I can't believe this is happening

[bBarry]

After tapering valium for 6 months and off it since Feb 24 (153 days), it's starting all over. I thought I was still having some w/ds but it wasn't valium at all. I went to a new doctor that put me on Gabapentin about 30 days after my last dose of valium. I asked him if it was addictive and he said no. I asked people about it, a couple said they had w/d from it but not bad, contrary to what I read on drugs.com, most everybody said they didn't have any problems getting off it. For the past couple days it wasn't working as well so I upped my dose to around 200mg at night and a couple times, recently I took 100mg during the day because I thought the benzo w/d's were bothering me and 100mg gabapentin took it away. The benzo w/d was about gone except for sleep, now thoughts jumping all over the place and severe anxiety almost as bad as the valium, without the banging heart and shakes, it's all mental. I have been taking it to sleep only at night, never should have relied on it so long. Sleep just won't come without it. I just lay there and listen to my heart beat.

What now? How long does THIS last? After I take the Gabapentin I calm down, feel pretty good and sleep. I don't know if I can take the whole process starting over again. That friggin doctor never should have taken me off the benzo after 15 years (1/4 of my life). I never abused it, in fact I always took less than prescribed, just like with the gabapentin. He wanted me to take 300mg 3x a day. I was only taking about 100mg a day. The more I think about it the worse it gets, too bad I can't stop thinking about it. Health problems are keeping me from getting out and being active.

The health problem that's keeping me down is from the benzo w/d. I was getting foot cramps at night so bad during my taper and the following weeks that I developed what they call a neuroma in my foot. It's a pinched nerve that causes a lot of pain and numbness. I can hardly walk on it now. You guys that have been clean a long time are tough as nails. I never got any help from a doctor with my benzo taper except the new doc gave me the gaba. I would have been better off without doctors, valium and gabapentin.

I hope I haven't worn you guys out already. Does anyone have any advice? I'm still going to want to sleep tonight and without the gaba there won't be any sleep. I have herbs, malatonin, 5HTP, theanine and valarian root which causes false positive drug test for benzo's. This terrible anxiety just started 2 days ago really, after a 24 hour period that I took 300mg of gabapentin (200 night, 100 in the day).  Should I stay on it until I can see a Doctor? I'm beginning to think I should see a shrink but don't know where to start looking for one, I have never seen one before. I turned down paxil that was offered when my old doc moved and this new guy wanted to get me off valium. He said it was because i have pulmonary fibrosis and it would suppress my breathing. Sounds logical but I am a survivor, my breathing is pretty good, on night oxygen. PF has avg life expectancy of 3-5 yrs, was diagnosed in 2000. There is something to be said about quality of life and I was doing fine on the valium for 15 years because I never abused it, never had inter-dose w/d. I don't think anybody expected me to be here in 2015, including myself. The doctor said I wouldn't breathe better on valium but I wouldn;t care. Don't want  go back on valium now after a 6 month taper and 5 months completely off it. I can't believe I just wasted a precious year of my life over the benzo and now this.

I hope this madkes sense, I'm really stressing right now.

[Cricketk92]

Hey Barry!!
I didnt see your post until this morning!  But we have been chatting about this for months in messages so I pretty much know where you are at!!  I do know that some on here have mentioned The Road Back. I didnt see too much benefit of it when I was coming off the opiates but I did look through it when  I started weaning off the effexor...but it seemed expensive so I just stuck with the supplements that were recommended by people I KNOW have gone through effexor WD!!
Im so glad that Robin has been chatting with you about this!  It's so good to get encouragement from someone!!!  
You can do this!!  And after all you have been through you truly are a survivor!!!
You are awesome and I am so glad you are my friend!!!  XO Karen

[bBarry]

Hi Again Robin and thanks. MH won't let me put the link in my message. It's The Road Back. It sounds legit but I know what you mean, if you listen to everybody you will find out you probably only have minutes, or maybe seconds to live. It will drive you crazy.

That site sends you to another site that sells the herbs. You can buy most of them from swanson. It sounds legit, I thought I had heard that name before.

Thanks for being so kind robin!
Barry

[NeverAgain127]

I had pretty strong side effect form gabapentin when i first started it.   It took a good 3=4 months to go away.

Be wary of any advice on the internet that then directs you to a site to BUY something.  

My mother has cancer (stage 4) and she was googling herself into a frenzy, reading all sorts of articles on the 'net about horrifying side effects from the drugs she was taking.  At one point, I challenged her to google "In-grown toe nails & [insert name of drug she was taking.]  Sure enough, a bunch of article popped up that purported that YES, in-grown toenails were a side effect.   This little challenge convinced her that the internet is full of wrong, bad, or misleading advice...especially when the aim is to get you to part with your $$$.

Good luck honey...you'll be okay, you've got a strong spirit.

Hugs,
-Robin

PS Don't be a stranger here...

[bBarry]

I dropped my mouse and it posted before I was done..  ;>(

It is really helping the nerve pain in my foot. I guess the benefits outweigh the risk. I got em already anyway if there is a little. There is no way it can last as long and be as rough as 15 years and free from valium. I really appreciate the support. I'm happy to hear it!!

*********** dot org/neurontin-withdrawal dot aspx

Thanks again robin, GB,
Barry

[bBarry]

Hi robin, I'm sorry I didn't see your post. I had given up on getting any more responses. It's good to hear it's not addictive. It does have some interdose w/d's according to ***********.org/neurontin-withdrawal.aspx
I think I'm having a little during the day. It feels just like they say and they list a lot of side effects. I have about every one. Those must be the funk you mentioned.  ;)   It feels a lot like benzo's at times, mostly about 14 hours after 150mg of it. I took it again during the day to avoid the funk.

That site sends you to a place you can buy herbs for Benzo and Gabapentin w/d. Too bad i didn't see it during my taper. Just saw it today. I bet it would help a lot of people. I have heard good things about them and the people that talk about them end up clean, or as close to clean as they can be. Some of them have terrible problems. Worse than mine,, like MS. My Mom died from that. it's a horrible disease, very painful. She took Neurontin in the late 90s and liked it. As you may know MS attacks the mylan sheath around the nerve and causes terrible pain. She used to get shocks that made her cry and the Neurontin eased it.

Gabapentin is helping me sleep from the Valiun

[NeverAgain127]

Don't abruptly stop the gabapentin or even reduce the dosage by a lot.  It is not addicting, but it needs to be tapered off of, because of risk of seziures.  

It's a funky drug; some people get tremendous neuralgia relief from it (me) while others find it makes them feel crazy.   Do you have any other physicians you can talk to?  A Urologist, anyone?

I don't know where you live, but maybe you should look for a new physician if you feel like this one "thinks you're crazy" and doesn't know you.  

Try not to freak out...it's actually a pretty safe drug that has been around a long time.   As a last resort, some pharmacists will give you a tapering schedule/some won't.  We're not allowed to on here, but I'm sure you can find a site that will...

Good luck Barry...and you can call me Robin.

Hugs,
Me

[bBarry]

Sorry, last question. Could I be having inter-dose w/d from the gabapentin? I have been taking some every night since close to the end of March and only took it during the day once. By the time I take it again every day I'm feeling okay. The time I took it during the day made everything worse.

Thanks

[bBarry]

Hi NeverAgain, Thanks for responding. I woke up this morning with my mind racing. It's getting real tired. Yes, I mentioned it to the Doctor and told him I was dumping 1/2 of a 300mg capsule out because it was making me sick. He put on my instructions to increase to 300mg  right away and add more every few days until I get to 900mg a day but be careful not to make myself sick. Do I have to draw him a picture? I didn't tell him I was getting racing, really messed up thoughts on top of feeling queezy. He already thinks I'm nuts, which I feel like I might be getting there. He doesn't know me at all. Obviously he thinks w/d from V should be over in 30 days or less. I never felt like this before mentally, even before the V and for 30 days after my last dose. It did start with the gabapentin

As far as sleep before the V,  I always slept like a rock. Now without the gabapentin I wake up in an hour and I'm done. A lot of it's pain from my wreck, my scapula is displaced and my collarbone is non-union. I have to sleep on my stomach from all the broken, displaced bones and ribs since 2002. I did go to a Doctor that said he thinks my head injury is a factor. I went over the handlebars at 30 and landed on pavement head first, no helmet. I have a flat spot on my head you could rest a drink on. He's a PM Doc that I can't get in to see for at least a month. Don't need that ki

I just am at such a loss right now. Medical care in my area is terrible.

[bBarry]

Hi again, After taking a long hot shower my foot got warmed up and I am feeling better. It's miraculous what draining the water heater over myself did. Was thinking about an Epsom Salts bath but whatever works to get through a rough day. It's not going to fix the problems but for now everything is looking better. I guess all we can do is enjoy the moments that we feel good.

Barry