ,,,keep posting and take care of YOURSELF

[PromisedLand]

you need to take care of yourself and have someone to take care of you after surgery such as this..is there a family member/friend you can call on to help get him out of the house and then stay with you to help you?

Jim

[need advise plz]

he will admit that he is an alcholic and he is bipolar... he stated just the other day that yea maybe i am an addict.. he is always mad at someone or something...every single day... It becomes unbearable for me and I feel bad for just wanting to finally give up...

[lurker]

You need to focus on what is best for you right now.   I pray your cancer is cured.  Your husband won't get clean until he wants to - do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and be safe in your environment.  Can you leave if he won't?  Know that as an addict, he will take it out on those closest as that is the safest person - I know that sounds crazy but that's what we do.  please take care of yourself.  Keep posting and getting support wherever you can

[need advise plz]

yes I have given the ultimatum - he said he needs me to have unconditional love for him or nothing... We just got back together after I left me abt a year ago... he got violent ... he came here to to be with me for the surgery but of course he picked a fight the day before and left... had to call someone else to take me to the surgery..I am at my wits end...I dont know what to do

[GA Guy]

It's very evident that he doesn't want help right now. As I see it, you have two choices. You can leave him, which may kick him into seeking help. Or, you can gather his friends and family and do some sort of intervention. The best thing may be to leave and do the intervention...return when he's well. NO addict will even begin the road to recovery unless the addict admits he's an addict. Your husband is not at that place yet. So, you must take care of yourself. If anybody needs Alanon...it's you. Try to find a group..or a group meeting for spouses of addicts. God bless.

[Carrie76]

I'm so sorry that your having to deal with that!! I cant imagine how that must hurt you. But I'm sorry to say that the way he is acting doesnt sound very good. Until he admits that he has a problem and WANTS to get clean, there isnt really anything you can do for him. HE has to want it. Until he does, then he's just gonna keep acting the same and bringing you down with him. Have you tried giving him an ultamatum? Telling him that unless he decides to quite, then you cant live that way anymore or be around him?