Aa
I need hope :( , could someone share some w/ me?
Hi everyone
its been a rough ride, I have 54 days without opiates or any other drugs, but i still feel hopeless. i have days where i feel better about myself, but today isn't one of those days. i cant say i have a strong desire to use, but it deffinetly crosses my mind throughout the day. I haven't been sharing and am feeling alot of self pity, which ive struggled with alot in my life, even before drugs. I got a job, a car, a warm bed to sleep in, family, other recovering addicts in my presence, food in my belly, but still living a half *** recovery. I havent been sharing at meetings as much, putting my mask on like everything is alright, my current sponsor is busy a lot and i am trying to find a new one. I need something to hold me accountable in my life, left with my thoughts and my will ends up in me losing jobs, not paying the rent, and eventually in rehab. I walked this path before and dont want a repeat. I think maybe do things for the wrong reason sometimes. When i got outta rehab, i COULDNT WAIT to show my family and friends the new me, to impress them. (another one of my downfalls). Some days i feel so good and have hope, a little peace of mind, but this past week im eerrrr idk, falling back into my old ways i think, old behaviors and thinking patterns. I could never have enough of anything i love. When i get a taste of something that makes me happy (substances, people, passions, watever, i just cant let go. I persist to keep hanging on till it just turns to black, and im right back in the same emotional hell i came from. I was just at a meeting, ofcourse didnt share, and its bubbling up. Please give me some hope and strength, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, as long as your comment is from the heart, i wont be offended. thanks.
its been a rough ride, I have 54 days without opiates or any other drugs, but i still feel hopeless. i have days where i feel better about myself, but today isn't one of those days. i cant say i have a strong desire to use, but it deffinetly crosses my mind throughout the day. I haven't been sharing and am feeling alot of self pity, which ive struggled with alot in my life, even before drugs. I got a job, a car, a warm bed to sleep in, family, other recovering addicts in my presence, food in my belly, but still living a half *** recovery. I havent been sharing at meetings as much, putting my mask on like everything is alright, my current sponsor is busy a lot and i am trying to find a new one. I need something to hold me accountable in my life, left with my thoughts and my will ends up in me losing jobs, not paying the rent, and eventually in rehab. I walked this path before and dont want a repeat. I think maybe do things for the wrong reason sometimes. When i got outta rehab, i COULDNT WAIT to show my family and friends the new me, to impress them. (another one of my downfalls). Some days i feel so good and have hope, a little peace of mind, but this past week im eerrrr idk, falling back into my old ways i think, old behaviors and thinking patterns. I could never have enough of anything i love. When i get a taste of something that makes me happy (substances, people, passions, watever, i just cant let go. I persist to keep hanging on till it just turns to black, and im right back in the same emotional hell i came from. I was just at a meeting, ofcourse didnt share, and its bubbling up. Please give me some hope and strength, don't be afraid to hurt my feelings, as long as your comment is from the heart, i wont be offended. thanks.
Best Answer
Hang in there f I hate to see you being so hard on yourself.Focus on the problem that is most bothering you today,If you can do something about it do it.If it's something vague or if you can't then focus on a real problem thatyou can do something about.I think you are doing great and you will get better with time
Well said. TIME. Such a huge factor to getting well and no one likes to hear about that (and that thinking used to include me). But SO important.
The best advice given to me by someone at a meeting was to not over think things. Just get up and do whatever it is that needs to be done. We as addicts want instant solutions to our feelings and discomfort. When anything is out of place with us, we tend to over analyze them or how we feel before taking on doing something, even simple tasks such as leaving the house. I know there have been times that even showering and getting dressed, doing my hair, etc seemed like a major chore. When you start having low moments, that is when you need to pour yourself into something that distracts yourself from thinking about what's going on with your feelings or body. The more we focus on it, the worse it seems. We have to change our ways of dealing with things, replace our old behaviors with new/positive ones and parts of our daily routines that were centered around using. For example, if you needed to use to get up and get going in the mornings, most of us changed that habit by taking vitamins and eating something when we get up. For me, I would take a pill then sit around til it kicked in. I had to force myself to get up and just get going. Otherwise all I could do was think about how I felt at the moment. You are going to have good days and bad days. As time goes on you start to have more good days then bad. I believe that as addicts we used to deal with the ups and downs that are normal in life. Now we have to learn to cope without using a substance. You ARE doing this and even though it doesn't feel like it, you are doing fantastic! Time is on your side.
Just remember, getting clean doesn't mean your life's problems have been solved. It only means now you have a fair chance of handling those struggles BECAUSE you are clean. We are still going to have those bad days when we want an easy way out (i.e. want to use). But there isn't an easy way out You gotta deal with it and sometimes that *****.
But you can't check out on life's day-to-day struggles. You have to be present to handle it. Just try to hang in there, I do think these feelings are normal, at least it's what I went through.
But you can't check out on life's day-to-day struggles. You have to be present to handle it. Just try to hang in there, I do think these feelings are normal, at least it's what I went through.
54 Days without opiates or any other drugs is HUGE! YEAH YOU!!!!!
Several things came to mind as I've read your thread.....that stinkin thinkin,
that bottling up, that isolation, that "not sharing" stuff. That's the OLD us...and we are such infants at learning the NEW stuff right now. I'm glad to hear you are going to go to a mtg tonight AND SHARE. I love word pictures and I read somewhere that we when we bottle up and keep it all inside, it's like a major clog in our plumbing pipes coming into our homes.
We need to keep them clear/clean and free....taking out the waste and yet bringing in fresh water, too. Weird? Yeah...but so am I LOL To help with my stinkin thinkin and to LEARN new ways of thinking, I read recovery meditations each day, too. I have years of repetitious "wrong thinking patterns" and need to find ways to reinforce the new ways of thinking I want to live by NOW.......if we take away the old ways and don't replace them with new....we are kinda like a piece of swiss cheese that is left full of holes! We have to fill those holes with NEW things......then we won't become weak and break.
The videos vvic made reference to are twofold for me lately. You don't have to have HBO to view the one that I posted in one of my journals. Here it is:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/684321/Amazing-New-Information-About-Addiction-Fabulous
When you get to the web site, up in the top left hand corner is a link "understanding addiction". From there, MANY pages on addiction topics are available and a lot of them have short live videos on the r.h. side with TONS of testimonies and valuable info. I was Thrilled to find this. A short excerpt from the "understand addiction" link says:
"Addiction is a chronic relapsing brain disease. Brain imaging shows that addiction severly alters bain areas critical to decision-making, learning and memory, and behavior control which may help to explain the compulsive and destructive behaviors of addiction."
I felt SO much better after learning some of this. 30 yrs of RESEARCH and it is proven.....brain images, scans, etc. You can scoot around the site and read about relapse, aftercare, support for families, and much more!
Another good video is by Dr. Kevin T. McCauley called "Pleasure Unwoven". You can just type in a search for "you tube pleasure unwoven" and go from there. One of the you tube sites has 8 clips of McCauley's study/video. He uses the landscape of Utah to explain the neuroscience of our brains. He is a recovering addict, too, I believe.
You are doing SO good....and that hopelessness and stinkin thinkin plagues us all.....but we have been given ways to push and get thru....
And YOU are doing just that by posting and sharing....you go girl~
Several things came to mind as I've read your thread.....that stinkin thinkin,
that bottling up, that isolation, that "not sharing" stuff. That's the OLD us...and we are such infants at learning the NEW stuff right now. I'm glad to hear you are going to go to a mtg tonight AND SHARE. I love word pictures and I read somewhere that we when we bottle up and keep it all inside, it's like a major clog in our plumbing pipes coming into our homes.
We need to keep them clear/clean and free....taking out the waste and yet bringing in fresh water, too. Weird? Yeah...but so am I LOL To help with my stinkin thinkin and to LEARN new ways of thinking, I read recovery meditations each day, too. I have years of repetitious "wrong thinking patterns" and need to find ways to reinforce the new ways of thinking I want to live by NOW.......if we take away the old ways and don't replace them with new....we are kinda like a piece of swiss cheese that is left full of holes! We have to fill those holes with NEW things......then we won't become weak and break.
The videos vvic made reference to are twofold for me lately. You don't have to have HBO to view the one that I posted in one of my journals. Here it is:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/684321/Amazing-New-Information-About-Addiction-Fabulous
When you get to the web site, up in the top left hand corner is a link "understanding addiction". From there, MANY pages on addiction topics are available and a lot of them have short live videos on the r.h. side with TONS of testimonies and valuable info. I was Thrilled to find this. A short excerpt from the "understand addiction" link says:
"Addiction is a chronic relapsing brain disease. Brain imaging shows that addiction severly alters bain areas critical to decision-making, learning and memory, and behavior control which may help to explain the compulsive and destructive behaviors of addiction."
I felt SO much better after learning some of this. 30 yrs of RESEARCH and it is proven.....brain images, scans, etc. You can scoot around the site and read about relapse, aftercare, support for families, and much more!
Another good video is by Dr. Kevin T. McCauley called "Pleasure Unwoven". You can just type in a search for "you tube pleasure unwoven" and go from there. One of the you tube sites has 8 clips of McCauley's study/video. He uses the landscape of Utah to explain the neuroscience of our brains. He is a recovering addict, too, I believe.
You are doing SO good....and that hopelessness and stinkin thinkin plagues us all.....but we have been given ways to push and get thru....
And YOU are doing just that by posting and sharing....you go girl~
thanks both for your replys. Yea i think i know what i need to do, its just a matter of actually doing it, and not procrastinating. Im off work today, im gonna go to a meeting tonight and share. Its like they say, if youre going to meetings and not sharing when you need to, youre not making a meeting. I just need to get out of my head. Thanks!
You are reading content posted in the Addiction: Substance Abuse Community
Is treating glaucoma with marijuana all hype, or can hemp actually help?
If you think marijuana has no ill effects on your health, this article from Missouri Medicine may make you think again.
Julia Aharonov, DO, reveals the quickest way to beat drug withdrawal.
Tricks to help you quit for good.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Reduced dopamine activity. We depend on our brains abitlity to release dopamine in order to experience pleasure & motivate r responses to natual rewards of life, sight, smell, food, sex. Drugs produce very rapid dopamine surges & the brain responds to reducing normal dopamine activity. The disrupted dopamine system renders the addict incapable of feeling any pleasure even from the drugs they seek to feed addiction.
Altered brain regions that control decisionmaking & judgment. Drugs affect the regions of the brain that help us control our desires and emotions. Resulting lack of control leads addicted people to compulsively pursue drugs , even when the drugs have lost there power to reward.
The disease of addiction can develop in people despite their best intention or strenght of character. It is insidious because it affects the very brain areas that people need to "think straight" apply good judgement & make decisions for their lives. No one wants to grow up to be an addict....
This comes from the paper work I got from a DR who helps people get clean. It came from the HBO....It goes on and there is the serition, enorphine,gabba that go down and the dopamines go up high. When we comeclean this has to balance back, dopamines back down the good ones back up. I feel this is why we get depressed it takes time. I am in my 6 month of a hard *****ride and I can say I feel happier everyday
Heck when I went to school many many ....yrs ago I only saw a egg being fried in a pan, my mom says maybe they should of scrambled it HA!
As far as my GOD I have always been strong I just would not listen and ran. I feel him more then ever. AND I have worked these steps 3 times in my life. I am now starting all over and going to look at in a different way. Not about the drug but how to deal with life and the emotions we use to ride it. I needed time to heal my body and the brain is still doing its thing. I could not focus to read. Had to go to NA/AA were there was book study but now I am ready. So do what you have to do when you are ready. You are reaching out here and this will help to open up in a meeting you sound like you are doing better then the first post we did....
My God continue to hold you in his hand..You can do it min by min
vickie