will this demon ever go away

[tdr78]

Well really dont know where to start.I started taking es 7.5 (hydro) then in got to lortab10-650(taking anywhere  from 60-70-a day)Really didnt know how bad i was until my wife left me.So i went to rehab the watershed.excellent place.I stayed their 10 days and my doctor said he was amazed that i didnt have any terrible problems.By the way i had been taking that many for about 5yrs.Well i got out & i did very good ,better then i expected.I just kept myself busy & tried to exercise as much as possible.Well i was going through a divorce ,just felt like my whole life was falling apart.Shortly after having 6month clean,i was hit by an 18 wheeler while on my crotchrocket.The 18 wheller was going 85 hitting me directly from behind.they cited the guy for failing his drug test,no cdl lic..I was in icu for 3 days,due to the fact they thought i was paraylized after realizing it was just a spinal contusions with severe road rash.i told the dr. at the er about my problem & they jusy said i would need this for the rest of my life(pain meds)i told themi would try a non narcotic pain reliever ultram.By the 2nd day i was hurting so bad i got my sis to call in a script(shes a dr.)immed. i was taking 30-40 maxidone 10/750 hydro. b/c of the road rash.Its been a yr and i have no pain (physically which is a mircle) but mentally they help so much.Ive dont the tapering & methadone for 3 days to get through the w/d but cant go a day w/o taking something to ease my mind.Wheter it be ativan 2mg or clonazpam 2mg.the main thing is i cant go 2 days w/o pain meds.I need help ,ive done it b4 but they say the 2nd time @ is always the hardest.The easiest thing to do would just end it all,and know i wont do that b/c i have a precious 5yr old boy who thinks the world of me.just dont like attending meetings,when i went i never spoke,i found it easier to speak on here.any sugg. please help,cnt take this to much longer!

[FLaddict]

In my profile journal there is a FAQ about Sub that you may find helpful.  Are you still on that large of a dose now??  It may take you a few days to stabilize on the Sub if so.

[tdr78]

thanks for all your replies,you dont know how much it means to see people relly csre sbout your recovery.!st thing monday i have to go p/u a script from my sis fro suboxone.I ve hears great reviews about it & ready to get out of this haze.God bless each & everyone of you.I got lucky b/c my sis wrote it dwn for pain,w/o that my insurance wouldnt cover it & it would have cost $325,but w/ ins. its only $5 for 60.Any suggestions on best way to take it,least amount of time on it?Once again greatly appeciate it!

[melinda144]

BLESS YOUR HEART i think sometimes we all feel like giving up , i know i do . i think , is this ever going to be erver , will i ever be normal again??? we will , together we all will .

[MICHAEL_777]

So sorry to hear about all that.  This is an excellent place to be.  Post specific questions as often as you need to.  Answers to a specific question tend to come quicker and more clearly on this forum.  Let us know how you might want to quit and we'll fill your monitor with everything you would want to read and then some.  I went cold turkey and it hurt like hell, but has made a lasting impression.  You'll be in my prayers.  Love and Strength to you!

[lurker]

The demon is an illness called addiction, and like diabetes or heart disease, it never goes away. But you can get a grip on it by admitting the problem and seeking help.  Being here is your first step.  I highly recommend suboxone like Tammer.  I took it for 7 days to get thru withdrawals and now take one every few days for pain control.  It is like a new lease on life.  you can read a lot of stories from people on it who've been on methadone too at naabt.org
Keep on posting here = look into suboxone (perhaps ask your MD sister about it) and you will get your life back and be able to be the daddy that your 5 year old so desparately wants.  
Peace

[tammer76]

I thought nothing would work for me either. I was taking about 30 or more norco's, about 20 perocete,15 tyenol #3,15 vicidion 750's. I was fed up with this drug chase. On this site someone told me to goto www.suboxone. com. I did. It helps you find a doctor in you area to help treat you.I don't know if you have ever heard of suboxone.But it takes away all withdrawls, it's even used for pain mag. it gives you back your life.I've been on suboxone now for 1 week 1 day. I couldn't explain how I feel.I feel like the person that was trapped inside me with all those pills I took. Now it like I'm seeing the world for the first time all over again. Like I was given a second chance. You should try it.Look on that website and read about suboxone first and tell me what you think. Oh and the suboxone totally takes away cravings for pill's , it really does. It' worth it.  Let me know what happen's


Tammer

[broknbck]

We all have a different story but the same battle. Cant tell u what 2 do, but this is what I did.
Research the hell out of this addiction-what it did 2 our brain, how to heal it, ect...

Why we take a pill??
Pain- I quit my job
Hectic lifestyle- I cut out a lot of social stuff and cleaning,stuff like that

Make a plan and set a date to quit.
Told everyone I know my plans and got herbs and vitamins, omodium, stuff to help symptoms.(research part)

Dig a trench and get ready for the battle!!!!!!!!   Fight and afterwards take care of everything else. I think it's better to be gone for a little while doing this and have the rest of our lives good. Instead of screwing things up more and more trying to cope with it.  

Good Luck, there's plenty of people who have done it, we can too!!!

[banana911]

wow, i am sorry, that is sad..... and complex.  i don't know if i can come up with anything useful to say.  but that is a hard story & i'm sorry.  you do say yourself that even though the return to meds was a legit med reason now you are taking them to get high (keep going) etc...   so i guess you are gathering up the strength to kick?  do you have a plan (cold turkey, addiction dr, back to rehab???) or are you trying to muster up a plan?  maybe scan back on all the posts & see what other people are doing/did.  

can't take this much longer = = i hear that brother!!!!!!!!  but do it with remaining here :)  with us!

good luck.  

[liscamdave]

Well, only you have the power to end your active addiction. And I agree that the 2nd time is harder. It was for me, but here I am 67 days clean after a 3 1/2 year Oxy Contin addiciton. I too have a child and she gives me the strength and motivation I need to keep moving forward. It can be done, but you truly have to want it or you will be fighting this fight for the rest of your life. We are here to help you. So please continue to post. Anything I can do, please just let me know.

Lisa

[Needhelp59]

Your post is so sad - there are so many here who can truly help you.  Just hang on.  You can do it - it will be hard but you can!  Just think of your little boy and let that be your motivation.  I read a lot of posts and it has really been helpful.  I stopped a 6 year xanax addiction, and it was tough, but now I am 10 months clean and feel better than ever!  Please don't give up!!