"NO" for once

[whattodo10325]

I just wanted to share a brief moment of happiness. On my way home today from meeting with my accountant regarding my business and personal taxes, my dealer called, obviously to tell me he had gotten more Norco's (my favorite). I just looked at the phone (saw his name and number) and put the phone right back down, knowing there was no way in Hell I was going to answer it or buy more pills. Lately, he has been getting a good chunck of my extra income, but not today. Usually when I see his name/number on the phone I get excited, even if I have plenty of pills already. I was always in fear of running out so I would buy 100-200 Norco's at a time. Well after trying to quit c/t and also trying the taper method. I decided to go the Sub route, and after much research, I am certain it was the right choice for me. I took my last pills Wednesday afternoon and my first dose of Sub Thursday afternoon. It has worked well for me and I ahve been able to function for the most part. Yes, I know that I am going to have to deal with coming off of the Sub and it is not going to be easy, as I have done A LOT of research on it before I started the treatment. The mental part is still hard but the Sub does curb my physical w/d's and for that I am thankful. I actually think it helped save my life in a way. Again, after trying c/t and tapering I was taking more pills then ever. I was taking 65+ of the Norco's 10/325 a day, everyday for over a month (50+ a day for a while before that). 15-18 of them at once as soon as I woke up in the morning. I thought it was coming to a matter of life or death so I jumped on the Sub train, and glad I did. It is still not been easy, but knowing how c/t feels, it is a lot easier then that (for me). And I also know that when I come off the Sub, that is going to be another battle all its own. I am trying the 21 day Sub plan that I read about online here. Anyway, Sub is not for everyone, I used it as a LAST resort, and for today, and the last few days, it is working. I actually didn't answer my phone when my dealer called today, that is CRAZY, in the best way possible. In the past I could have 200-300 pills on me and when he called I would still want more if he had them. Just to feel secure. Plus remember I was taking 65+ a day, so a hundred pills was not even enough for 2 days. I was spending A LOT of money there for a while ( a long while). Anyway, I was excited today when he called and I didnt answer the phone, I told myself, NO I am done with this. I know he will get the hint quickly as we use to talk every other day and I have know him for 12 years or so. Funny thing is that he is a family man to. Wife and kids and the whole 9 yards. I feel bad for him to. I am so thankful for this site and for the encouragement I have received over the last couple of months. It has truly been a blessing. Anyway as for the Sub. I personally think c/t and tapering are better methods if you can do it that way. I COULD NOT or WOULD NOT. However you want to look at it. Either way, I am now putting 2 pills a day (Sub) into my body and not 65+. I know Sub is a drug and I am by no means living a "sober" life at the moment (that is my take on it for myself). I have done my research and found a method of treatment that helped save my liffe. I actually ended up in the ER a couple months ago from taking to many in 1 day (wasn't trying to hurt myself, just kept taking them to get high). Felt like I was going to die and I knew I would be there again soon if I didn't act fast. Well, that is where I am at today and tomorrow I start cutting down on my dose of Sub. The 21 day plan seems doable. Hard, but it can be done, hell, it has been done. That is all from me. My mind is burnt (as is my liver) and I am going upstairs to unwind. Thanks again to all of you for your support and kind words. It has been a hell of a road for me and I am looking forward to a different path for the future, for me and my family.

[Ronnie152]

That is a good feeling to say no...... You did a good thing and I am happy for you, good job! Enjoy your new life.

[whattodo10325]

Thanks for that. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I am heading in a good/right direction. Hope things are well on your end and thanks again for the positive feedback!

[elwoodsf]

You didn't answer the call!!! Great job. You are heading in the healthy direction.

Congrat's to you ~ El