Crack Hell!

[Kate]

I have just ended a year long relationship with a 15 year crack addict. He is the sweetest, smartest, most handsome man I have ever met. He is so gifted in so many ways. But he loves using more than anything in the world. I have spent 2 years of my salary on him, trying to get him clean. Two mental hospitals, four rehabs and six arrests later he is up to about a 3-4 hundred dollar a day habit. I know it has to come from within him and there is nothing else I can do. I would stay with him, if he would just stop the constant lying and cheating. Lies about everything and cheating with crack-whores and junkies.
What is it about Crack that would make someone want it more than your basic animal instincts of food, clothing & shelter. I have been tempted to try it just so I know the feeling. Any advice?

[missmae03]

He came out half an hour later. He went outside to look for people to sell it to. He sold 100 to one guy. He was in and out of that washroom probably 10 times. Everytime he would come out I would ask him to lay with me and he wouldn't he just kept looking out the window. I asked him why and he said because he thinks his best friend was after  him. I told him how can he possibly know where we are? and he said he just does and he put the little couch so it would block the way of the door and pretty much everything but the beds so no one could get in - HE WAS TRIPPIN. and i sat there and just watched him I could sleep. I know if i was to do the wrong move (call the cops call for help etc.) then he probably would have killed me if not killed me close to killing me. We had to check out the next day - - he did not look good, he didn't even sleep at all. We walked through downtown with our suitcases (LIKE I WAS HOMELESS) and he just freaked out for no reason he told me to stop walking behind him and to walk the oppsite side of where the street was because he didn't want anyone to look at me then one minute he would just start looking for things to yell at me then we just got into a huge arguement and he broke it off with me and called his friends saying "we're going out tonight I'm single!!". then after he would say sorry... We ended up at his friends house and it turned 12 he said HAPPY NEW YEARS to everyone BUT me. He even saw his friend kiss his girl and he just looked at them and went "AWWW" didn't even bother to come to me. After that he said he was going to go to the club and I told him I didn't have the proper clothes I was in sweats so he gave me money to rent out the same cheap hotel so we could have a place for the night. so i went back there and i tried calling him over and over and he said he was on his way back home (I couldn't get a cab cause it was so busy).

[missmae03]

He was a "drug dealer" and I would drive him around. One time he brought a crack head into my car and he took a hoot from his pipe I freaked out and kicked him out and as soon as I started to smell it I thought "what the hell that's the same sh*t you're smokin" but i didn't say it because I knew my ex, he had a short temper and I was just terrified of him. he then continued to smoke it Outside my family home, inside my car, when we would take a walk. And I started to act really funny around him and he could tell... Everyone was starting to suspect it - his best friend even asked him if he smoked and he freaked out and almost shot him... he asked him because he's the one who supplies him with the crack and he usually gives him it and tells him to pretty much double the money and he would never recieve not even half of the money my ex would owe him... We were living with his best friends at this time. After his friend asked him if he smoked he stole 500 dollars of his money and meet up with me (i didn't know about this money). This was a day before new years eve. He told me we should rent a hotel with the 500 but first buy smoke dope to "sell" so we could have more money later. So he spent 400 on the dope... and now we have only 100 for a hotel. He took me to the cheapest hotel possible SOO DIRTY. We got into the hotel and he ran right to the washroom.

[missmae03]

There were so many people watching and no one did ANYTHING (makes me sick). he left me there walking away screaming "****, *****". I cried to the train station and took the train home. I packed all my stuff and called my parents to come pick me up - within an hour or two they were there. To cut the story short - He went to jail that night and he called me crying and apligising and I was stupid and took him back .... He hit me again & I took him back - I don't know why I was just not using my mind.  I have a big heart and I believe people deserve chances... He got out of jail 11 months later and I came to pick him up.. he seemed really werid and just out of the ordinary. My parents agreed to let him live with us (only because that way they could watch me & feel more safe that I am home).  He worked with my dad and I worked with my mom everything was going good. He told me he started to smoke salvia he would take out some tabacco from his cig and put "salvia" at the end and smoke it. It got really frustrating and it got to the point where he was smoking it almost every 10 minutes. He would go outside and I wondered what the hell was so good about it.

[missmae03]

Hi I am turning 20 next month and my ex boyfriend was a crack addict. I met him when I was 16 and I thought he was perfect - he was one of those people you could just talk to about anything and he was cute and smart. I didn't hear from him again until a year later. I found out he had a warrent for his arrest (long story). Within these days until he got caught him & I "fell in love". It got to the point where I dropped all my friends, my family, just to be with him. My friends are the bestest friends a girl could ask for - and my family, they loved me - they provided me with everything I needed. I left and lied to my parents because I was young and naive. At this time he just had gotten out of jail and told me he would "never go back". He of course had conditions upon his realease. He had a 10 o'clock curfew and I kept him inside our home before 10 o'clock for a good 2 weeks. But one day he just decided he needed to go out to have a couple of drinks and he wanted me to go with him cause he knew I would get him home on time... Well, we got a little drunk but I still managed to call a cab at 9:15. It came on time and we were having fun being drunk. I rolled down the window and saw some of my friends that I knew through my cousin and I waved.  He looked at me and slapped me. We got kicked out of the cab and he slapped me and punched me right across the c-train station.

[Victory67]

I just found this site and god must have guided me here.  I just need to vent.  My soon to be ex husband just called me last night to ask for my forgiveness for all that he has put me through.  I told him i forgive him, but dont call me trying to pull at my heart strings, he is exactly where he has always wanted to be and then i shut my phone off.  We were together for 12 years and married 9 years, i literally ran after this man. He was so beautiful, he got me. He is a chef, i worked and he worked and would still come home and cook dinner for me.  But he to is an alchoholic and crackhead (found out about crack 5-6 years ago, i dont drink or smoke).  I always made everything, i mean everything, okay.  I am an enabler. I finally could not take it anymore, his anger, his 2 personalities, all of the lies, he constantly lied about everything, I dont know if he cheated, but if hes a liar, welll.....  He pawned everything i ever brought him.  He had me believe my family stole his jewelry.  He sold my new car to the dope man, it was a rental rock for a couple of days (what the police called it).  The police would not let me report it stolen at first, i finally got it back.  Our home is in foreclosure, we have 2 children and currently i am unemployed.  Who by the grace of god am barly getting by. I filed for divorce in feb 08' and the judge ordered he could stay in the home because he never hit me, i cried to the judge that he was putting his family in danger and that i caught him smoking crack on the porch, found his crack pipes and had to pay off drug dealers, because they were threatning us because he owned them money.  His family will have nothing to do with him. I finally got him out of the house about 1 month ago (really long story)  and sometimes i feel great, sometimes i feel really guilty for feeling so good.  Like all of the other people on this forum, i loved him more than i guess i loved myself.  To be honest i am still searching for my inner peace and a job.

Peace and happiness be with all of you

V

[xyborx]

From personal experience I know that Crack feels better than food or sex, (maybe not really hot sex) thats why it is crazy to get habituated to using it - It totally wrecks ones appreciation of all the simple, good things in life. It sounds like your ex-boyfriend has lost his soul and needs to be left alone to find himself through spiritual rebirth. You need to move on and find a real man to love and share your life with. Sweet, smart and handsome just does not amount to anything if you cannot feel empathy for the one you are meant to be caring about. I am surprised you wasted a year on him, you sound more intelligent than that. Oh well, live and learn. Better luck next time.