Is this mind over matter?

[rooney30]

I'm now missing my 2nd day of work b/c of no lortabs left. I need to get through the w/d part before facing reality again, but no way in the world can i put myself into a hospital (which is probably what i need to do). I hope to God that I can face going in tomorrow. Thankfully, I have a great friend at work who knows exactly what I'm going through. Funny thing is with this LT addiction, I'm trying to convince myself that it's just a mental addiction. I once took a pill out of my purse and put it in my pocket,and forgot to take it. Wouldn't you know that 20-30 min. later, I felt a little High??!! I wish somehow that i could pop a tic-tac and mentally think it was an LT. That was just a one time event, but right then and there is when I realized that just the "thought" of taking one gets me a little rush. Yesterday I took 2, and I have one left, which I will probably take today,I'm guessing. That's a big cut from the usual 6 to 9 that i take a day. I can't taper at all. Yeah, so I made 3 LTs last 2 days, but that's not the appropriate way to taper. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks!

[GOD]

For what it's worth...

May I make a statement here...

YOU created that life; and although it was lost so tragically, the soul lives on and watches you. He sees YOUR pain with this addiction to the Hydros. You are NOT alone. Your addiction may, or may not continue- however HIS love does continue, and GOD's love for you goes ON and ON. You see this forum isn't just a bunch of "Junkies"-- OUR COMPASSION IS THE SUM of that that does EXPRESS the HIGHER POWER'S love for you.

You will start to see that You and I (All of us) ARE that power, and it can bring healing to you.

Breathless prayer

[Moxy-oxy]

Welcome to the forum. It is funny how similar your story is to many others' on this forum, that they had never been involved in any type of drug abuse or any deviance whatsoever until they picked up their first vicodin or lortab. Growing up in New York City, I was introduced to drugs and addiction before I really even got started in life. So many of my friends became addicts so young, at sixteen and seventeen, and to drugs like heroin and crystal methamphetamine. Friends of mine whose parents had no idea how to love them or take care of them. Who let their kids loose in New York City at eleven years old. For me, my father was a crack addict, and I knew I had the addictive gene. Even when I went to boarding school, and studied and kept on the straight and narrow, I always knew that my curiosity would get the best of me. All I thought I wanted from life was to come to Hollywood, get a great high-paying job with a producer, and live the life of the rich and snobby. When I came out here, and my dreams came true, I became so alienated and despondant that I turned to opiates. Vicodin and oxycontin were prescribed to me as often as I wanted by a "psychiatrist to the stars". He just gave me whatever I wanted. Finally, I found something to fill that great big hole inside me. I could get loaded all the time, and work and deal with the superficial actors and directors whom I couldn't stand normally. It was like I had been gone all my life and I just came home. I moved on to heroin and dilaudid, and my habit reached the out-of-control phase. And now, finally taking steps to get clean, I have my pride back, and my life back, but that hole is also back. No matter what I do, exercise, women, sports, TV, movies whatever, nothing fills that hole quite like the opiates. And I love to get high. An addict to my marrow. But in the end, at 22 years old, I can't waste anymore time. You can't get high forever. And in the end, you are just delaying living your life. It will still be there when you come back. So whether you decide to quit cold turkey now, or after your three refills, you still have to go through the pain, and learn how to live again. We all have problems living. Drugs are not the problem, they are only a symptom. A symptom of a disorder that makes it harder for us to accept life on its own terms. But don't be afraid to learn...its worth it.

[Goldenbear]

I could never imagine your pain. You are very welcome here. We all share a common thread... addiction that covers more deeply rooted problems. I still have no idea what I have been hiding from while I abused Lorcet. You actually may be one step ahead of many of us. I am a little over 5 days clean at a simular usage level to your hydro. After reading the threads on this site for a couple of months I asked my wife to throw away my last script of 10/650... more than 50 pills. If you want to get clean you will find awesome support on this site. It is a tough, emotional rollercoaster getting clean. I hope you have support from friends and family. Good luck to you...
Goldenbear

[Tuss-ex]

First an most importantly do not beat yourself up over this.  You have been through a lot, which means that you are a strong person.  

You are not alone in your situation: I am a middle aged man with a wife at home a daughter in private school and a good job.  I was also hoplessly addicted for 3+ years ( I have been off the tussonex for over 29 days now).  You go along nobody knows in fact I raised my income significantly during this time. There are a few milestones that are hard to miss.  The first is the day you finally admit to yourself that you have a monkey on your back ( I named my Mr. Gingles since we were going to be spending so much close and personal time together).  I can't speak for anyone else, but that was not even close to the day I decided to stop, but a good chunck of ole self esteem takes a hike.  I continued on unabaited (sp) for another year.  Then the next big milestone hit.  I'm going to stop, I am a grown man, how bad can it be.. By day 3 of the w/d I would have hacked up a lung in a doctors office to get the script.  Then I began a fun journey all on my own because I was to afraid to tell anybody.  That was a roller coaster of Kick the habit...habit kicks me...kick the habit..habit kicks me.  This is when the last remaining bit of my self esteem decided to pack up an go.  The last milestone is a very personal one: something or someone makes you decide to say enough.  

For me I was lucky, I told my family about the problem and they didn't leave in fact they have been very supportive.  I found this fourm which was/is invaluable in dealing with every aspect of addiction from using/withdrawls/recovery.  I also started seeing a phycologist who handles substance abuse issues.  Please believe me I just wanted you to know that you are NOT ALONE.  The fact that you are here says alot about where you are and where you want to be. There are people here who know tons more than I on the subject of tapering.  I could never taper.  Since you have some refills you could taper and It will help the w/d's, but like I said I could no more taper than pull a rabbit out of my butt.  I am willing to help in whatever way I can.  I wanted to show you how similar our situations are.  I think you want help, please let someone -- anyone help share the enormous burden.  I will pray for you in whatever you decide to do.

Rob

[Chezz]

I am sorry about you son. I am speachless. I can't imagine the pain. It is almost too much for me.
You will find support, answers, and compassion here. I hope you will keep posting.....Its the 1st step.
Chezz

[bmac]

I am truly sorry about your son.I know how that can change life.I too lost my stepdaughter to a terrible death and now I have her daughter and I and my wife are raising her as our daughter.My wife went thru all you have said about your having to deal with life after such an experience and I really feel for you.It is the hardest thing to deal with,the losing of a child.
No one could ever understand until they walk in those shoes.
As for your habit,You can beat it and you know that.But it won't
be easy.But because of what you have been thru nothing will ever be as hard as that.Just keep posting and let it all out.We will
be here for you whenever you need someone  .Welcome.              Bmac