I am back the new relapse queen

[dedicatedtostop]

Not gonna go into detail so of you may know me. Ii was clean for over a year and all it took was 1 time. Well here I am a year later worse off than ever. With that said I woke up one day an realized how bad I was screwing my life up, affecting my family and etc. Not to mention the fact that I am lucky I am not in jail. So I took the plunge and dove in again. I am at the end of day 2 and all has been pretty much as expected.
The difference this time... I told everyone. My whole family. My family, well I like to say thick as Theives. With that said I am FORCING my self to eat and FORCING exercise. You get out of it what you put in right?!! I have 2 little girls and a family that is my world and I know if it don't stop I will die. Crazy thing is I wasn't raised this way and I know better. I have everything in the world yet I have nothing:(... What I do feel right now is no more guilt and no more feeling like I am living a lie. But man it sure does suck. I am fighting for my life here. Anyways, I am going in with a different approach and really just wanted to get back established here. The time I quit for a year I swear I could not have done it without this forum... Just looking for more support

[dedicatedtostop]

Oh Sara I wanted to see what your thought are on this... All my prior detox I took immodium ad constantly. This time I decided not to take any!!!! It seems like taking the ammonium was holding that"poison" in, and it made more sense to just get it out:).... Your thoughts?

[dedicatedtostop]

Your words explain it all, everything I feel. Honestly, I am focused on nothing but me now!!

[dominosarah]

You sound really good this time!  We can tell people over and over the end results of this addiction but until you really "feel" it usually falls on deaf ears.  Thank God you are feeling it now!!  Dont let anyone or anything stand in your way.  Hold that clean time sacred and make you the No1 priority.  It's okay to be selfish when it comes to this.  Stay in the day and small goals are good as you dont want to overwhelm yourself.  I am really proud of you!!!

[dedicatedtostop]

Oh, also using a 10s unit for the true back pain I have

[dedicatedtostop]

Hi Sarah I was waiting to hear from you. The answer is yes and yes!!! Throughout the months yours words were constantly ringing in my ear.... The only ending to using is death... So many things are different now an I don't care what I have to go through. Makes a huge difference to come clean to everyone as well, don't live with the guilt. I also FORCE myself to exercise and eat... Didn't do that before. Setting small goals and raising the bar daily has made a huge difference as well. Day 4, and I am putting one foot in front of the other, don't feel too bad. Perhaps because I want this more than anything in the world!!!! That's my mind frame

[dominosarah]

Hi and welcome back.  Congrats on your clean time!  I am glad to hear you told your family.  You know our secrets keep us sick.  Have you spoken with your doctor about this yet?  I am sure you know what i am going to ask next here, any aftercare plans??    sara