You feel like a jerk because basically you just slapped with husband in the face with a truth he has been denying. He probably needed it though. Try to hide your feelings and see if he comes around to take that first step. I have a problem...step. He might surprise you.
Lisa
Don't feel like a jerk, working with verses living with and loving an addicted person are two very different things. Of course he's going to be angry if you approach it that way. You probably would not say that to your patients. I am not shaming you. I've said a million wrong things to the addict. It's out of love. We are desperate to fix the problem. In trying so hard we do not always exhibit the patience that is needed. I personally would tell him very clearly and in no uncertain terms "that you do not like living with him under these conditions. That since he is not seeing a problem with his actions, you will have to take care of yourself from now on, that you hope he decides to do the right thing" Then proceed to take care of your needs. If he's a grouch, do your own thing. If he doesn't respect your need to do your own thing or is nasty to you, go out shopping, visit a freind. Do all of this without anger on your part. Please be respectful to him. He is in his own pain, that is why he's angry. If it were so easy for him, he would just quit. Keep that in mind when you interact. You both are the victims not just you. On the same token don't pamper him. He has to come to his own conclusion that he needs help. I am reading a book "GET YOUR LOVED ONE SOBER" I can't rave about it. But,I did pick up a few things from reading it. It may help you to read it. It's about alternatives to nagging pleading and threatening, written by Robert J Meyers PhD & Brenda L Wolfe PhD I would also suggest that you go to a drug counselor even if he won't. You probably already knew everything I just told you. But, sometimes we need a reminder when we're really frustrated and can't think straight from all the stress.
we take our anger out on those that call us on something we dont want to admit to ourseves my mom would always ask me "why are you doing this to me"? to her ? she always told me your killing yourself and Im watching, I learned you cant get clean for nobody until you want it for yourself sad but true . sometimes I would rather they hate me then loving me then when you mak emistakes no one is let down. all I can say is keep trying something may click for him good luck