Aa
I'm new and need some help and information.
Hi everyone. I just found this site today and I'm not sure if I'm even in the right place, so if I'm not, could someone direct me? It looks like I am supposed to ask the doctor a question first, is this right?
I'm not savvy with the internet, and I have been trying to find an on-line place where I can get real time help from people who have been there. I am sitting here with tears of frustration because I don't know what to do about my husband and I am isolated. I have no family or friends in the area, and no car of my own.
I won't go into the whole story until I find out if I am in the right place or not. I have so many questions I don't know where to begin.
I have quickly skimmed over the threads here any it looks like many have the same problems he has with narcotic pills and drugs.
Thanks in advance for any help or direction you can give me.
PS: I tried to find info and help in a Nar-anon site but there was nothing there.
I'm not savvy with the internet, and I have been trying to find an on-line place where I can get real time help from people who have been there. I am sitting here with tears of frustration because I don't know what to do about my husband and I am isolated. I have no family or friends in the area, and no car of my own.
I won't go into the whole story until I find out if I am in the right place or not. I have so many questions I don't know where to begin.
I have quickly skimmed over the threads here any it looks like many have the same problems he has with narcotic pills and drugs.
Thanks in advance for any help or direction you can give me.
PS: I tried to find info and help in a Nar-anon site but there was nothing there.
Hi, Info. I have just read your predicament and the valiant steps you and your husband have taken. I'm curious where you found a detox program for $500.00? I'm in California and the cheapest I have been quoted is $3,500 for a month. Like your husband (at the start of your messages) my son is very thin, doesn't eat or drink much, his muscle tone has gone. I have tried just about everywhere to get him help. Some of the places don't even answer my e-mail when I ask for their costs. They probably figure that if I have to ask, I can't afford it! One who did reply even told me that the money is not the point (they quoted $18,000), it was my son's life at stake. You can imagine how I felt. I don't have $18,000, but would sell my soul for that amount if that what it takes to make my son better.
Anyway, I'm so glad to read that you 'stand by your man', as in the words of the song. You must love him very much. Hang in there, I'm sure with your support your husband will overcome.
Bless you
Anyway, I'm so glad to read that you 'stand by your man', as in the words of the song. You must love him very much. Hang in there, I'm sure with your support your husband will overcome.
Bless you
Hi info:
I have been reading your posts and the story sounds very familiar to me... my story. I'm a recovering addict and I was wondering if anyone has ever told you about Narcotics Anonymous. There is nothing like sitting around a room full of people who know what the hell you are going through. There are people there who are in all phases of recovery ranging from 1 day to 20+ years. I remember going to my first meeting and hearing a guy who had 10 years of clean time talking about how used to be just like me (or your husband), strung out on dope, and not thinking that there was any hope. I just stared at him because he looked so happy, and healthy, and he had just came in from work with his suit on. I couldn't belive he had ever been like me!! It gave me something I hadn't had before...HOPE!! I'm not saying the road is easy, and I'm not saying that once you put the drugs down everthing magically gets better, but Narcotics Anonymous saved my life. Most of us realized that in our addiction we were slowly committing suicide, but our addiction is so strong that we had lost the power to do anything about it. Narcotics Anonymous feels that the value of one addict helping another is without parallel. It makes pwerfect sense, because one addict can best understand and help another addict.
Well, that's my two sense for whatever's it worth. I will pray for you and your husband and as always, I thank God for another day clean.
I have been reading your posts and the story sounds very familiar to me... my story. I'm a recovering addict and I was wondering if anyone has ever told you about Narcotics Anonymous. There is nothing like sitting around a room full of people who know what the hell you are going through. There are people there who are in all phases of recovery ranging from 1 day to 20+ years. I remember going to my first meeting and hearing a guy who had 10 years of clean time talking about how used to be just like me (or your husband), strung out on dope, and not thinking that there was any hope. I just stared at him because he looked so happy, and healthy, and he had just came in from work with his suit on. I couldn't belive he had ever been like me!! It gave me something I hadn't had before...HOPE!! I'm not saying the road is easy, and I'm not saying that once you put the drugs down everthing magically gets better, but Narcotics Anonymous saved my life. Most of us realized that in our addiction we were slowly committing suicide, but our addiction is so strong that we had lost the power to do anything about it. Narcotics Anonymous feels that the value of one addict helping another is without parallel. It makes pwerfect sense, because one addict can best understand and help another addict.
Well, that's my two sense for whatever's it worth. I will pray for you and your husband and as always, I thank God for another day clean.
You got the weight of the world on your shoulders right now. Lisabet is correct in saying that it has to be 100% his choice to use or not. If you decide to leave him or not must be 100% your choice as well. Like I said before be careful of what he might promise or say to make it seem like he is going to get clean. We addicts are expert liars and manulipulators. Do not let him do that to you. Can you take control of the finances? That way you will have a roof over your head. I think if you call AA they may be able to talk to you over the phone about Alnon or arrange to have someone pick you up for a meeting. Also if you go to the AA website they will have information on how to deal with an addict. Or go to the public library and find books on Alnon. This will give you some direction as to what you can do to deal with him.
Your story really touched me for some reason. Maybe because you are supportive of your husband, or because you seem so nice. I really want this to turn out for the best for YOU. If that means that you have to leave or stay that is only for you decide. I guess it is really what you are willing to put up with. You can also call a professional counselor to help you through this trying time. If you call your local office of mental health they should put you in contact with a free or low cost counselor. I think another reason why your situation touched me is that I can see how much you care and how he continues to use dispite the fact that you are more than willing to help. This proves that he is on his own and must decide for himself. Please take care of yourself and keep your chin up! Pamela
Your story really touched me for some reason. Maybe because you are supportive of your husband, or because you seem so nice. I really want this to turn out for the best for YOU. If that means that you have to leave or stay that is only for you decide. I guess it is really what you are willing to put up with. You can also call a professional counselor to help you through this trying time. If you call your local office of mental health they should put you in contact with a free or low cost counselor. I think another reason why your situation touched me is that I can see how much you care and how he continues to use dispite the fact that you are more than willing to help. This proves that he is on his own and must decide for himself. Please take care of yourself and keep your chin up! Pamela
Thank you Pammy and Anhedonio for posting. I burst into tears when I read your posts. I have NO ONE to talk to about this, and you are a lifeline to me right now.
The thing about going to a meeting. I had a great little lease car for a few years, and planned on getting another one when the lease was up.
Well, it turned out that my husband spent all the money I was going to use for it on heroine. So, now I'm without a car, stuck in this house. I only get out a few times week to dash to the store for groceries or to see my doctors.
The thing that gets me is I have more real health problems than he does, but I live with the aches and pains. I can't even take over the counter tynenol due to a freak thing that happened to me. He holds onto the "pain" he "thinks" he has as an excuse.
Even if he tried and failed, at least he would have tried, know what I mean? I can't fault anyone for trying, even if it doesn't stick the first time. Or the second, or third, at least there is an EFFORT to have self awareness and live free.
I don't want to see him in the angony of withdrawl, I really don't.
I almost died a few years ago from an allergic reaction to a medication I was prescribed and went into liver failure. I KNOW what suffering is. I was bedridden for months in such agony I couldn't even watch tv or talk on the phone. I don't wish it on anyone, but its the only way he can heal and be free.
I KNOW how scared he must be to think of facing this, but I'm so frustrated at this situation I feel like I'm losing my mind.
He says he feels bad about all this, but??? He doesn't know how far he's fallen. He can't see it. And I can't make him see it. I fear he won't see it until he's in a jail cell or I'm gone.
I suspect if I leave him he will use hard until he's dead. I have that thought hanging over me. I swear if it was legal I would comit him for as long as it takes. But I can't, I have no power at all. None.
Anyway, I don't want to get off on a rant here. He just poked his head in the door and I have to see what he wants. Maybe this will be the time he tells me he's ready. Maybe...maybe...
Take care everyone, I admire and thank you all!
The thing about going to a meeting. I had a great little lease car for a few years, and planned on getting another one when the lease was up.
Well, it turned out that my husband spent all the money I was going to use for it on heroine. So, now I'm without a car, stuck in this house. I only get out a few times week to dash to the store for groceries or to see my doctors.
The thing that gets me is I have more real health problems than he does, but I live with the aches and pains. I can't even take over the counter tynenol due to a freak thing that happened to me. He holds onto the "pain" he "thinks" he has as an excuse.
Even if he tried and failed, at least he would have tried, know what I mean? I can't fault anyone for trying, even if it doesn't stick the first time. Or the second, or third, at least there is an EFFORT to have self awareness and live free.
I don't want to see him in the angony of withdrawl, I really don't.
I almost died a few years ago from an allergic reaction to a medication I was prescribed and went into liver failure. I KNOW what suffering is. I was bedridden for months in such agony I couldn't even watch tv or talk on the phone. I don't wish it on anyone, but its the only way he can heal and be free.
I KNOW how scared he must be to think of facing this, but I'm so frustrated at this situation I feel like I'm losing my mind.
He says he feels bad about all this, but??? He doesn't know how far he's fallen. He can't see it. And I can't make him see it. I fear he won't see it until he's in a jail cell or I'm gone.
I suspect if I leave him he will use hard until he's dead. I have that thought hanging over me. I swear if it was legal I would comit him for as long as it takes. But I can't, I have no power at all. None.
Anyway, I don't want to get off on a rant here. He just poked his head in the door and I have to see what he wants. Maybe this will be the time he tells me he's ready. Maybe...maybe...
Take care everyone, I admire and thank you all!
Hi honey - I'm sorry things didn't work out as you hoped. I sense you've reached the "end of your rope", and when that happens BELIEVE me, you'll know it. The sad truth is, you can't "save" this man, as much as you care for him. It has to be 100% HIS decision to get clean and stay that way. I know that makes you feel helpless, but if you look at it in a different way maybe it will actually "empower" you to admit and realize that it is not your responsibility, but his. You are only responsible for your own actions, not his. If he's hell-bent on killing himself with drugs, he'll do it with or without your support. I'm by no means an expert, but my gut advise is to take care of yourself right now, till you figure out what is best for YOU!!! Take it a day at a time, info - I wish you peace of mind, and the means within yourself to find it. Love you, Lisabet
Hi everyone. Well, my husband went right back to using. He told me its "just" methadone tablets but I think its more. (maybe even crack, I don't know)
I don't think I can take anymore of this. I just want to be away from it.
If he hadn't messed up our finances so bad, I think I would leave. I might still have to. I have a feeling he is trading his future paycheck for it. I came into this marriage will all the money and most of it is gone now. Ah well, I always thought I was brighter than that. Guess I'm not because here I am. I had choices and I choose him, so I have only myself to blame for that.
He doesn't just have a monkey on his back, he has a HUGE GORILLA sitting on his head. I can't fight it.
I don't even think in-house de-tox and in-house re-hab will help him at this point. That VA doctor filled his head with a promise of free methadone, that put an idea in his head that wasn't there before.
Even if he did make it to the pain doc, found a way to pay for it, and even if the pain doc agreed, and even if my husband got the free 4 tabs of 10ml methadone from the VA, he would probably end up trading it out, or abusing it somehow. I just know it.
I have been reading everyone's courageous fights against the monster here, and I realize some have fallen off only to get back up again. I commend you. I would be happy with an effort at this point, and although he says not to give up, that he is thinking about it, I feel myself giving up more and more everyday and turning my thoughts to building a new life for myself, somehow. 12 years is just too long, and this last year was the iceing on the cake.
Sorry I couldn't come on here and give better news, I haven't posted for days hoping that things would turn around so I could have something other than this to report.
Thanks for all your help and kind words last week, I really appriciate it.
I wish your efforts could have paid off more. It must feel good when you get to actually help someone. Keep up the good work. If anything changes I'll let you know. I still lurk here cheering you on.
Maybe when I get over my poor me phase I'll be able to do more than just cheer you silently.
I don't think I can take anymore of this. I just want to be away from it.
If he hadn't messed up our finances so bad, I think I would leave. I might still have to. I have a feeling he is trading his future paycheck for it. I came into this marriage will all the money and most of it is gone now. Ah well, I always thought I was brighter than that. Guess I'm not because here I am. I had choices and I choose him, so I have only myself to blame for that.
He doesn't just have a monkey on his back, he has a HUGE GORILLA sitting on his head. I can't fight it.
I don't even think in-house de-tox and in-house re-hab will help him at this point. That VA doctor filled his head with a promise of free methadone, that put an idea in his head that wasn't there before.
Even if he did make it to the pain doc, found a way to pay for it, and even if the pain doc agreed, and even if my husband got the free 4 tabs of 10ml methadone from the VA, he would probably end up trading it out, or abusing it somehow. I just know it.
I have been reading everyone's courageous fights against the monster here, and I realize some have fallen off only to get back up again. I commend you. I would be happy with an effort at this point, and although he says not to give up, that he is thinking about it, I feel myself giving up more and more everyday and turning my thoughts to building a new life for myself, somehow. 12 years is just too long, and this last year was the iceing on the cake.
Sorry I couldn't come on here and give better news, I haven't posted for days hoping that things would turn around so I could have something other than this to report.
Thanks for all your help and kind words last week, I really appriciate it.
I wish your efforts could have paid off more. It must feel good when you get to actually help someone. Keep up the good work. If anything changes I'll let you know. I still lurk here cheering you on.
Maybe when I get over my poor me phase I'll be able to do more than just cheer you silently.
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