Avatar universal

My Boss Suboxone

I am a 26 year old single mother born and raised in Hawaii aka 'Paradise".  My life is great and I am happy with everything the good and the bad.  Im just grateful cause theres always someone a little deeper down under.  There is just one thing I am tired of surrendering to which is suboxone.  Growing up I was around pain killers since 8 years old.  After a major heavy equipment accident my father fell victim to a pain killer addiction shortly after my handicap mother did as well.  My parents would have us take maybe a hydrocodone during a cold for coughs since it does suppress the respiratory system or a sports injury.  So it really was like Dime tap or Benedryl in my house growing up.  When I hit high school I realized I got a high on it.  So of course my brother and  I would ask our parents for pills here and there maybe a weekend or two a month and it was always given to us.  We liked it too much.  It started more and more.  Till we started going to the local QUACK doctor, you know the one that writes every patient a script for 60 hydros 2 refills, maybe Valiums, whatever you want.  After awhile we were hooked.  The script never cut the entire month and buying it on the street was also a must.  So now theres me and my brother and our parents stuck on pain killers.  Problems it caused.  Money it took.  I spent about a 1000 a month easy for just my pills not to mention the scripts and friends scrips\ts who would just go to the drs to help us out.  The pills took over my whole life.  I worked for pills.  Everything was controlled.  Worrying about how im going to work tomorrow cause Im out feeling sick as a dog, cold sweats, diarrhea, awful feelings in my legs, hearts racing, eyes watery, runny nose just sick as hell. Well finally we found out about suboxone which seemed like a miracle.  My brother and wife got into the program and started turning things around.  So in desperate need, I went to the doctor and told him the whole truth.  Why I started, when, the qmounts i took which was 30 750mg a day.  I cried my eyes out because I wanted off for so long I didnt want to live anymore with this life and guess what?   He denied me!!  I couldnt believe it!  How is that possible?  Well its true.  So for a year now I have been clean of pain killers and on Suboxone BUT its not my script.  Ive been buying them on the street.  And it really ***** and hurts to know that no matter how much I needed the help, wanted it and prayed for it I never got it.  So here I am for the last year buying suboxone to try and better myself on my own and illegally, doctoring myself, trying to research on everything since I do not have a doctor to help me and I am tired of it too.  Im tired of being controlled by suboxone.  Dont get me wrong Suboxone got me out of hell but how do I get off of suboxone?  Im still being controlled.  I dont need it anymore.  Im ready to be me again on my own without this dependency.  Just thinking of pain pills makes me wanna throw up.  Thats how much I wanted off of it.  So help me god I will never again touch a pain pill..  Now I want to say that about Suboxone. Can anyone help me?  I truly am desperate and as Im writing  my eyes are watering and tears are starting to fall because I just want out of this.  Every time I have to take a suboxone im embarrassed and feel like a bad person, a bad mother.  I keep thinking about all my dreams that are moving further each time that pills is under my tongue because of this.  Im burning inside to chase my dreams in law enforcement to be a police officer or sheriff but as long as this is going on my dreams will never happen.  If anyone out there has advice for me, ideas, experiences please respond.  I just want my life back I just want to be my own boss and run my own life.  Im really unsure on tappering amounts or how long it should take to do this and as you have read theres no doctor to help me.  Thanks for your time, care and understanding.
9 Responses
Avatar universal
well first of lets start off by how much sub r u taking each day???
990521 tn?1311906308
Hi Hawaii - welcome to the forum.  Your story is just like so many others on here.  

In order to assess where you are and how to taper you need to tell how much of a dose of suboxone you are on.  Suboxone is very strong and can take some time to taper - do not quit taking it unless you are down below 1mg/day.  If you are taking 8mg, you should be able to drop to 4 mg without too much trouble.  Once you get to the 4mg point, then start dropping down by about 1/2mg every few days.  Be sure that you are only dosing just once per day - any more than that will cause you to have more withdrawal.  Once you get down to 2mg, then start dropping a little slower, 1/2mg every 4-5 days.  Drop down until you are just taking crumbs, then jump off for good.  You will still suffer some withdrawal, but it will be much less vs. dropping off at the higher dose.  Typically with suboxone it will take a couple of weeks before you are back to your old self.  Read the Thomas Recipe and use that, it will help.  Best of luck.
Avatar universal
Hey thanks for responding both of you.  Well as for the amount Im taking I began @ 2 8mg pills per day once in the morning and then evening.  I eventually changed it to 1 and a 1/2 a day and for the last 7 days have been taking 1/2 in the morning and 1/2 in the evening so 8mgs per day.  What should be my next tapper amouunt?  And when should I do this?  Im looking foward to hear from both of you.  Thanks again for your time, understanding and advice.
Avatar universal
Sounds like you're on the right track.  I took suboxone for 6 weeks.  4 weeks 1 tab of 8 mgs. 1/2 in a.m. and 1/2 in p.m. then down to 1/2 for the day.  I was pretty heavily into percs, fetanyl patches and morphine.  Very surprised that suboxone worked so effectively.  Had no cravings and got completely off the suboxone.  The only thing it didnt relieve was the time spent on drug seeking behavior.  I didn't know how to fill up my time when I wasn't using.  Like I had all this "free time" or sober time, and I didn't know what to do with myself.  I eventually relapsed but have now been clean for some time.  Going to NA meetings each day to try to stay clean, but the temptation is still there.  Suboxone was a miracle drug for me in terms of skipping withdrawals and losing the cravings.  Got to taper off that stuff, too.  Best of luck.
Avatar universal
Ms. Hawaii.. First, thanks for sharing your story.  Second, don't panic.  You have come a lonng way and should be proud of all you've achieved this far.  I know how you feel and became a slave to the sub also.  I am now over a year OFF suboxone (some bumps in the road along the way) but I can say the best thing I've ever done (and the hardest) was coming off suboxone.  

You are on the right track, but will definitely need to taper lower.  8mgs/day is still a LOT of suboxone.. I tapered over a few years down to 1mg.  Those more successful with me (successful meaning having less of a hard time coming off) tapered even lower. Teeny tiny crumbs or slivers of suboxone (0.25 mgs or less!).  You've been on a while so a short taper will not work for you.  Slow and steady for a long term sub taper.  Is it possible for you to get 2mg subs?  A lot easier to taper with I would think.  

Stay on the forum - there are so many helpful people here. Posting will keep you grounded.  
Avatar universal
Hey all...

Thank you for the advice, your precious time and most of all your understanding.  I try to stay positive and be proud of myself for at least not doing pain pills anymore but then I remember Im still depending on a damn pill.  Right now my mind is strong.  I feel like I can do it.  I am doing it and I will do it.  How long should I wait to taper off a little more?  Like I said Im at 8mg/day once in the morning 4mg and evening 4mg and it has been a week and 3 days. I really want to be careful and get this right I will not allow myself to fail at this.  Too many dreams and too much life to waste to fail.  I always wonder what if there was a natural disaster like Louisiana what would I do then?  So Im really all in.  I am curious to know how bad the withdrawals are after tapering to crumbs and then to nothing?  Also, how long will it last? Please check back from time to time so I can ask questions when I need to.  The support alone helps me so very much.  Otherwise I wouldnt have anyone else since my family members are either still on pills or on something harder.  So this forum is what I got!  Thanks again and I will be back to read any replies.
Avatar universal
Thanks for continuing to post.  It's difficult for anyone to tell you how to taper.  By now, I would think you would be on 2 mg. in the a.m. and 2 mg. at night.  Then break that piece in half and do 1 and 1 and then 1/2 and 1/2.  I'm no doctor, but from my experience, I would give each taper at least a week.  Personally, I didn't have any trouble weaning of the suboxone.  I read that some people do.  It stopped my cravings and kept me from withdrawals.  Like I said before, the hardest time was living life not being high or mood-altered.  Too much free time - sober time and not used to it.  I also think the suboxone had a pain relief component to it as well.  The doctor said it didn't, but I did get some pain relief from suboxone. You should be proud of yourself not using the pain pills.  It is a big leap from that to, say, advil for pain relief.  Keep us posted on your progress!
Avatar universal
Hi.... thanks for the support again.  Im happy to say I am now no longer doing the 4mg dose twice a day AM and PM and have tapered to half that so 2 mg per dose twice dail AM and PM.  Yeah I have been feeling down like energy levels are lower, a little cold and hot chills and have a hard time sleeping.  They saw excersise helps and it does!  I didnt believe it at first especiall when you feel crappy but hey its great.  Im feeling okay or beeter then yesterday or the day before.  I will hopefully be trying to cut that in half to 1mg twice daily next week.  I am hoping this is a good amount of time.  My minds still strong and am still fighting to beat this. Ill keep posting more as I get closer to freedom of my dependency.  Thanks for everything again : )
306455 tn?1288862071
At some point you're going to have to get down to taking one dose per day, and now sounds like a good time to do this, before you drop down again. If taking your dose is more convenient in the AM, start to work towards that by taking 3mgs in the AM and only 1 mg in PM. Since Sub has a very long half life, you hopefully shouldn't feel the change to much. Eventually get to the point where you are taking it only once a day.
I've been on Sub for 2 years and am tapering off now. I went from 6mgs to 4-5 mgs a day to currently 2 mgs a day with really no problem at all. Today, I've dropped to 1 mg. I know it will probably be a much slower taper when getting below the 1 mg mark.
Keep up the good work, you'll make it to the life without any pills and so will I.
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