Day 4 - I feel pretty good, how are you?

[CinCee]

This must be my lucky day, I get to start a question!

Good morning, my fellow withdrawers.  (Anybody got a better name than "withdrawers"?)  How's everyone?

[Witchywoman]

Hey there Jenny!
Happy birthday one day early girl! I wish I could be there to light the candles on your cake and give you a huge hug.

Good luck with starting the detox.  I missed whether you are going to try to taper or go cold turkey.  Have you been able to research using buprenex yet? www.cprflorida is a clinic near you that uses it.

I'll be going to a conference in Monterey with my mother (oi!) starting tomorrow, but I'll have my lap top with me and will definately check in to see how you  are doing. You have my email...please please feel free to write me if you need extra support or anything.  My yahoo email is ***@****

I keep forgetting to check that email box, so if you've written me there and I've not answered that is why. But I think you also have my non public email. Use it! I am here for you no matter what.

And you know something...don't let the fact that you have an addiction spoil your birthday. You have an addiction. Yes, it's a pain in the ass, but it is something we can do something about, and it doesn't make you a bad person. You have a heart of gold, the world is a better place because you were born, and you deserve to celebrate that day!

lots of love,
WW

[Chezz]

Glad to hear it Jenn. There is never a better time than NOW to quit.

I'll be here. I must be honest though. I sure hope I won't be up all night with the pain for the next week or 2. lol It's not that is that baddddd, it just drives me nuts. 4-10 pain scale. 10-10 is when I can't walk. lol 8-10 on annoying level. (people probably say that about me here too) ;)

You made the 1st step Jen. Now all you have to do, is BELIEVE in yourself. Before you quit, you really have to make it a resolution. You have to FEEL it inside. That no matter what, you don't want another pill. To know inside that YOU can do it.

Thats my take. That is why there are so many people here. We all have different views on what helped us get through it. So I hope more people will be here to give you support too.
Chezz

[jennyfla]

Hi Chezz, and thank you for the welcome!
I am familiar with 'the receipe' and plan to use it if it starts to get bad.
Good luck with your detox, day 5, that is wonderful!
I think i'm gonna end up with some sleepness nights soon, so if you're a night owl, maybe we could im or something to help eachother get through the rough moments.
I have a computer in my bedroom now, and it gives me some kind of security for some strange reason.
My bday is tomorrow, and next week my taper begins.  I have company coming tomorrow, and i don't want to be in withdrawal with family here, they don't know about my addiction.
I will start when they leave, and hopefully, i will be a success!
I'm more ready than i ever have been, so that is encouraging too.
I'm also excited about it, excited to finally put drugs in my past and get on with my life, which is very screwed up because of drugs!
Best of luck to you Chezz!
Jenny

[Chezz]

Thank you. Thank you for "getting" that out of me.
I have sent that to someone in my family that will get it to her.
Thanks again,
Chezz

[peaz]

Yeah, a GGGGGGIIIIRRRRRLLL as Chezz says,,,,,EEEEEWWWW!!!  I spread my cooties all up and down that thread--they don't stand a chance......Peaz

[Chezz]

Onestep - Here it is - ***@****

I know what you mean about the med issue. Its sooooooo hard. I could never imagine living that life. My issues seems so paltry compared to the people that have to actually DEAL with this for the rest of their lives.

Here is a little backround. Why this is so important to me.

My Grandmother runs a soup kitchen. She started out as a nurse in WWII. That is how my Grandfather met her. He died before I ever really got to "know" him. I was around 5. I will never forget seeing him with the oxygen bottle, and his wheel chair. That is the only memory I have of him.
My Grandmother made it through with the help of the rest of the family. She had 8 kids. She started the soup kitchen out of the back of a school. They let her come on the weekends and use the cafeteria to cook the food. From as long as I remember I would go and help. Every year it got bigger. We would bring presents for Christmas, Easter, ect. Anything was better than nothing in her book. For years she did this thanklessly. It is/was out of the bottom of her heart.
Now, 25 years later. It is a much bigger now. She got her own building, has a ton of volunteers. She has been recognised by the mayor, as well as so many other people. That doesn't matter though. It was never for "them".
She still goes. She is in a wheelchair and has a REAL hard time getting around. Yet she won't give it up. She won't give up until she can no longer go...
that is a day I don't want to come.
Her legacy will live on. SHE has made a difference in LIVES. Too many to count.
I can only wish that I had the will, strength, and unconditional love that flows from her. I will never measure up. She has given so much. She gives them dignity, love, and a full stomach. Even if it is only for the hour or so that they are there.

Someone cares........................................

I can never do enough in life to measure up to the love, devotion, strength, faith, that my Grandmother has.

I can try and help whenever I can. Be it the special olympics, or any other charitable event. I don't mean sending money.
To stand along side of some of those people, will give you strength. Just to feel that inside.
I have so many memories........Helping kids in wheelchairs with archery, at my 1st olympics will stay with me forever. I was old enough by then(12-14) to know that NOTHING in life is impossible. These kids could and DID everything I could do, and BETTER.

My Grandmother has instilled these values and selflessness in me. I can never say enough about her as a person.

It also hurts alot since my parents got divorced, I feel different around my "family". But one thing is for sure. I am going to take the time today to write my Grandmother and tell her how much she has meant to me. How she has changed my life......

I might just have to give it to her in person and spend another day at the kitchen. It makes me feel so good inside.

Thanks for listening.
Chezz

Here is the website - charmfoundation.org

Someone Cares Soup Kitchen

For those of you that are wondering. There are soup kitchens around the world. I helped out in Tokyo while I lived there. Even though the Japanese gov. says they don't have "homeless", they do.
I also helped out at the Olympics every year.
There is always time in my life to truly help and do it unconditionally...............thanks to my Grandmother.

Grandma.........................I Love You.

[athena]

my fingers are faster than my brain this afternoon.How are you doing today?Good I hope.You gave bmac a real shock! Finding out your a yucky girl and all.

pixi

[athena]

I gave my son the usual mom has the flu routine lol He asked me why i never get a flu shot lol I then told him that i took it and it gave me the flu lol A friend knocked on my door yesterday,I had smeared eyeliner,hair sticking up and an UGLY bathrobe lol Man she got out as quick as possible.Has no idea of my addiction.Im glad you got a laugh,I love being silly!I thought that part of me was gone for good.I think I almost od on vitamins this morning but feel GREAT!

pixi

[peaz]

Love your mottos!!!Like, you are SO DEEP, man!!!!  I also thought your comment about Pixi being a guy and having bigger problems than addiction was hilarious, too. (from a post yesterday).  You sound better and better everyday.  It's nice that you can detox at home and not have the whole work force see what a zombie withdrawl makes a person.  (Do your kids think Mommy  should be on Sesame Street?? Or Twilight Zone??)  LOL  Best of luck to ya.   Peaz

[Chezz]

Allisa, read my post above. I read the threads from the bottom to the top.

I hope you will have a better day when you are up. Let us know.
Chezz

[athena]

Oh yeah,my favorite mott was (If you have hydro,I will come)lol

pixi

[athena]

Welcome to this little spot in the world.You are not alone.It's really hard if you have a lot of pain to just get off all meds.I was just taking for the energy hydro gave me and then i lost that too.So here i am.Im not sure about tapering.I was never really able to do that.My motto was (If you lead a horse to water,he will drink it all) lol good luck keep posting.There are a lot of wonderful people here who really want to help you.

pixi

[onestep]

Thanks for the comment Chezz...if you feel ok with it give me your e-mail address and I'll send you to my web page...you might find it interesting...disabled sports stuff.

It's a fine line we disabled have to walk regarding meds. Many of us need them...then can't get off...I've now got arthritis in my index finger...my only index finger...it's swollen and hurts like hell....but I can't take Viox because of my liver....typing really gets it pissed off....

[Trend]

Hello Everyone
Never done anything like this before. I am a Vicodin addict trying to get off of them. Went to my doc 6 weeks ago and told him I wanted off of them. He says well you have a lot of pain I have something for you to take long term wont hurt. Gave me a script for Methodone 6 10 mg a day. Said I might not need to take that many just have to experiment. After being sick for a week and a 1\2 I went in and told him no more. He said just to cut back and I would be fine. Wrong! Couldnt sleep eat felt nausous all the time. All this while being married to someone who had no idea that I was an addict. I still had a bottle of Vicodin so I quit the Methodone and it took about 3 days for withdrawals to kick in. Now I was a 13 a day Vicodin habit. All it has taken is 4 per day for 2 weeks to I guess what I will call stabilize me and now I am getting ready to drop by 1\2 a tab a day. I do feel tired all the time and wake up about every morning with a headache but I am going to keep dropping till I am done. I do not know a good tappering schedule and was wondering if someone could maybe advise me. I also havent told doc what I have done and hope he will give me another script for Vicodin to finish this.
Thanks to anyone who has listened
Brian

[athena]

I know your going to the ortho doc today.This is going to be a test of your will if he offers you pain meds.Please!Please!Please! dont accept them.You are doing wonderful and i know that you never want to go through this again.I will be the little angel (or devil) on your shoulder while you are there.Feel free to argue with me while in the office.then the big men in white coats will take you off to thorazine world where you wont have to worry about hydro lol lol Good luck.Im praying for you.

pixi

[puma]

Jenny,

I remember you from about two and a half years ago. I was going through alcohol detox and stayed sober for almost two years although they put me on 10 mg of Klonopin to get off the alcohol due to DT'S and seizures. The pain from Fibro and Lupus forced them to give me 300 mg of straight codiene per day. I was flying high there for quite a while but off the booze.

I relapsed on the booze after I was terminated for the seizure disorder and my Doc got annoyed and tryed a triple detox! I went through hell for over three weeks and the hard DT's, almost died. She put me back on the Klonopin but cut it to 8 mg a day for aniety and seizures. I cannot take any other seizure drug except Neurontin and that doesn't cover as many problems as the Klonopin does.

I just recently started taking Ultram again since I am doing outdoor mowing which triggers seizures if I over do it. The pain gets severe. The way I look at it is, I would rather feel good now so long as I can function like a normal human being and be addicted rather than go completly 86 and be miserable and in constant pain with malaise and struggling to stay happy the rest of my life. You never know when your last day will be. Just think of all those folks on Sept. 15. How many went to work suspecting it would be there last day of life.? Did they really get what they wanted out of it?

Booze was always my main uncontrollable killer, but now I am off of it again for nearly one month. I feel much better than when I was drinking.

So how have you been and what's happening now?

Chatahan

p.s. you used to know me as wildcat, but we got hit by two typhoons in five days. Chatahan hit direct eye passage in early July this year. It's started with a wham,bam,boom,slam. My kind of typhoon season!

[Chezz]

Well Jenn, I'm not an old timer, but I am up too.

I am clean(day 5 or so), up in the middle of the night. And of all things, I am watching Golden Girls, and laughing. So I'm in pretty bad shape too. ;)

I know where you are coming from. Tomorrow, Thomas, Hippy and all the old timers will be here. I am sure they will remember you.

Are you already tapering? Or are you going to be tapering between now and next FRI? That would be a quick one.

Also, Are you familiar with the recipe? It will help with the w/d's. You can check down a ways it should be listed. Or of course the archives.

There are alot of new people(including me) here now. WE ALL are going through this. Chezz

[jennyfla]

Hi all,
I used to come on here a lot, about a year or so ago.
I am an opiate addict, and have been stuck in this deep dark trap for too long.
I am getting ready to try a taper.  I really hope this one works this time because i have to make it, there's too much at steak now.
I was laid off a little over a month ago from my job of 6-years.  I'm desparately trying to find a job, i'm married to an addict, and have three children (young).  
My birthday is friday and i turn 40.  I'm going to use this birthday as a turning point in my life and get back on track.  I don't want to go through my 40's as an addict, i've lost way too much and don't want to loose anymore.
So for those of you that remember me, and anyone who would like to be my new friend, i'm reaching out and would love to not be alone through this, and would like to help others, as i have in the past, find their way to freedom, or just keep you company while you find your way to wanting it enough to start.
Thanks for listening!
Jenny  (needing that angel on my shoulder more than ever!)

[Chezz]

Forgot about the GABA. It should help with RLS. It was recommended to me by someone(alan). I also did alot of research on it. It has some of the same properties of other "calming" meds. Or a more natural Valium. I have been taking it for about a week.

You are right..it wasn't part of the Original Recipe. LOL
Sounds like we are cookin' chicken.

Cincee you were also right about the vitamins. I never thought about that. I haven't really taken the mang./iron everyday like the other stuff either.
Thanks for the info C.
Chezz

[Chezz]

Laughter is the med for the night. I am still up and can't sleep, and there isn't anybody to play with anymore!!!  ;(
Nothing I can do about the pain, so I might as well stay up and have a little fun! I almost wish I had RLS to keep my mind off of it. At least I have my laptop connected. Now I can lay in bed with my heat pack, and still be on the net. I'm lucky my wife could sleep through an earthquake, cause' I am still lookin' for that song. Its going to be one of those nights....

Cincee, I think right about the desire/strength thing. Just reading your's and Pixi's posts have showed me that. You both sound like very outgoing, strong willed women.

What about the soccer pops out there. We need shrinks too. I don't haven't any real kids, but I am a stay at home cat watcher. Get kinda lonely talking to em' though. At least they don't talk back, or tell me when my "time" is up. Not to mention the BILL. LOL

My Therapy is right here.

Have fun gettin' glamed up tomorrow.

I wish it was 'night for me too.
Actually, If I am up a couple more hours, the East-Coasters will be up...

[CinCee]

I'm going to try to go to sleep now.  I took a very old flexeril, just to mix things up.

I hope Laura's appt went well today and Allisa figured out her work thing, and Chezz doesn't have TOO much pain and everyone gets to rest tonight.  I think Pixi's already in dreamland.

Thank you all.  I have literally worked my w/d here and couldn't have done it without you.

Now, tomorrow I have that appt. with new orthoped. who I hope is anti-med.  Chezz, I thought about your comments on this a lot today.  Thanks.  I don't think it's about strength.  I think it's about desire.  I have faced huge, big, bad things I never I thought I could, and by God, I am strong.  I just forgot.  But what I'm a little short on is desire.

I'm also seeing my shrink tomorrow.  (Every self-respecting middle-aged, soccer mom should have one.)  I'm thinking of coming out a little to her so I can get some fresh stuff.  Usually I just use her for antidepressent.  No talk therapy for me. uh-uh.

And THEN, I have an appointment for some much-needed glamour.  AKA, haircut and color.

So I'll be gone all day.  May check-in in the morning.  Don't have too much fun without me.

'night

[Vike_Mike]

I've been fighting addiction and relapse for years now.  In 1998 I went cold turkey on all drugs, tobacco, and alcohol.  Felt fricking great for 2 years and then started again stupidly.  Since then I've relapsed into chewing tobacco and vicodin (30-45mg/day).  I'm off vike for the moment and I know EXACTLY what you are talking about with the body aches.  My dt's last almost exactly 4 days: sluggishness, aches, grumpy, zombie mike.  The first day or two my shoulder muscles are so tight I can't hardly sleep.  After 4 days I feel pretty good though.  I'm at about 8 days now.  I don't think I could avoid the pills if they were in my friend's purse though.  
-- Oddly -- when I stop the tobacco my backaches stop immediately.

[CinCee]

For one thing, I'm hoping the GABA will help.  That might not be in the original recipe, some one might have added it on.  It's supposed to be calming, anti-anxiety, anti-siezure.  So I'm stretching that to RLS.  Also b6 is good for anti-siezure.

The vitamin guiide says specifically that vitamin E is good for RLS.

Magnesuim is supposed to be good for muscle relaxation migraines (attn: Suzie).

There might be more, but I'm too tired to look them up.

[CinCee]

If you wanna really laugh look for a music download of a rock opera called, "these are not my pants".  My daughter made me listen, we laughed so hard, we cried.