Detoxing, dealing with setbacks...........help!!!!

[OxyDout]

Hey guys, I had a minor set back over the holidays, I took 40mg of oxycontin last night, the good news is, I felt awful(mentally), I was so upset at myself.  I was with my girlfriend and I was so mad that I I felt like I needed to get fu... up to be there.  I completely regret it, It was just another sign that I know I'm done with these things.  It was weird, it was like I was an addict all over again, like I had to depend on going to get some before I saw her, WHAT AN AWFUL FEELING, I can't tell you guys how incredible it is to be able to do what you want whenever you want  Anyway, I have restless leg today and I have to work, but I can make it through, I know I can, my question is, how long do you think I will feel this restless leg?? I don't know if I have any other wd symptoms cause I have bronchitis and an ear infection so I'm very out of it. Well, I have to get going, but this was just a minor setback, I don't want anyone to think that I"m going back to using because I"m not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope all is well, keep your head up!!

gwh

[butterbeans]

GWH, we all will have setbacks, I don't think there is anyone who does it the first go around, without a small or large setback.  Just go forth from now.  I still take my pain meds, I feel I have to, but, am trying to take them just for my severe pain.  Hang in there!  I believe in you!  don't be too hard on yourself.  Remember what Ihave said before in this forum.  "We are all human beings, maybe some of the best", because most of us it appears tome are always trying to help someone and rarely think of ourselves.  I don't see us as selfish, just weak when it comes to a drug that makes us feel better. My thoughts are with you and I pray for your recovery.
Love Butterbeans

[ep1]

I also took half a pill extra yesterday and today.Funny thing is (and good thing) I really didn't NEED to,I just felt like I ought to........but I havent been as moody for the last 3 days ,like the worst of the cramping,anxiety and stuff is done,the L-tyrosine & B6 seem to really help.I still have anxiety though....it isn't pleasant,kind of like a feeling of being very unsettled.Have a good night and take care.

[Telby]

I am so proud of you both, these are minor setbacks.  Remember recovery is a process not an event, look how far you both have come.  My hero's.  Don't feel like you can't share your bad days, your not letting anyone down, impossible to do no matter what.  I ran out of L-Tyrosine a few days ago and boy I am really feeling the difference, began feeling hopeless and scared again, then I realized that I have been without my supplements long enough that it is effecting me.  GWH, try some extra calcium for your leg.  I have a mixture of magnesium, Zinc, and Calcium which I think is very helpful.  The metals can be dangerous if taken too much of so maybe just get calcium - Tums are a great way to get both calcium and calm your tummy.  I took Tums by the handful when I was pregnent which my Doctor said I should.  Anyway, your both right on track and I am trying to make it up on your path so lead the way.  love, Telby

[Elvira]

Sorry to steal the thread but i can't seem to post a question  I have been lurking here for awhile and this is my first post,  one out of slight confusion...I thought a doc was suppossed to be answering questions?  I have seen a doc a few times but not nearly as often as I thought....Is this the ask the Dr. forum?  thanks                 Elvira

[Seamstress]

Elvira is right. This is a medical forum but I never ask a medical question because it takes week for the doctor to answer it. And then he usually doesn't say much except to tell you to talk to your personal physician.  My doctor isn't an expert on drug addiction. He isn't even an expert on drugs. I've told him things about meds he's prescribed he didn't even know.  That's why I was asking here. Because I thought someone who was an expert in that field would answer. So I'm confused too. Is this supposed to make us buy the book they mention?

[Telby]

This is just as it appears.  Suffering people coming together to give and get support.  The true experts on addiction are those who are addicts so this is where we come to find help.  The Doctor will post occasionally however he will always advise seeking a medical or mental health or addictions specialist.  The truth is that the real specialists are here.  There is no agenda to buy anything or do anything, it is simply a forum to support addicts.  Being an active addict is a lonley and painful existance, there is a huge stigma attached to this disorder and people find it hard to find a place to be completly honest.  This is one such place, there are other such places.  It is the real deal, no scam and no sales pitch, just huring people reaching out.  True survivors and true "experts".   Hope this helps.  IF you are looking for speicifi information about a drug or drug addiction, try google.com and specify your interest - you will be directed to many interesting sites.  good luck, Telby

[bigggO]

Does anyone know of any doctors in the NY, NJ area that dispenses Buprenex

[Elvira]

I'm sorry,   I didn't remember if you were Telby or Telly,  either way I was just curious as it was referred to as Ask the Dr.   Maybe a little Misleading as I thought the Dr. answered every question. so i guess I won't be asking any medical questions.  What happens if a person is really in need of having a question asked, won't for various reasons ask his/her own doc and can't get any information from this Dr. Steve is it?  I guess that's when all of you guys step in?  well,  thanks for your kind welcome.                               Elvira

[kerrysfine]

I have been off Lortab since Nov.19th 2001.
My husband is having major dental surgery this saturday. I am so scared ans anxious knowing I will havw narcotics in the house. Anyone have any suggestions?

[ep1]

Hi,just a quick hello  to say I am still on my 2 40's a day and plan to go to one and a half next week and to 1 a day the week of the first.I wanted to stop by the 1st ,but felt like I was not being realistic and i don't want to set myself up to fail,so I broke down and ordered another 20 pills to do the final weening.I hope I have the "cajones" to make it the last time I order any.I can only repeat that the L-tyrosine and B6 along with GNC Mega-Men vitamins really really helps.My doctor (who doesn't know about the oxy) gave me Buspirone 5 mg tabs for anxiety......does anyone know anything about them,I'm kinda scared to take them without hearing something about them first? He said theyre a low dose and take a few days to work.One thing I have noticed is that I really don'thave the physical need for oxy like before.Now I kinda take it because I think I should (guess thats why it's called a Habit) but this is a good thing......I think? This is a tough time coming up (new year),so thanks for listining and being so supportive.

[alchemist]

Epi, I noticed that you said that you were going from 2 40mg oxy's to 1 and 1/2.  I hope that means you are not planning to cut the oxy's in half.  They are time released and cutting them in half may put the entire dose in your system at once instead of 12 hrs.

[Telby]

I am always surprised how many medical people, mental heath professionals, addiction professionals and all around really smart folks post on these boards.  There is seldom a problem someone doesn't show the way to the answere.  I guess it's too much to ask for a Doctor to give free medical advise, other then "go to your doctor".  Anyway, stick around its great. Telby

[OxyDout]

Well, the fact that your anxious shows that your in trouble.  I know exactly how your feeling, your already thinking that this one time won't get you started again, and if your anything like I was, your getting irritated just thinking that someone else might get to them before you do.  In anycase, don't do it, if he has a whole prescription then you will end up taking most of the bottle, tell him to hide them.  You can be stronger then that!!!! good luck, feel free to tell me what happens, or how your feeling.

GWH

[OxyDout]

I did things the same way, I think it was telby that asked if you were cutting them in half....... anyway, she is right however, that is how I cut back on the dosage and it seemed to work well, but make sure you are carefull because as she said, cutting them, does put the oxy directly into your system.  Either way, good luck, its been 3 days since my set back and I haven't even thought about oxy's.  Ive turned the corner and I'm coming home!!! i really don't need them anymore.  Work is great, my girlfriend is great, I'm working out all the time and I'm loving life!!! thanks to all of you that help me!!!!

GWH

[skipper]

GWH:
i'm pleased to here your back on the detox track! yesterday i
started a cold detox. i went over 24 hours without any oxy! then
the trouble started. i was so restless last night, i wound up takin 4 mg. of clonipin. i had non stop dreams of using. one of the dreams featured a midget version of Mr. Clean (flexxing his muscles and laughing. he kept pointing to his chest where there was purdues's tradmark for ocycontin) i awoke drenched in sweat. i still feel the presence of this evil aberation. Everything was going fine until i tried to shave. about half thru this task something in my neck popped and jolt of electicity/pain went dow to my finger tips and back up to my neck, where the trouble actually resides. the pain just kept coming in waves.i cracked.i was a weak .... i stumbled in the room where i keep my oxy and took some without water. 1 of the 2 tablets is stuck in my throat-real fun. i'm so discouraged. i am in intractable pain and i've pretty much worked thru all the moral issues of of taking narcotics as perscribed. the problem is my wife. she is very supportive, i couldn't ask for a beter person to be married to. even though she realizes my need for pain control, i know she hates what it does to me (besides easing my pain). i don't know what my plan was. i think i wanted to put togater at least a week junk free. i'm ok. i guess i'll just have to start over again. i
wouldn't beat myself up about this except for my wife... she de-
serves far beter than this junky, pill head has to bring to our
marriage.
anyways... GWH hang in there, you have my vote of confidence.
you've had a set back, but that is all it is a set back. the rest
of you people detoxxing, hang in there.. it can be done. winter
will not last forever, it just looks like that to me today...

i hope all of you a safe and happy new year. remember it is a
whole lot easier to AVOID temptation than it is to resist it.
also remember, i'm goin to love and care about you people and
there isn't a damm thing any of you can do about it.

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[OxyDout]

hey there, sounds like you are very down today, I don't want to see you, rather hear you like that, you are a huge inspiration to my life, you are one of the main reasons why I haven't taken anything.  Your in a tough spot because you know you need to take something for your pain.... I"m sure you will be ok, I have faith in you.  

As far as your wife goes, I think your thinking in the opposite direction.  The way I see it....If your taking all these meds, and your wife is still there and loves you, that means you are an AMAZING person and she sees SO much in you that she wants to be with you even when your on the oxy's.  Well, trust me when i say, you will be even more of that person when you stop abusing.  I can't tell you how incredible it was to spend all night with my girlfriend last night without being on any meds, without the restlesss leg, with out the sweats, or without the pain.  It was INCREDIBLE!!!!!! to be able to spend the night in the arms of the girl I love, to be able to comfort her.  I bring this up because I remember you saying before, that, that is all you wanted to do, was to be able to spend time with your wife, without anything getting in the way.  

I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS, you have to, and I KNOW YOU WILL.  I have so much faith in you, just be patient and give it time.  You know how long I had tried to quit before I got this far???.....probably for about a year.  Now I'm finally doing it!!!!!!!! I can't believe it.  Anyway, I have to get going, but keep up the hard work, I will be praying for you, take care, write back soon.

GWH

[Witchywoman]

Hey there Kip,
I was wondering how you've been these days!
I'm sorry to hear your pain is still so intense. I guess I don't understand why you feel a need to go off the pain meds every once in a while...why put yourself through that when you know you need it for intractable pain?

Well...I guess I do sorta understand, given that I have pain too, and went off my narcotics too soon after my surgery. But, my pain is probably tons less than yours, and..well hell, I just hate to see you suffer. I care about you a lot. You are one of my inspirations and role models, and will forever have a special place in my heart.

love,
WW

[Francoise]

Skipper, I think you've got the same problem with oxycontin that I do: we've been ENCULTURATED to reject the use of opiates even for intractable pain. It's part of the war on drugs, and you and I are some of its victims.

I've had a terrible problem with myself about being on oxycontin. I suppose the worst part if that terrible game of "what if" I've been playing with myself. What if I lose my meds? What if they're stolen? What if my doctor suddenly decides he's not going to prescribe them anymore. What if I turn 65 and the gummint won't pay for this prescription? Notice that all these what ifs have to do with running out of meds, as that surely means death by my own hands.

It sounds, though, as if you're more in the mode of considering yourself a "druggie." But you know, Skipper, I have a friend who has advanced diabetes, and if he doesn't take his meds every day he will die. My father is a heart patient, and if he doesn't take his meds every day, he will die. And this same story is true for millions of people; they have to take their meds every day or they will die. Now, because their meds aren't necessairly opiates, no one thinks of calling them "drug seekers" and they don't consider themselves morally repugnant. So why should we?

We have medical conditions just a real as any diabetes, any heart disease, any kidney condition, any anything. And there is a family of drugs for it. And it's legal and it works. So why should we beat ourselves up? Thomas, bless his little ol' pea pickin' heart, had a conversation with me like this (along with many other of my friends here) about this issue. And they've convinced me that there really is a big difference between having the disease of addiction and being physically dependant on a medication that gives us a life.

I've stopped fighting myself about this issue, although I do admit keeping an eye peeled for ways to get off this drug as painlessly as possible (I think that the rapid detox while under anesthesia is the best I've heard of). I have a medical condition, damnit, that requires I take a maintenance dose of oxycontin twice a day. I take my meds and get on with my life. I'm lucky to even be alive (fell 25 feet from a tree and broke damn near every bone on the right side of my body plus crushing a vertebra and ripping my pelvis away from my spine).

There is no reason to live in chronic pain. If you'd like to discuss this in private email me direct at ***@****, or meet at http://pub37.ezboard.com/bthenewaddictionmedicineforum. Not only is there no reason to live in pain, there's no reason to put ourselves through the agony of getting off opiates. Screw it. I've got a life to live and I need to get on with it. Let's get together and talk.

Francois

[butterbeans]

Kip, I too have had these overwhelming feelings of guilt for taking the meds, especially when I take too many.  I too go off of them and detox quite often.  But, I am going to stop.  I have talked to myself and my doctor and I know that my pain is severe chronic pain, pain that I have suffered with for over 20 years.  Until 6 years ago, I was miserable a lot and drank wine to try and deal with the pain,  I hate drinking and hangovers, but, unless you are a chronic pain person, you don't and can't understand why people like me will do anything to get some pain relief.  The doctors have been great, and they make me feel better when I feel I am addicted to this medication.  But, I live a productive life now ,thanks to these meds. I will make the resolution/fact to not take too many meds at once,  I know I will make a mistake sometimes, but, I also know now that the right thing for me is to continue taking medication that helps me deal with pain that in the past kept me from being able to get up and go to work sometimes, to do things with my ex and my children.  When I read your posts, I can tell that you feel guilty about the meds, but, if yu need them, take them  It sounds like you have a wonderful woman in your life who understands how badly you need them.  Chronic pain, like diseases such as cancer and heart disease, can happen to anyone at anytime.  I never thought it would happen to me, but, I want to spend the rest of my life as active, happy, and able to work and do things. I told my doc the other day I was getting scared that I might have to go on disability if I go off the meds.  He is ordering another MRI to see if and why my pain is getting worse.  I rarely have a day that I am not in chronic pain now.  I can barely walk or stand.  Lying down brings a little relief.  I still have pain even with meds, but, I told doc not to up my dosage and not to give me anything stronger.  But, I feel better now that I have accepted that I need these meds and I will work to try and take them only as perscribed.  Skipper, yu can do that too.  Hang in there, be good to yourself, it is not your fault that your body has chronic pain, but, you can help yourself.  I thank you for your posts, they have helped me so much.  I feel much happier now that I have decided to use my meds and life is great !!!  
Love Butterbeans

[Telby]

Sweetie, check down in lower post for the address to the new board.  I hope you can get on.  Check back here later tonight as Wizard has given me permission to post his EMail for you.  He really wants to hear from you so I'll make sure you get it.  I have to find it first but I will get to you this evening.  Your in my prayers - you are so brave to live such a caring life while in so much pain.  I love ya, Telby

[skipper]

hey people:
thanks to GWH, Witchy Woman, Francoise, and Butterbeans. the sup-
port you all have given me will certainly keep me coming back.
thankyou.. i think i'll be alright for now.

i can't really explain my need to detox myself on a regular basis.
i do know at present i really need to be on oxy... you know i think
back to my junk shooting days and i should be happy with all this
poison (large Rx to oxy-c), but i'm not. i'm just afraid of some-
thing i can't seem to put my finger on. addiction can be such a
strange affliction!

need everyone of yous
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[Telby]

I was thinking about Skipper and how even though he needs the meds, and deserves the meds, he still struggles with the effect they have on his life.  The difference maybe between narcotics and heart medicine, or insuline is that they don't effect every area of ones life.  In the old days we believed somewhat anyway that drugs brought people closer together, closer to inlightenment and spirituality. Found out the hard way that is not true, they often block us from those things and more. Become an obsticle in clearly seeing ourselves and our place in the world - in the ability to have true intimacy with others.  So I take my hat off to Skipper, he is continuing to challange the role drugs play in his life.  I think it is a brave and couragous battle and he is the top dog.  love ya Kip, Telby

[kerrysfine]

well I did just what you said. I had him hide them. I think he just keeps them n his jacket pocket. But anyway, I'm still here.
Thanks for the help. I found that helping him out in his time of need made me feel really good. Screw the pills.
Kerry

[jule1]

I hate to see you hurting so bad and being so hard on yourself.  You are so lucky to have a wife like you do.  I have a wonderful husband who would do anything in the world for me and I am grateful to have him every day.  I was just reading from Bijou and she wants to detox shes al by herself and scared to death.  I know your situations are different but I feel for her and you.  I havent posted here a lot but always read your posts and care about you and theres not a damn thing you can do about it either!!  Love, Jules