I know, it was my absence, but I want to share what I felt. I will be honest, it was a rude awakening to find out how dependent I am on this computer. Always have a backup. Learned that the hard way...I do have a computer guy and he does tell me what the proper code of conduct is for a pc owner. I just don't listen...like a lot of things in my life. It will never happen to me, right?
I really missed having this forum, and some days I realized it is a crutch. Oddly enough I was being encouraged to break free and "let go" and move on before my computer crashed. As if I was "stuck" here, in life, in work, in love....when the computer crashed I HAD TO LET GO OF THE ROPE, and it was enlightening. I do spend way too much time discussing my problems and getting support from you. I was forced to get off my ass and make decisions for myself. Instead of hopping on the forum for all the love and acceptance I could ever ask for, I had to gather the courage to support and love myself.
Think about it, what would you do if you didn't have a phone, tv, radio, or computer for awhile. There was a silence in my world, but it was kinda scary...as the days went on, I became more comfortable...reaching out to my dog, cats, books, walks in the park, coffee shop, work.
So, being cut off from a platform (FORUM) to share my fears, I had to face them on my own.
Next...(I told you I had a week to go on about) I will tell you about how it also felt to know you all were in the struggle and I could not tell you how much I care and couldn't listen to you. That hurt...chapter three will be accountability. I had no one to lie or tell the truth to.. Just little old me, on my merry rollercoaster of being a freakin junkie.