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Endorphins - When do I get them back!

Hi All! (I cant believe I got through, I must collect myself a moment).

Does anyone know how long it takes to have ones endorphins return to pre-opoid days?  I am just wondering about the day that I attempt to only use things like Yoga, meditation, and maybe the antidepressants to tackle my fibromyalgia and arthritis.  I have wanted to know this for a long time but could not get through to make a new post.  This is one exciting day!  I think I will do a quick pick on Lotto!  I would appreciate any information from you good people.  I mean do the drugs need to be out of your system for a period of time?  Does it depend on what you were on and how long you were on it?  
Thanks Again Everybody,
Marcie!
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Avatar universal
In my opinion your question about the return of endorphines is moot.  The length of time here is as varied as we are different genetically.  I had a very long wait and went through months of treatment with SSRI meds and benzos.  One day I said that's enough!  Believe you me, you will know when they are back but I think you have to be clean and sober to realize it.  That's been my experience at any rate.  It's pretty subtle at first.  Today, I actually have emotions and can care about other's problems.  I can cry and feel again!  For so many years I thought that I was the only one in the world with problems-poor me.  In the end, I was alone with myself and I hated myself.  Endophines do a lot more than relieve pain, they make life worth living as a human being.

P.S. I bought two lottery tickets today and won $6.00.  That'll be part of my donation to Med Help.  I got the e-mail today from Cindy and Phil.  We need to keep this forum going!
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I'm confused.  I want my endorphins to come back not to not be in pain but like you said to FEEL BETTER like you said you know the "make life worth living thing"  that is the part I want to know about.  Do you mean that you were on months of Antidepressants and like Xanax or something like that? Sorry to drill you with all the questions I am just trying to make sure I understand what you are saying! Do you mean that you quit taking antidepressants and tranquilizers and things suddenly fell into place?  You are going to wish like hell you did not answer my post arent you! (sorry).  I am glad you agree that we need to keep this site going!  You all are so terrific and with the holidays coming up we may need each other!!!!
Have a good Day.
Marcie!

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No, I didn't mean that everything suddenly fell into place.  It was a lot of soul searching, medications and help from fellow addicts that helped to make everything clear to me.  Call it a spiritual awakening.  After working on "my problem" for so many years, I can't say that anything was sudden.  But little by little things did fall into place for me.  No, I am not sorry for answering any of your posts.  All I can really say for sure is that it takes as long as it takes.  I know it's confusing to hear such a simplistic statement but it's really the heart of the matter.  There's two ways of looking at things....Keep it simple stupid or keep it stupid simple!  I'm sorry but my pain meds have kicked in big time and I'm getting kind of spaced out.

Just don't kill youself as I have.  Now I must pay the piper!
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Thanks for your input.  Good to hear from you!
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Dee
Hi all, I tried to post this question as new, but as you all know that it sometimes impossible to do! I have a question, please bear with me if it seems like a 'stupid' one...but here goes,
If your liver starts to get 'sick' or doesn't work as well, when you do drugs what happens? I mean do you feel the pain meds more or do you feel them less??? have a great day all!
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.Carol:  I know that from previous postings, I believe J.B. is familiar with Liver ailments.  Both my parents had Hepatitis C.  My father has been able to live a normal life thru interferon, however, my beloved mother was not so lucky. From the little knowledge I have gathered, the liver is like a filter that absorbs all impurities(someone correct me if I am wrong.)  Some drugs, such as alcohol and tylenol tend to stay in the liver, and prevent it from functioning correctly, and after a long period of abuse or sickness, it stops working.  My mother was in Turkey on a vacation, and got an infection that sped up her Hep C infection and passed away within a month.  She had been ill with it since before i was born, but it had only been diagnosed within the last three years.  Since I was born with it, I have been tested several times and so far so good.  Marcie, if you find an answer about endorphins, please share, I am worried about it too.
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I am sorry to interrupt your post Carol, but apparantly until J.B's six dollars kicks in only one question is allowed per day!! P.S. J.b. seriously, I have read up a little on the Bronze Star and I am not only very proud of the job you did for our country, but I believe every real hero is scared .  Only the stupid ones aren't.  I have a problem that is sort of drug related but a very serious one to me.  I named myself with the vortex because I do have something swirling around me.  It is not a vortex of hate, but one of regret and sadness.  I have recently turned 37, and I have a very understanding and patient husband, and a decent job.  however, I can't stop obsessing over the past.  I used to be pretty good-looking,   had some serious music connections and a pretty exciting life.  OF course, my addiction stepped in and I lost a lot of things and my youth.  I can't seem to accept that everyone gets older, my husband still loves me even though I am aging, and I panic because I feel my life is flying by and I am not acomplishing anything.  When I try to sleep, memories of my happy innocent college days and my fun not so innocent party days flood me so badly I can't breathe.  I take valium but it does not help the attacks.  I am seeing my doctor (Thank God, because I took a few too many vicodins with the flu and will fun out a few days early)  Actually, this is the best I have ever done with my script.  I am ususally out about 12 days before, and now it will only be about six.  However, I digress.  Please, if anyone knows what I can do to stop obsessing over superficial things like lost beauty, stupid hair bands and just the joy of being young please help.  Although this may come off silly, I am depressed in a way I have never been before and I need help.  Thanks to all my friends here.
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I am going to reply in a minute.  I just wanted to make sure that you were still here.  Is there NO way to get in CHAT ROOM.  Geesh there must be a way we can all take when we need too.
I will send you a reply in a second
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Vicky, I don't think you are silly. I have the idea that depression is a given with opiate use. But I don't think that means that you should just accept it. Please, whatever you do try to get some help... like counseling or maybe look into trying to get on an anti-depressant. Depression is nothing to fool around with.There is little question in my mind that you are being very hard on yourself. I'm sure that you are far more accomplished and youthful than you think.... you just seem to have a poor self image at the moment probably due to not feeling good. I'm 49 and it took me a long time to learn to let go of the image stuff and focus on the real things...like being grateful that my child is alive after all the od's and suicide attempts. But when there is real depression even counting blessings doesn't help. So please stay here and talk and maybe see what else you can do for youself. There are some good tapes you can get on letting go of the past and self forgiveness. Just a suggestion. You deserve to be well. Love, Brighty
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wow!! Thank you all so much!  i didn't realize so many were listening.  As for the chat room, I have tried it too, and noone is ever there.  I have to pop out for a few minutes, but I will be back.  Thank you again for hearing me.
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Hi!
I am 39, and I too have a phenomenal husband. I thank his family all the time for him.  I have a great job I love in the legal field. I too have this thing about obesessing the past. I am willing to bet that you are still beautiful (we can all stand to lose a few pounds).  My husband is such a doll that he forked out $6,500 for liposuction.  That liposuction has since gone into remission (haha).  Let's just say I am once again Calorically challanged!  As far as your other life If you ever want to talk about it I would love to hear about it! Exciting Life too huh!!! Tell Me Tell Me Tell Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, Now when you say you keep obsessing about the past do you mean the good ole days?  Like you look at it now and say damn I want to be there again?  And when you mention the fact that your husband loves you even though you are aging wouldnt you say you still love your husband even though HE IS AGING TOO?
Now why are you panicing(sp)?  Do you work?  If so and if you can say what do you do?  What do you do to keep yourself busy during an average day?  Once I had my first child I started freaking out because I did not have a college education.  I am thinking if my husband got hit by a truck can I afford the lifestyle I am living now?  I was obsessing too.  SO I was working at a law firm who put me throught Legal Secretary School then it was on to get my Paralegal Degree. I felt so alive.  I took my time doing it and had a blast.  I got all A's I was so proud of myself I couldnt stand it.  I was about 18 months pregnant (I know I just mean I was very pregnant) and I was gong to night school from 6 to 9 twice a week.  I was running on Adrenaline because I loved it so much.  For the first time in my life I was so proud of myself!
Now why do memories freak you out when you are trying to sleep?  Were they fun times?  Were they so much fun that you MOURN for the way it used to be?  You say that they flood you so badly and you cant breathe.  What are you thinking of when that happens (change the names to protect the innocent if you need to HAHA)?   Have you ever thought about a STRESS counselor?  I see one she if great she is in to Holistic Meditative type of counseling.  She has all kinds of degrees. And she is also a recovering alcoholic.  She is an amazing person.  I enjoy my appts. with her so much!  I feel revived!  
What is your situation that you are on the Vicodins?  What the hell do you feel like the 12 days till refill time?  Digress all you need Vicky say what ever you need to.  
Are you currently on Antidepressants?  ALL THESE DAMN QUESTIONS YOU PROBABLY ARE WONDERING IF YOU ARE GOING INTO THE MAYO CLINIC OR IF A FRIEND IS TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM!  SORRY FOR THE INTERROGATION!

Have you every had your thyroid check for Hyper/Hypo Thyroidism?

Vicky, I think that you are always going to think and worry about those type of things.  With me it got worse because after I had my first child I suddenly started caring about WORLD PEACE, SAVING THE WHALES, IRRIDATION OF OUR FRUITS AND VEGETABLES, SPENT ALMOST OUR LIFE SAVINGS ON ORGANIC BABY FOOD, RESEARCHED TOO MUCH ON SIDS, CHILD ABDUCTION YADA YADA YADA.

In closing Vicky, One day a few years ago I went with my sister in law (who was visiting from South Florida) to a BIG craft show where I live. I was talked into taking a quit "hit" from a pipe filled with POT.  Now keep in mind it has been 20 years or more since I have partaken in such a thing.  Well Long story Long I swore EVERYONE was looking at me.  I swore that I saw all the snobs from the kids private school there.  I could not stop laughing and then proceeded to purchase AND EAT $50.00 worth of PEANUT BRITTLE.  I could not drive home and freaked out all the way home.  Went home and slept for a long time.  The moral of this story.  No matter how much you want it you just can't go back.  It just is not the same no matter how much you want it to be. I really mourn the thought of that.   I really do.

Please dont think anything you say comes off silly.  If I was worried about that I sure as hell would not have posted most of what is above up there!  Hang in there Vicky, and dont go to far away.  Oh Vicky, C'mon just throw one band or two at me PLEEEEASE.
Take Care Buddy!
Marcie!

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Marcie, I almost had an anxiety attack reading your post!!!! just kidding.  You are correct about mourning the past.  It seems like I never realize how great things are until they are gone, such as jobs, school etc.  Not that I didn't have problems, its just that they overwhelemed me during the time, and it wasn't until later that I realized I had wasted some wonderful times by my worrying and depression.  I am afraid that now is a good time, but I don't realize it because I am in the throes of depression.  I had gone away to college after high school to get away from drinking and drugs; first a small Christian college in Tenn called Carson-Newman, and then I transferred to University of Tenn in Knoxville, where I began partying way too much.  Eventually I dropped out, with one year to go.  Last year I started in an accelerated program to finally get my B.S. in Accounting.  To make a long story short, my husband and I decided to finally get out of the small town we were currently living and head to the city.  Well, I miss school, I won't be able to transfer back into that program for another year.  While I was in this class, I felt alive for the first time in years.  I was doing great and didn't focus on the fact I was a vicodin addict.  Now, my husband works nights, I work in accounting in a logistics company.  I am alone at night and don't really feel like doing a lot.  I have been depressed since we moved.  I feel it was a big mistake.  We used to come down here for entertainment and now that we live here it just seems like work and sleep.  I am doing absolutely nothing to help myself.  Yes, I love my husband, but I also feel that if I hadn't screwed up on cocaine I might be living a different life.  I do believe God makes things happen for a reason.  I would not change the man I am married to, I miss the nighlife and yes the music o.k. Joe Perry/Aerosmith is one name and no more.  I dated a guy who was in the music business but I was too screwed up mentally to maintain a stable relationship at the time.  The memories of my old life are glorified in my head so much now that I have to remind myself constantly of the problems.  I want to focus on my new life.  I have been with my husband almost seven years, married for a year and a half. I know he is aware that I am not happy, although he knows I love him.  I am sure he also wishes things were different for him, not to be stuck with an addict.  Which brings me to my addiction:
When I was born, I was a breach baby.  The doctor who used the forceps twisted my neck and dislocated my spine.  When I was about 18 months old, I wore a leg brace, but no one knew about my neck.  Although you can't see it, I can't turn it to the right and the nerves are so tight going down my back.  I was taken to Duke University when I was a teen, and apparantly the muscles had twisted around the mastoid thing.  At the time, they didn't have laser surgury and they couldn't cut to release the pressure because it was near the jugular vein.  In my teens I did drugs recreationally, but had never taken pain pills, except for a weird curiosity when I was about 10 that will be saved for another post.  Someone gave me some vicodin when I was about thirty to try for fun.  Having a former heroin addict for a father brought out the instant opioid addict in me.  Eventually, I found the name of a doctor who was known for prescribing, and due to my physical problem was able to obtain them legally.  I have gone to him for ten years and he is my enabler.  However, he is also a good doctor.  We have discussed my depression, and so far it had come and gone, so he said to give it some time.  I am going to talk to him about it when I see him.  I am afraid that the vicodin will interfere with the anti-depressive and vice-versa.  So I guess that needs to be addressed.  I have also been in a mental hospital three times for addiction, the last one in of all places, Newark NJ.  I had gone to visit my uncle on his deathbed at a V.A. hospital, had drank on the plane down and was sitting out on the bench smoking a cigarette and saw a drug deal go down. In the PROJECTS accross the street.  I don't know what came over me, but I could have been killed. I was just sitting there for three hours smoking crack with God knows who. My cousin wound up committing me for the weekend and my husband who was then my boyfriend and my father had to sign me out.  It was the most horrible thing I could have done to my family.  I mean, down in the ghetto, doing crack for God's sake.  I don't do coke anymore, and don't miss it.  O.K., except for wanting collegen lips too, I can't talk any more right now, Marcie, I think everyone is tired of me by now, but it is good to get it out.  It is easier to spill your guts than to accept help though.  Thanks to everyone for listening.
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Thank you for the kind, wonderful words.  I am so sorry about your daughter.  Everything is so relative; we complain about our own problems when there is unimaginable suffering in the world, but you are right, it doesn't matter how bad the rest of the world is when you are the one in pain.  Thank you everyone for your kindness.  I definitely want to focus on the present and the future and try to stop obsessing over the past, because my present will be my past and I want to learn to enjoy it Thanks again.
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Joe Perry huh.  Bet you cant guess what/who my screensaver is. I will bet you cant guess my first concert.  Yep the Bad Boys from Boston. Toxic Twins.  Yup this mommy has a sticker on her Dodge Caravan that says "Got Wings"?  Guess who I saw in concert last May in Las Vegas?

Life is a Journey Not a destination. How high can you climb with broken wings. You just cant tell what tomorrow brings. You gotta learn to crawl before you learn to walk. I just didnt wanna hear all that righteous talk. Its AMAZING.  Vicky, I cry sometimes when I hear that song.  It's my MANTRA.

Walk on Down!

I think we have just a bit in common huh!

Your still killin me. More More More!!!!!

P.S. My daughter was 4 and almost had all the lyrics to PINK as she sang the song. One day I had to YANK IT OUT and throw Barney Back in.  Now I just turn the volume down on some of the songs.  My daughter loves the song that starts of with the WIZARD OF OZ STUFF.

XO!
Marcie.
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I'm sorry to hear about your parents and Hep C, especially your Mom.  It can be a very frustrating disease!  My immune system is doing so poorly these days that it's scarey.  I've had pneumonia twice in the past six months, cellulitis in my left arm, osteomylitis in my left foot and chronic bronchitis.  A friend of mine passed away in October due to a fungal infection in his lungs, he also had Hep C.  He was gone in nine days!

I get depressed,too.  Some days it just sinks in and no matter what I do, I can't shake it. I know that I can drive myself crazy thinking about the past and what could have or should have been.  Life is full of disappointment!  It helps to dwell on what we do have now in reality and hang on to it for dear life.
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What you and your wife are going through is heartbreaking.  I can be depressed or anxious, but it is not going to be something that kills can kill me unless I let it.  I truly believe everything happens for a reason.  My mother also passed away very quickly.  She was hospitalized, two days later intensive care, and three days later...she was gone.  BUT!!!! A wonderful thing happened!! Because of that experience, I became a true believer in God.  I am not afraid to sound preachy here because I felt it.  I don't know what others comfort themselves with that don't believe.  The thing was, J.B., she was not afraid at all of dying. She was more worried about my father and me surviving. She had never been an overly religious person, although my father was a respected minister.  However, you could almost feel the presence of HIM in the room.  And it was spooky.  The best thing is that we were able to say goodbye.  It was not a random accident that happened without a chance to say it.  Of course every day I miss her and there are so many things I did to hurt her that I can never forget but i know she has forgiven me.  You are right:  Life is full of disapointment.  From what I have gathered you have a wonderful wife who is also sick.  I am sure your burdens are more than you can sometimes bear.  But just as I know from writing to you that I am feeling the spirit, He will be with you.  You have been an inspiration for so many people on this board.  You were the one that has helped me the most.  Non-judgemental even when I was at my most vicious.  The people in your life are very blessed.  I will be praying for your family.
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Thanks again for your fun posts.  I have to be honest though, I don't really like Aerosmith, I was always into the alternative scene, HOWEVER, as far as rock stars go, he is, yes, amazing.  I was lucky enough to have met him briefly after a show in Chicago.  However, he is surrounded by his "people" as they all are, and it was nothing personal.  But he is all that he can be.  Now, enough of the past.  My goal today is to focus on doing things to improve the present.  After reading J.B.'s post, how can I complain about life not being fair to me.  It is what I make of it.  Unfortunately, I am not as lucky as you, my sweet, as I live in a very cold place.  So, there are not alot of activities to do.  Before we moved, we had our own home, and we planted our first garden, etc.  We decided to move into an apartment for the first year here and that is a big mistake.  People slam their doors at five in the morning!!!! I just posted a note VERY POLITELY asking people to be more gentle with their doors and guess what?  In the span of a half hour I have heard more door slamming than ever.  It is 6:30PM.  I think my tactics have backfired on me!!! Always doing before thinking!!!!  You gave very good advice to Neena.  Not having any children, I did not feel it my place to barge in on that situation with the preschool, but please, everyone needs their quiet time so that they enjoy their children and their loved ones.  I am so glad that you reassured her.  I liked the line about putting on your oxygen mask before putting on your child's.  And that way you can make sure yours is on, cause I am not sure if a two year old would know what to do!!! That was a lame attempt at a joke.  Hang in there everyone.  It is so nice to have a lively conversation.  Sometimes I think I am the only one checking in here.  See ya later.
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I forgot to mention about the withdrawals.  Marcie, mine are like everone else's on this board.  Although I only take about four or five vicodin Es's, the withdrawal is as severe as if I had been shooting morphine.  Its the most horrible, yucky feeling ever.  Its the flu, but more than that.  Your eyes are swollen, you have a sick ache in your stomach, I have the need to karate chop my legs constantly.  I use an exercise bike for temporary relief.  The increased blood flow helps.  I haven't gotten too nauseus (SP) but there is some discomfort.  I am going to try the immodium recommended since it has a tiny opioid conncection. The anxiety is incredible, you are so shaky and nervous. In short, it is hell.  I would gladly go through the cocaine nightmare a thousand times over to have never taken a vicodin.  I also read back through my posts and need to clear up my dates.  I started with my doctor when I was 27 and am still with him.  I see him next week.  I drive two and half hours.  He doesn't know I have moved out of the area, but I am going to bite the bullet and tell him.  My worst fear and my GREATEST HOPE is that he cuts me off. That's how crazy this disease is.  What about you Marcie, what brought you to this board, if you don't mind my asking.
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vicky, your story is amazing.  Like Brighty said, I think you probably have more going for you than you think.  I was glad to hear you say you wanted to live in the present.  I too went through a stage where I felt like my future was over.  When you are young, the whole world is in front of you.  When you are forty, the choices you made are becoming final.  Yes, one can still become a doctor, but its pretty difficult.  If you're single, the guys aren't lining up like they used to.  However, there is a wonderful side.  We forget the insecurities all of us had as teens and young adults.  I was a lot like you, a party girl who is longing to go back to those days.  But then I remember:  the hangovers, the stupid fights with loved ones, Not sure who I really was.  Now is a wonderful time to live.  As far as aging, even the most beautiful go through it.  Cindy Crawford was just fired by Revlon because they want to target a "younger" audience.  As a believer also, I know this is a stage he has planned for us, so there has to be good in that.  Now, marcie, please don't take this the wrong way, but I think by egging Vicky on about the past may not be what she needs right now.  We need to encourage her to embrace the present.  You sound like you have a very nice life.  What kind of things, besides being busy with your kids of course, can you recommend for Vicky to help with loneliness an boredom?  What do all of us do to pass the time?  I am just as windy as Vicky now.  Just kidding!!
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The service you have provided to our country, the unconditional love and healing you provided your nephew and for all that you give here to all of us.....your life is a prayer. This is not something I am going to discuss here, but I believe strongly in the spirituality of suffering. I don't mean to say that anyone deserves it, but I firmly believe it is part of our spiritual purifying....it brings us to healing. My love to you and Marty.
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Hi Cindy!
I feel so bad! I did not know I was "egging" Vicky!  I love Aerosmith, Vicky said the name Joe Perry and I jumped because I have fond memories of that time as well as not so fine ones.

Music is the one thing above all medication, counseling, self help books etc. that gives ME a peace of mind. Music takes me to a safe place. Whether it be a CD with Ocean Sounds, or James Taylor telling me that I've gotta friend or even Aerosmith reminding me that "Life is a journey not a destination" or their song about alcoholism "Its Amazin" "you have to learn to crawl before you learn to walk".

If anyone reads the Aerosmith autobiorgraphy "Walk This Way" you will read about a group that almost deteriorated because of drug and alcohol abuse.  They all came very close to death because of their addictions. Thank god they all went through rehab.  They have come a long way.  In their newer music even some of the old stuff "Its Amazin" they sing about their comeback from their addictions. So when I hear them I don't think of partying or getting out of control. I hear my own personal counseling CD complete with the feelings and thoughts of a band gone crazy and how they conquered their addictions and came back and had the guts to write songs about it for all to hear!

Again, Cindy, I am so sorry if it appeared that I was "egging"  Vicky on about her past. I like to kid around as being too serious all the time is a BIG downer for me.  There is no way I intended to bring any type of flashback harm to my buddie Vicky.

As you may have read in my prior post I encouraged Vicky to "embrace the present" by giving her ideas of seeking out a Stress Counselor, further her education, look in to a holistic approach to things as well as meditation and hypothyroidism.

I don't know what Vicky needs right now but I know that if she ever needs a Buddy to lean on I will be more than happy to be hers!

Marcie!
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Thanks for all the kind words of encouragement!  It's possible that all this suffering will not be in vain if there is an existence beyond.  At least we are given the ability to help others because of our experiences in life.  I don't feel that spirituality has much of a downside.  It surely has helped me get over some of my worst moments.  I believe that spirituality is part of being "human".  Just look into your child's eyes and you will feel something out of this world for a moment!

I was hoping to see my niece this Christmas but she is still pretty ill.  Her morphine pump was removed about ten days ago and she's having a rough time.  She's been addicted for over eight years  to pain meds.  Her doctors refused to go on with the meds any longer and have made her detox.  She was rapidly going downhill mentally and physically.  Her Mom is at her side now and taking care of her.  I'm praying that she will be able to recover and become part of the family again.  I think Brighty knows a little about this subject!
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Considering all we share here I think we can appropriately call this a prayer board.... eveyone is supporting everyone else. I am sad to hear of your neice... I don't think I know her story... maybe you posted it before... I'm sorry, I don't recall. In any case, she needs lots of support and I know you will be there for her. If you care to tell us a bit more about her I'm sure others will want to know. I know the folks here will open their hearts. Maybe you can print all the replies and give them to her mom to read to her in this difficult time. To be ill and then have to detox off pain meds is a major challenge. I'm sure others will want to send her messages to help give her strength and courage. Please print this message and give it to her.... total and complete healing is our spiritual birthright.... I will pray for her unceasingly. Love, Brighty
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Considering all we share here I think we can appropriately call this a prayer board.... eveyone is supporting everyone else. I am sad to hear of your neice... I don't think I know her story... maybe you posted it before... I'm sorry, I don't recall. In any case, she needs lots of support and I know you will be there for her. If you care to tell us a bit more about her I'm sure others will want to know. I know the folks here will open their hearts. Maybe you can print all the replies and give them to her mom to read to her in this difficult time. To be ill and then have to detox off pain meds is a major challenge. I'm sure others will want to send her messages to help give her strength and courage. Please print this message and give it to her.... total and complete healing is our spiritual birthright.... I will pray for her unceasingly. Love, Brighty
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