Day 2 - Sort Of

[Sean5110]

Yesterday morning I took my last hydro and then went to start a detox program using buprenorphine (I took the two too close together and for a few hours there, it was mighty scary). But things calmed down. The clinic also gave some supplements and a couple of these came in handy last night for a pretty restful sleep: clonidine and doxepin (others were given but I didn't use any: motrin 800, flexeril and donnatal). I will go and get my second of five doses of bup this morning. By Friday, the bup doses will be done but I'll still have some of the other meds mentioned above for following days.

But here is what I want to say: I just know that now is the time to quit. period. I do not doubt that this is the moment and I have to seize onto it for all it is worth. It is true that the mental part of withdrawal is the hardest. I remember on a recent post bmac (Bill) mentioned that during the first days he was always on the brink of tears (he wasn't proud of the fact, nor am I given that I am a 37 year old man with a job and family and just can't live live on the edge of emotional gushing). But I know exactly what he was talking about and I'm there again.

It is difficult to do anything at work, and frankly, that doesn't go over well here. My body is a lead weight and theres a damp towel stuffed tight into my head. I apologize for these downer posts but this is the only place I can concretely communicate my situation to others. Thank you all so much for your support. If you are the praying type, please remember me in the coming days.

Thanks,
Sean

[athena]

good morning to you also.I hope it really is a good one.

pixi

[athena]

lol,still cracking me up.I love it that you dont take things too seriously.When I read your posts,I would almost think Im reading my own words.We probably were sisters in a previous life,and developing a good friendship in this one.Some things are just meant to be,dont u think?Ok here goes.I worked on neuro unit at the hospital from 89-99.I stuck myself with a needle from a patient with hepatitis.I got B and C lol I always have to do things in a BIG way! I thought i just had the hong kong flu,so i didn't go to the doc for 7 months (IM sooooooo intelligent)by the time I called my doc,I had had a temp of 105 for a month and couldn't get out of bed any longer.To make a long story even longer I let it go for so long that I had some serious damage to my liver.I started taking the hydro for pain and soon realized that it gave me energy and generally made me happy.Untill that time,I just didnt realize how good opiates could make you feel.Thank god I didn't know this while I had access lol I have a 13yr old son who is the joy of my life.he is always asking when I will feel good again....lol I thought the hydro was making me feel good again.the funny part is that for the past year i was only taking about 2and 1/2 mg about 4 times a day,just to keep away those evil w/d.OMG,i've written a book!lol Yes! you are paranoid lol No really i bet people love your cheery posts.Dont stop!Soooooooo your in the land of 10,000 lakes and 1,000,000,000,000 mosquitos lol I lived in up of mich. most of my growing up yrs.I still miss the snow.Anyway.I cant even consider returning to work with my desire for hydro! Im sooooooo weak lol

LUV
DEBBIE

[lilmermaid]

Goodmornin everybody

[peaz]

I should be getting some stuff done, but I wanted to say hi. (I say this EVERY morning--get over it, Diane!!)  Hey--I wnated to point out to you---pixi/peaz----Debbie/Diane (didn't I see that name in one of your posts?) I just think that is SO cosmic, man!  I'm sure we were sisters in another life...  Anyway, I live in Minnesota now, lived in Alaska from '75-'82.  Met my first husband there, had a girl (now 22) and remarried and have another girl (now 15),  So that's a brief history.  There was so much of Alaska I didn't get to see in all the time I was there--it's just too big, and one has to fly in to so many places... I did hike aroung some glaciers, though, and it was awe-inspiring. I was SURE there was a God that day...One more thing---I liked it when you said you like my posts and they crack you up, but am I too flippant on this forum?  Do people wish I would take things more seriously? Should I not post so much?  Should I get treatment for this paranoia?? (A handful of vikes would do nicely.  DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT!)  Fill me in on your nursing gig and what led you to leave.  How could you not have been tempted w/ the narcs????  Luv----Peaz

[athena]

I think I need a shirt that says 'HELP! im talking and I cant shut up! lol I just couldn't leave out my favorite fellow hillbilly this morning lol I cant wait for THE GAME! You know which one lol

GO VOLS!!!!!!
pixi

[athena]

lol my cat posted before I was finished .As I was saying.I know your a little apprehensive about getting back in the real world of work,but it will probably give your self confidence a real boost.hope you and all the little goldens have a wonderful day.

pixi