Endorphins - When do I get them back!

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

Hi All! (I cant believe I got through, I must collect myself a moment).

Does anyone know how long it takes to have ones endorphins return to pre-opoid days?  I am just wondering about the day that I attempt to only use things like Yoga, meditation, and maybe the antidepressants to tackle my fibromyalgia and arthritis.  I have wanted to know this for a long time but could not get through to make a new post.  This is one exciting day!  I think I will do a quick pick on Lotto!  I would appreciate any information from you good people.  I mean do the drugs need to be out of your system for a period of time?  Does it depend on what you were on and how long you were on it?  
Thanks Again Everybody,
Marcie!

[marque]

Alice, I Feel for you right now.Prayer has helped me too, I wasnt using quite as long as you maybe 3-31/2 yrs. But I remember those withdrawls were the worst..I remember when my tolerance started to go up fast , I think its was about 8 months before I quit the vico's.I like you started with only 3-4 Vico Es. a day then up to 5-6 by the end of my active addiction was 8-10 aday
Ive only been clean for about 5 mos. now. But the "Protracted abstinence syndrome" has really been tough, they say it will get better....Ill be praying for you....Mark

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I had to read through your post twice because it had such an effect on me.  It brought back some memories much like the smell of fresh baked bread does. But along with the memories came the physical urges like those brought on by the sound of running water to someone who has to pee real bad.  That said, I want to tell you that you are not alone as long as we are around!

Ten years is a long time to be addicted to opiates and still hang on to life the way you have.  Most street addicts don't live that long.  But you are not a street addict.  You do have something going for you, some inner strength to beat down this addiction.  I'm sure you have heard all about NA and AA by now so I won't go into that.  

For me, it has been a thirty year struggle to get where I am today.  I can't begin to tell anyone the things I've tried in the past to get rid of my addictions.  Today, it is a matter of controlling them on a daily basis. I've never rid myself of the addiction phenomenon, but I can control them one day at a time!
When I get the urge to binge,  I try to think my binge through from start to finish.  It always turns out the same way!  No drugs and withdrawals, panic , desperation, insanity and maybe someday death.  Take care,  J.B.

[Want2bUNopiated]

Well, everyone I'd like to comment of the anti-depressents and addiction to pain pills. First, the addiction: I  honetly don't know how I got here. It started innocently. I had my first  major surgery 10 years ago and it seems like from the moment I woke and felt the morphine, I was in love. had other medical problems (severe endometreosis) and most of you know the story...the first seven years I was not "addicted," though when I had them (several months of abstinence in b/w) I would abuse them.

I had a hysterectomy and vowed off the hydro's (10/5) which lasted about 7 months. I had suffered with chronic back pain for years, and I began using that as an excuse. Eventually, my Doc referred me to a pain specialist. He prescribed me 120 10/5's + a refill every month. Oh and lets not forget to mention the 120 Soma's. I was like a kid in a candy store. By the end of my hydro addiction, I was taking 40 pills per day. By this past June (2000), I knew I was out of control.

somehow, I managed to keep my job. I took four weeks of sick leave and bean seeing a psychiatrist for my addiction. I don't remember the details of my humiliating visit to the ER--but I literally freaked out going through withdrawals.

Like a programmed robot I still went to my next app't with my pain specialist. He informed me that the hospital called him and he was going to have to terminate me a a patient. Somehow, I talked him out of it. but I also vowed it was the last time and I had a major binge.

I did not tell my psychiatrist however. Three weeks after I was seeing him, he prescribed me Oycontin 40mg 2xd. About two weeks into that, I researched my "safer" time released drug--and realized what I had: a 100% narcotic. Hmmm 40 mg Oxy= 8 percodans! The time release is easily removed with a damp paper towel, and you just chew them. And, with a little research via google I learned the Oxy often "wore off" after 8 hours. I'm sure you can guess what followed--I was allowed to take 40mg every 8 hours.

Well, now I'm out of therapy, and I convinced my pain specialist to give me the same amount of Oxy's. And now I'm runnin out in 12 days--forcin me to spend 16 days drug free. Right now I'm on day #3. My app't isn't until Jan 3, 2001. My tolorance is soooo high it is horrifically frightening!!!! To make matters worse, my best friend gets 240 percodans a month and I trade him my somas for 120 percodans. By then, my tolerance has usually decreased to the point of satisfation. Like the vicous cycle it is (I know every miserable aspect of it), I vow to myself that I will use the oxy's more responsibly. I will see 8 percodans instead of a small seemingly harmless little pill. I'm allowed to take the equivalent of 24 percodans a day. It's crazy to take the equivalent of 64 (this month), and a death wish to take 10 of them in a day= 80 if your not counting.

How did I get here? from 3-4 hydro 10/5 to 360mg of oycodone?

I pray constantly when I'm not using!!!

AHH I long for the days I rode my bike 30 miles a day...when I felt my endorphins and their natural high...not this pathetic existence that I would not wish upon my worst enemy...no, not even on anyone guilty of the most henious crime! It would be cruel/unusual punishment.

I didn't mean for this to be so long...I had my first night of insomnia last night. Forgive me for rambling!

One more thing, music is the only source of comfort I know...besides those fleeting moments I remember the days I walked the higher path and embraced the Lord, loved God with all of my heart  . And truly, I know this is wrong. I am guilty of placing the opiate demon above all else.

Any comments would be welcome. If any of you know of any support groups on the net, please pass them on. Also feel free to e-mail me ***@****

Alice  

[tom to TO THREAD]

your words resonate with sanity and intrigue me like a cool breeze calls to the skin at the end of a hot afternoon. I believe you have more to say about the spirituality of the opiate experience. We are not so much suffering a disease as we are feeding an ancient hunger deep down

[From Aunt Lindy to Mariah]

I must tell you that you put down in one post what I have been thinking for such a long time.  You are so correct.  I too am a Type A, obsessive compulsive, endorphin challanged person.  But I am so confused on what to do! Do I go off of the Zoloft (150 mg a day).  A psychiatrist put me on this amount. I heard that they always have you at a higher dosage than say a family doctor would put you on.  Whatever the hell that means.  But I still must say your post was awesome.  I am printing it and will keep it close at hand.  It describes me. It is me. I joke to my doctor that I am a Chronic Pain alright a Chronic Pain in the Ass!
Because I feel like no one understands what I am going through.  And what do I do because of the guilt in the doctors office? I send flowers bring donuts to the doctor to make up for feeling so bad about feeling bad.  I said in another post where my music that I listen to is so important to me.  As I bring up again Aerosmith you can hear their path that they have taken in their songs.  From their days of being so messed up to coming back in to reality.  Pink Floyd there again describes what I feel as I sit in carpool waiting to pick up my kids. I am so sorry that this is long.  I could go on forever! You opened the flood gates on this one.  I thank you so much for the time you took to write this.  It has made my day.  Like I say so much I thank god for you all!  You all are a fine bunch of people.  
Oh and by the way do I slowly (with a Drs help) taper off Zoloft to see who I am?  All I know is that since I have been put on A/D's I have had people tell me that I am not the same person I used to be.  It is like a Zombie state.  If it were not for my kids. They are crazy like their mom (before a/d's)! Thank God!

I will leave you fine people with this anecdote:
My six year old daughter's class was told to write a sentance about ANYTHING.  My daughter writes "The Month is November, I am still in Senior Kindegarten, The teacher cant teach and I am BORED"

Last Year:
What does you mommy like to do?
My daughters answer - Stay in bed all day
(This is when I was in bed alot with Chronic Back Pain)

Again whoever you are please keep posting!

Sincerely,
Marcie!

[Mike P. to Ken]

I think it is a highly telltale point that there are a tremendous amount of artists/creatives here on this board. I myself am a graphic artist working in the advertising industry. tom's a writer. J.B. etc. etc. Eric Clapton once said that artists work on a very intense plane of emotional necessity and that heroin (opiates) are probably the stongest way to kill whatever pain that emotional necessity causes. I wouldn't trade being creative for the world, but it is the creatives historically that have been deemed "mad". It takes almost a twisted sense of self and reality to come up with the things that "entertain" the analytical types out there (our nemesis:) Most doctors are analytical at heart and have a very hard time understanding what is going on in our mind. I can't even begin to explain to my doctor what I feel on an average day. It's one of those things that you have to BE to understand. I think creatives are not only prone to, but by definition are chemically "imbalanced". When I or anyone I know who is creative is placed on anti-depressants to make us "normal" - we invariably don't respond well. "Normal" levels of seretonin and endorphins just really has never been our "reality". To alter that now or ever is really to shake and tamper with the basic core of our personality. It's a society that doesn't "allow" people to be the way we are naturally that must shoulder some of the blame here. We are outnumbered by the mathmatician analysts types that dictate what "normal" "rational" behaviour is. The consequence? We feel like outcasts. We're told we're not "normal". We are told we need medication. We become afraid and ashamed of ourselves. I am an admitted type A, obsessive/compulsive, endorphin challenged individual and you know what - that's okay. That's me. In FACT those are the very traits that allow me to be so good at my job. It's what got me hired - that attention to detail to an obsessive point is the "norm" in my industry. But once I leave the building - I'm "different". I think that MANY of us who are now addicts/depressed etc. are victims of this social pressure more than anything else. It may sound to an analytical person that I'm rationalizing the cause and justifying the use of etc. But it's my reality. Sounds like it is some of yours too.(???) Not allowing someone to "be themselves" is a horrendous thing to do to someone.