Back again and kinda scared this time

[mintifresh]

I was on this site before when I was trying to get off vicodin and tramadol and I managed a month before I relapsed. I meet alot of nice and helpful people on this site that helped me alot. Once I relapsed things just started to get worse and deleted my account here cause I felt there was no hope for me.  In that time I've been using tramadol, percocets and now my latest addiction adderall.

I tried it the first time last week and since then I can't stop. I've gone on 2-3 day binges with  no sleep or food just using. I even got into the habit of snorting them too. I just can't stop. As it is I was painfully thin while I was using painkillers for over 2 years. Since my discovery of adderall I think I'm starting to look really sick. I'm pretty sure my patents can tell. Even when I was using tramadol and to be honest most days I trained myself to never have more than 4 pills a day which is 200mgs. It took me a couple of months to learn not to abuse them but once I took that Adderall it just like turned on a switch that I can't turn off. I don't even take my tramadol which is a legit prescription I have I just want adderall. When I think about if I could I'd keep taking them non stop prolly till I dropped of malnutrition or ended up in the hospital. Every morning I say the same thing to myself. Ok not today I won't use any today and then it's like ok just have a half of a pill or snort a little then next thing I know I'm sitting in my room 2 days later no sleep or food like a zombie. I'm scared and I'm desperate. I have no judgement or perspective when it comes to this drug. Vicodin and painkillers I understand but this is something i dont totally understand. Vicodin was always tempting but adderall for me just has this seductive and sneaky way of tempting me which i dont fully comprehend. Any advice or suggestions are as always greatly appreciated.

[LeaAnn807]

Well, it's great that you came back here and admitted your problem!  Were you doing any aftercare?  That is essential!  What you need right now is inpatient detox.  Nothing less.  You're going to die if you don't, sweetie!  I don't wanna see that happen.  

[FourJays]

Welcome back....so glad to see you here; it says a lot about your desire to beat this.  You have caught it early on and realized it is a problem; you can stop this before the "claws" sink in deep as Smiling experienced.  What do you thing about the inpatient therapy suggestion; is this an option for you?  It really could make your detox easier and safer and give you some time to deal with this without any outside factors that could threaten your success.  Please consider this, OK?  We are here for you.......

[toothfairie]

So glad you came back!!  I know you can beat this. Just let us help. Keep posting for support. It takes courage to come back and ask for help. You did the right thing!  Have you thought about out or inpatient therapy?  And to help detox?  Just stay focused on what will give you freedom.

Lisa