Frustrated/Suboxone/Overcast/Hopeless

[lady1981]

I am very frustrated and depressed today. Frustrated because I once again relapsed last week and I am on Day 1 and a 1/2 of detox and I am mad at myself. I think I should be on suboxone because every time I have the chance to relapse, I DO, and I don’t know how to say no, nor do I even consider saying no…too good of a high to give up. That last statement alone is a sign that I need help.
And why Im depressed, Im not sure. Maybe because it is very overcast today and next week we have daylight savings time and I know that the time change always has an effect on me. But I also think that ever since I started to seriously considering suboxone, it dawned on me that im never going to be able to use and enjoy using again. There again, another GRAND statement to further prove that I am an addict and that I need help.
Wow.
So, I am on the sub website looking at all of the possible side effects and drug interaction with other prescriptions, etc etc and I start freaking myself out…as anyone in the middle of a detox would do :) And then, I think to myself "Im gonna get addicted to this too, and when I finally decide to get off of sub, am gonna go through all of this again?" and that scares me and gives me anxiety as well…Ah, today has been one big anxiety attack, I swear!
So, I have an appointment @ a sub clinic on Wednesday @ 4:45 and Im gonna go and at least talk to the Dr. and see if she thinks suboxone is right for me. If it will help get me through the first few months and help my brain get back on track and back to where it was before opiates became a problem, then im all for it. But if its gonna be just another med that I become addicted to, and end up truly suffering in the detox, then no way! Im pretty freaked out about all of it right now because I don’t have a pill I can go take and hide behind instead of dealing with my raw emotions, and when I look outside, its already dark. :(
Wow. I really do sound hopeless right now, huh?

[kyjobr]

If you are still really enjoying the high you may not be in the right frame of mind to quit.  Although, suboxone is your best chance.  I don't think you'll think about that high as much as you think you will.  It really does feel like you're leaving this whole life behind BUT if you're like most of us, you want to leave that life behind.  What are you reasons for quitting?  Tell me all about them and then refer back to that when you have doubts.  I can tell you that your life will get much much worse if you don't quit now.  Just look at some of the other posters.  

I also whole heartedly agree with Beach, you must be careful about mixing drugs.  But if you're dosed correctly if you try to use it won't do **** and you'll just be frustrated.  That's the greatest thing about sub for me.  It's like this little safety net that keeps me from screwing up.  The one time I relapsed it was because I just started sub, I was undermedicated and my mother had died a few weeks before.  I took some vics for a couple days and they did squat!  And besides not doing anything, I started feeling sick from the sub w/d's so I went back to sub.  No problems at all.  Don't worry about the w/d's from sub.  This will happen someday but if you do it right, it will be very minimal.  In the interest of full disclosure, I haven't tapered yet but I've heard tons of stories and everyone says that as long as your very very slow about it and get down to just a sliver of a pill if you need to, you'll have a little while of maybe some insomnia, yawning.  NOTHING like a normal w/d'.  You probably wouldn't even know that's what it was if you didn't know.  Why is there such a long wait until your sub appt?  I also had a few days wait and remember thinking "well, I've got a whole bunch of pills left so I can party one last time". Very sad....

Please keep posting and don't give up!

[beachtowel]

Ask you doctor when your there what will happen to you if your on Suboxone and you continue to use?

I say this because I don't think your done yet and I want you to know that you can really screw your self up if you start using a lot on Suboxone........

I don't want to see you get hurt.......

[beachtowel]

Lady when you have tryed to stop using in the past what was your after care schedule?