Death, Depression etc...............

[OxyDout]

I need help today, I found out yesterday that my uncle died, now thats not a huge issue however, once again it brings up bad memories of losing a good friend and this morning when I woke up I was miserable, I ached everywhere and I couldn't get out of bed. I was late for work and I have to go to a wake tonight, I can't handle this right now, I feel like I have become an intravert in the last 24 hours, I don't want anything to do with anyone, i just want to forget about everything including my life and just sleep. I don't know what I will do in the next two days, but I'm very upset and more scared then anything........

GWH

[Jack Frost]

DMR,

At least you got on the wagon in the first place. That meant you wanted to get well. Part of recovery involves relapses in most cases. Take all the good time you had clean to get you back on. You at least know you can do it and I bet you felt good when you were clean. It happens, hang in there.

Kip, I just listened to The Man from God Knows Where by Tom Russel. So wierd. When I first got it I couldn't stand it. Put it on yesterday and was almost crying in the study. It's beautiful.

Hope everyone is well.

jf

[GOD]

J.B.-

You Are NOT dead. You are ALIVE. You are loved. Remember this always.

P.S. I am NOT GOD, BUT I am a frequent poster here under another "Nickname".

BUT there are times when the truth of his love can come through another, and HE wished me to be his messenger to you RIGHT NOW.

YOU ARE LOVED. YOUR LIFE IS SACRED. REMEMBER THIS ALWAYS.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I guess it's time for a little attention for me!  Like you, I need it so much.  This is my secret, quiet place where I can voice myself honestly without the fear of being?....fill in the blank.

I think it was lanas who asked where I was in the addiction process.  I'd love to be able to say that it is all "under control" and I am in recovery.  I was for many years, a recovering junkie/alcoholic and life was truly wonderful for the most part.  I worked hard and my three kids became college graduates eventually.  I was the epitomy of pride and riding up there on my "pink cloud".

I thought I was invincible!  Hell, a million VC couldn't kill me once...a long time ago.

But things started to go haywire as they often do in life.  One night I could no longer stand the screams and writhings of my wife in serious cancer related pain...and I injected a little morphine into a vein in my arm.  "It" was back as I booted the drug, bringing blood in and letting it out slowly.  It was the ultimate orgasm, then I died.  I'm dead now and only I know it.  We can never hide from ourselves!

J.B.

[DMR]

THanks all for your support

FRASER123...welcome to our junkie forum, you are one of us now.  Although I just fell off the wagon, I can try to help you out
Shoot me an email at va_dcblue***@**** if you want to discuss something in detail.  Anyone else want to email me...you're welcome.

This Narcotic thing sucks...why does it have to be so addictive?  Why can't it be like Asprin or Tylenol?

DMR

[skipper]

JB:
you know i was just talking about to irish rose. i believe i
said, "there's nothing more wrong with JB other than he doesn't
post enough!" of course she jumped to your defence saying, "JB
has a lot on his plate, lighten up!" of course she is right (she
always is)!

so my friend, how goes it? are you keeping a lid on everything?
i'm not. next wednesday i have an outpatient procedure done on
the toe next to my big toe. the foot doc practicly promised suc-
cess.....will see. if it was up to me, i think i would be off
with the damm thing. this will be the second attempt to fix a
problem that seeems to have no fix!

please remember, your wife and you are in my prayers.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[OxyDout]

"critisism"?? no idea.........anyway, I always thought of excuses like, ITs monday, or oh its wed. night.......or hey if I take everything I have now, I can start being sober tomorrow................... there will always be an excuse. DMR don't feel bad we all do this. KEep your head up, it will be a struggle but you can do this.

GWH