Cocaine death

[pcalifa]

My son was 19.  He used cocaine intravenously for 3 years, particularly heavy the last year.  One night he was alone, had a lot of coke, and couldn

[pcalifa]

God Bless each one of you.  I am so deeply touched with your compassion and empathy.  I didn't read this for a few days and am overwhelmed today with the thread of Love woven through all of these words.  Also by reading about some of your struggles you have shown me some of what Aaron was fighting.  I feel the support of all of you blessed survivors, and for me that is a gift from Aaron that he was only able to give me through you. You all seem to be so very sensitive, as I know he was.  So caring, as he was.  Wanting to help others, as he always yearned to do.  I am grateful for the variety of comments, and even that I didn't check back for a few days.  In reading them all together somehow the combination of feelings and reflections helped me understand his experience in a more rounded way.  You're all correct:  Who knows?  About all I'm left with is that there is great power in Love and Love never never dies.  Thank each one of you so much for everything you offered me, each and every comment had meaning for me. God does work in mysterious ways.  My prayer is that each of you find the Peace you wished for me.  Love, Pat

[jennyfla]

I am so sorry about the loss of your son, that must be so very very difficult.  I'm a mother of three, and i just couldn't imagine your pain.
I have used Coke and Crack during my lifetime (not my drug of choice by far), but all in all, i have experienced some of the drug's evils.
I've done too much to the point of thinking that my heart was going to come out of my chest at any moment.  I know that awful feeling of wanting more, at any cost!!!!  The high is very short, and you ALWAYS want more!!!  One part of coke i hated was the 'coming down' part.  It almost wasn't worth the 'high' for me, I hated it that much!!!!
During one of the occasions that i did crack, i remember just running around the house like a crazy person.  I wanted more, and i wanted that same 'first hit' high again (which never happens by the way).  I just wasn't satisfied, it was crazy!!!
I think, in a way, you might be looking for something that really doesn't exist.  I don't know what pushed you son to do what he did, it almost sounds like he had other things he was dealing with in his life besides drug abuse.  I think it may be the actual problem or problems he was trying to escape by getting high that finally got the best of him.
You have a good attitude, you understand that your son is at peace and in a better place.  Living a life filled with drugs is a horrible way to live, especially a life filled with coke!  May his soul live in everlasting peace, and i pray that you two will be together one day again!
Lv Jenny

[cindi]

WE all have those days  those weeks  hell, even years of ****...we can put everything behind us and never discuss it again...I do understand you are hurting not only physical but it sounds emotional as well, and just like me and mostly everyone here the emotional pain at times outweighs the physical....you do not have to share anything with us that makes you uncomfortable,,,,maybe someday...we are not here to pressure you...if you ask we can offer advice and opinions and if you would like us to just listen and give you a shoulder we will be more than happy to do that as well....there are no apologies necessary here... as we know and understand what this disease can do to us..as well as the pain....please keep coming back and hang in there...if you need us we are here for you...good luck and God bless us all     love to all cin

[katie r]

Hey....we all have those days. At least I know I do. That was what brought me to this forum.....I was out of lortab one day and felt so incredibly crappy I started out looking for advice. That was about a year ago....since then I have continued to use the drugs...then come here when I run out. The kind of day you just described.....I think I can speak for everyone....we've all had them! Just keep coming here...it does help to know you're not alone.

[justmee]

I would like to sincerely apologize for using this forum to respond in a way that was not appropriate with the purpose for which it was created. I would like to also apologize to everyone who had to read the things I said. I know from reading this forum for the past couple of weeks how caring and understanding the people are who come here are.  

I am really not like that.  I had detoxed down to two 5mg of vics per day since last Sunday and Thursday got a horrendous tooth ache, couldn't get an appointment to have a root canal and by Saturday I was popping 1 vic an hour and still in pain.  I also have chronic back pain and saturday it was really bad. There is not enough time to go into the other devastating events of the past week.  This is not an excuse, I just thought someone may be curious.

I feel totally embarrased about what I said and if anyone feels the need to say anything about what went on please don't think badly of me if I don't respond.  I am listening and I hear you. I will continue to get help from reading the messages on this forum.  But I don't think I will be comfortable sharing, so please don't take this the wrong way. I has nothing to do with you cindi, just me. Thank you to everyone here.  You all are incredible.

[cindi]

Thank you Shea,,,even though you and I have never had the opportunity to interact very much I have always admired yur posts...and your honesty...like I said  those that know me from this forum know that I do not intentionally say cruel and hurtful things to people and at times I have been referred to as the peacekeeper as I try to keep the peace during little disagreements as conflict is something I try to avoid..I also have been called the "protectress" as I come to the defense of those people here I care deeply about and that is just about everyone  LOL   again thank yoi for your encouraging words....love to all   cin