I Tried last night to quit

[Jay Dean]

I have been reading some posts where some of your courageous people have quit cold turkey. Well I took my last dose around 6 in the evening yesterday, and this morning woke up at 6 and went to work on the farm. I wasnt feeling the  worst or best, but I have to deal with horses, bringing them in and out, and working with them. There are a few that are very contankerous and skitty. Well one of them was acting up and I tell you I wasnt in the right frame of mind to be dealing with them. I had to come over and take my meds. You have to be on your toes when dealing with large animals like horses. I dont need any accidents. Oh lord, I need to find a way to get to the Sub. DR. or taper. Im going to try and confide in someone here, an employee and see if he will help me out. I absolutely cannot miss work as I am a 24/7 Barn Manager. What a catch 22 situation. My fault. Nobody elses. I sleep in the bed I make and obviously I havent made it to well, at least not like I used to in the Military( All crisp, and not a wrinkle anywhere).                   Jay Dean

[Jay Dean]

Thanks Carrie, I will give it a try,                  Jay Dean

[Carrie76]

In order to turn your name blue, I think you go into your settings and change it there. See if you have an inbox button at the top of the page, if so, you should be able to go there and get to your settings, and you can change it to where you can send PM to people and people can message you also. Hope you figure it out, and I hope that I told you correctly:)

[Jay Dean]

Lurker, way to go on the Sub. You seem to be doing great, and I can tell youre excited and on your way to freedom. Congratulations and thank you for posting. I have found a Sub Dr. but he is 20 something miles away and Im new to the area, but I somehow will get there as I want to post as some of you others have about the happiness of healing. Joss, your judgement is like mine with the horses and I appreciate that. Im happy that you enjoy your horses and have an outlet for fun and playing. Smile and look forward to the little tyke on the way.                                       Jay Dean

[jossysmom]

It was so awesome to hear that someone else loves horses also. I am a mother of 1 and 1 on the way so right now I haven't been able to spend much time with my horses...but, there's always that special day when I can. My father raises Arabian horses and I have a quarter horse that I used to barrel race on. She's been handed down to my little sister now. If you could still be on her after the third barrel in a cloverleaf pattern then you'd ALWAYS get first!!! Anyway, I do completely understand why you would be concerned about working with horses while going through withdrawls.....I think that your best bet is to get on a Suboxone/Subutex program. It worked well for me....The last thing that you want to do it endanger yourself and someone else's horse because you weren't you....ya know?

Anyway, hope to hear back from ya!!! Good luck!!!
Jos

[lurker]

So sorry to hear you are in such a predicament but glad to hear you're being safe.  I tried the taper and still ended up in withdrawal - went on Suboxone yesterday and once the initial nause wave passed, which may have been the withdrawal and not the nausea, I feel totally normal today.  I've only taken 2mg today.  Plan to take as little as possible so I can get off it soon.  I pray you will be able to find someone to help you and get you to a doc.  You can also go to suboxone.com and search your local area for a doctor.  I was shocked how expensive the Sub is but I have insurance.  Of course, the oxy and norco wasn't cheap either!  Good luck to you.

[GA Guy]

Jay, it seems like you have your head on your shoulders. I always thought that these pills made me superman. It all came crashing down when I took some previous to a presentation at school that was tape recorded. After seeing that tape, it was clear that my reality was altered by these pills. The calm, cool, and collected guy I thought I was became replaced by a high and messed up train wreck. You sound like you have a great plan. Have you read all the info on the suboxone website?

[Jay Dean]

I agree Guy, I have copied FLaddicts and a few others tapering of Sub schedule, I am trying to find the right person to confide in to take me to the DR. Its not as easy as it may seem not knowing anyone here, I am a good judge of character, and need to pick a compassionate,understanding person. I dont take the pills to get high, it has become a daily ritual and obviously I am dependent on them, but I can say that I am very responsible while working while on them. Not that I want to be on them. But that could be the personality of me on the meds talking. Youre advice is taking very highly by me, so please keep it coming. Best to you,                            Jay Dean

[GA Guy]

Jay..if you HAVE to continue working in a dangerous job like this (which my friend..you are doing more impaired on the drugs than during the ct), you have one of two choices. You can either taper if you can, or do a short suboxone treatment..2 weeks or so. I can't taper. That's just the addict in me. If you have someone to hand the pills out to you, it can be done. If not, see a suboxone doctor and do a fast-moderate (2 weeks-1 month) taper with sub.

[Jay Dean]

Im sorry, but how do I get to my profile. I know someone had mentioned it in another post, and I cant find it. I would like to fill it out.  Thanks     Jay Dean

[Jay Dean]

Thanks for the kind words. I had thought that I was going to be able to CT, but in the back of my mind, I had wondered how this would affect my working with the Horses. And as all of you know about WDs, you can relate I hope to seeing my point about being sick and not having a level head and really getting yourself into a bad situation. I have Myself to look after as number one, but I have a responsibility to other boarders and employees. My anxiety is really up over this whole thing. Jen, thanks for the kind response. Carrie, yes it is a pleasure working with horses, so I can appreciate your thoughts and views on the animals. I wanted to move to Tennessee, I think it is such pretty country up there. Trouble, I commend you and all Moms and Dads who raise thier children, It is a huge responsibility, I myself raised my only Daughter for 6 years, There are no breaks as you said. I take 55 milligrams of  5/325 percocets a day. I was taking up to 80. I know that is a huge amount. So its actually 11 to 14 tabs a day. But I have in the last week got it down to 55 milligrams. I have been on them for One year for an injury I sustained in the military 25 years ago. At the beginning it was 40 milligrams a day, so I havent gone up to much, but at one point had doubled it to 80 milligrams. I do have a prescription for 60 20 milligram Er oxycodone. Do you think I could taper using those? I will fill out my profile, so you or anyone can PM me. Thank you all, and I hope each and everyone of you a great day in yours and mines struggle, whether you are using or not. BTW, Jay Dean is my Mothers name. She passed away in 1991 at 52 years of age, and using her name keeps her close to me. Not trying to deceive anyone.                   Jay Dean    (Dean was her middle name)

[troubleinohio]

PS Jay Dean, will you please fill out your profile thingy, so we can send you private messages to your inbox and such? lol

[troubleinohio]

well Im not one of those "brave people" .  To be completely honest, I totally blew my taper i was going to try. My doc gave me 45 vics last week to work with. I was gonna wean off them...... hah. Since I have no one in this with me, I couldnt give them to anyone to dole them out. So of course I wolfed them all down in 4 or 5 days at my 8-10 a day rate and got stuck cold turkey unwillingly. So Ive been suffering through the WDs and been a miserable sobbing crying basket case and in so much pain i cant stand it. I cant "miss work" either. Im a MOM to 2 little ones. Moms dont get sick days. GOtta change diapers about 20 times a day, cook for them, play with them, pick up after them, bathe them each nite,   you get the idea! So no matter how crippled up Momma is here (and a crying mess too!), I still have to force myself through this and its the hardest thign EVER.  Im really scared right now because my bad disc is going out in my back again from loading wood into the wood burner (its cold here now) and Im in such pain and have nothing to take.
    

[VOsRose]

I hear you about needing to be careful around horses, especially if they're "spooky" or cantankerous.  They can hurt you so easily!  That being said, don't feel like you've failed because you're attempt to quite c/t didn't last.  It's hard to do and you have to definately be in the absolute right mindset to pull it off (or be in a situation where you have absolutely NO access to pills.)  I don't know if you can do it, but if you can tapering is definately the way to go for you!  

I've read some of your posts, but you got here during the period I was away.  Could you tell me, please, what/how many you're taking a day and for how long?  If I had a little more information I might be able to better help with some advice.  

Keep your spirits up, though.  I promise you it's not a hopeless situation.  I can tell you my story if you'd like.  My doctor called me (of course he was being facetious and I didn't take it the wrong way)  a Gold Medal Addict.  At the time I was thinking to myself, surely he's seen worse than me.  And I'm sure he has.  He was making a very salient point to me, though.  The last time I was in detox the Dr. (who was head of the department) told me I was the 2nd worst case of detox he'd ever seen.  THAT was scary.  But you know what?  As bad as it was, it didn't last that long and I got through it.  It IS possible.  And I was taking HUGE amounts of Lortab 10/500.  I don't know why I'm not dead to tell you the truth.  

Anyway, if you want to talk, I'm all ears and if you want advice, I'll do my best.  Good luck!

xoxoxox
Rosie

BTW...I'm clean now almost 3 months.  

[Carrie76]

I envy you soo much being able to work with horses!! Me and my hubby worked last summer on a Horse ranch where we took care of horses and did trail rides. LOVED it!! We unfortunaltly had to move and its too far to drive now, but my and my hubby have always had a dream of being able to work on a ranch and tend to horses all day. Yes, they are alot of work, but SOOO rewarding!! I don't have much as far as advice, but if your looking for a good taper then FLaddict is the best with that.

[jenny8575309]

Just keep trying.... Some people are strong enough to taper, I am not one of those people.  It's got to be harder for you, because it seems that you only have yourself to answer to.  I'm lucky enough to have a bunch of kids that tend to make me feel like a shithead mother when I'm using.  I feel for you Jay, And we're all here for you, this may be just the internet, but we're real people too, and I for one can say, I've talked to you guys way more than my 'real' friends and family.  You may feel alone, but you are not alone.  We are all people, and we're here for you.