One post to answer in!

[pooka999]

   I'm having to jump from post to post...so please answer in this one so I can keep up.  Thank you all for being here. I've been reading these posts for about a week now. And The last few days have been really bad.  I've taken leave from work to get over this.......cravings are horrible, but having the pills are worse.  

[HyperSync]

I remember that feeling, day 5 off methadone I was freaking out. In a panic.  It has got to be the scariest feeling in the world (next to being on fire I guess)

The most important thing is what emilyanne said. The 'Natural' high of being drug free is way more intense than being on pills (was on them for a year and quit for 3 months before going on methadone for Two years...Long Story)

[1911]

I want to compliment you on a good decision to take time off from work.  That was a smart decision.  Now, you can focus on your w/d and not have the added burden of stress from outside sources.

Stay with us...we're family.

~George~

[emilyanne]

Goodnight, All!
I have a 2 year old, who likes to get up at 5am lately, so I HAVE to try and get some sleep if I can, but when he wakes up at 5, I will sign on and check on you, Pooka!! Good luck tonight, and remember as the hours tick by with you feeling like **** and not being able to sleep, this too shall pass, and it is worth it!!!!!!!! Talk to you all tomorrow! Stay strong tonight! Love, Emily

[pooka999]

  I'm so very tired.  I'm going to take a hot shower, say a prayer (thanking God for all of you), and try to get some sleep.  I'll be on this forum constantly....and hope to talk to all of you soon.  If (Lord forbid), I feel like I'm in more crisis than I am (is that possible?), than I'll be back on here in a flash....goodnight everyone.....thank you for helping one person get through...Talk to you all tomorrow.....with love and peace, Jim

  

[sunny8008]

Hello, my name is Heather. I have been clean for 35 days today from 10 vic. and norcas a day for 1 and 1/2 years. This can be a scary, lonely and miserable place to be. Telling your wife is a good idea for support reasons and just plan being honest to her and yourself. IM sorry that you feel awful but there is good news... It will not last to much longer. You have 2 days under your belt and that's great. For me I started to feel better on day 4 and 5. Everyone is different. You can do this.. You stay strong and focus. Pray for strength and guidance. The Lord is faithful and kind. Remember he will never give you anymore then what you can bear. The symptoms can be restlessness, muscle pain, bone pain, insomnia, diarrhea, vomiting, cold and/or hot flashes, goose bumps, involuntary leg movements, watery eyes, runny nose, sneezing, loss of appetite, irritability, panic, nausea, chills and sweating. The worse part will be over SOON. Hold on you are doing great and keep posting it will help more then you can imagine, Heather

[ArlingtonAddict]

Days 1 - 3 were VERY bad, Day 4 was NOTEABLY better. You should be about 12 - 14 hours from feeling much better. The acute w/d is almost over. I, too, am a mental health professional with a speciality area in dual diagnosis/addiction. Your noose analogy is exactly the one I would use. I, too, felt like I could help more people, feel more invested, etc., etc. By the end, though, I wasn't getting all that much done -- I was worried abouthow much I had, when I'd get more, if I'd run out, and I wasn't that happy on them anyway (anymore). As someone else wrote, you are faced with great sorrow at the beginning of w/d but then you begin to feel moments of 'good' and 'interested' and 'happy' again. I never thought I'd feel remotely enthusiastic about anything ever again. I have started to again and it's only Day 17. But as these parts of me return I realize how 'FAKE' the feelings generated by the drugs were. YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!!

[1911]

Hi...this is George in California.   You are days ahead of me in w/d.  I'm on day 9.

Can you tell me what to expect in terms of sleep.

1.  I can't get to sleep until 2:00 a.m.
2.  Typically, I sleep 1.5 hours, wake up for 2 hours, then, exhausted, do another 1.5 hours.

When awake, the feeling is that I am exhausted but my body will not shut down and go to sleep.

Thanks
~George~

[emilyanne]

Yes, the pills ARE worse than the w/d when you look at the big picture...good for you for getting off them now, rather than 5 years from now. I won't lie...the high does feel wonderful...but not as wonderful as the natural high that life brings when you are drug free! And that may sound stupid, but it's true...Even though I have only been clean since end of Dec., I have ALREADY experienced the natural highs that day to day life brings you, highs that I couldn't experience on pills, like when my son does something little and cute, like come up to me and say " play cars with mama...say vrooom vroom for Brady (his name)"...silly little things that only a mom would think are cute, lol, but that weren't as cute when I was high on pills! I can actually FEEL now! I can feel happiness! Even though I can feel sadness, which is one reason I started abusing the pills, it makes the feelings of happiness feel even better...make any sense?

[pooka999]

   Yes it does....very much so.  I don't know if you've read down the post about my history.....but I'm a mental health nurse with a secondary in addiction.  Go figure huh?  The high of the pills was great!  I was "supernurse"...able to help everyone....as long as I was on the pills.....now I'm just a man human again...addicted, but willing and wanting to get off these horrible things. Thank you Emily, for just the the smallest gift of compassion.......

[1911]

Just saw you are a nurse.  My son is a charge nurse for an ICU Unit at a metro hospital.  Last year he went through detox and withdrawl following a job related back injury...long story.

His advice to me...knowing I was trying w/d...was to not use any other prescription drugs.  He felt it best to let the body cleanse itself without adding a complication.  His only suggestion was OTC antihistamines to help with sleep.  Doesn't work for me.

He suggested that water will help the body flush itself out and recommended drinking warm water.  I've been following his advice and even come to like drinking warm water.

~George~

[pooka999]

  Thank you for your kindness and compassion.....in 4 years of working this field, I never thought I'd be in this situation.

[1911]

Just saw your previous post.  Don't think you are the only one in the medical profession to get caught up in pain killers.  Somehow, we are suppose to know better...but, we feel pain like others and try to cope with it in a similar fasion.  

You mention you wife is at work.  I strongly urge you to involve her in your w/d.  She can be your greatest assest and her support is vital.  

I am now on Day 9 of w/d.  Days 4-5 had all the symptoms you can imagine.  It was my body saying it was in an "abnormal state" with no drugs.  I also had a lot of trouble getting sleep averaging only about 2-3 hours per nigh.  Now, I am still struggling with my body relearning how to sleep on its own, to stay asleep, and the inveitable fatigue that goes with all this.  The good news is that each day is a little better than the last.

For sure...this isn't fun.  But, I look at it as a permanent lesson on why I never want to go through it again.

Best wishes as you launch your new life, and

Happy Trails,
~George~  

[pooka999]

  Very shakey, very anxious (dispite the fact that I have my panic disorder meds: Klonopin.)  Any drug, and I'm refering to Hydrocodones, that can kick Klonopins ass is not something I want to be on......Wooo....bad feelings.

[1911]

Not "days 4-5"...should read "days through 4-5" meaning from the beginning to somewhere between days 4 and 5.

~George~

[emilyanne]

Yeah, we are family!! It's too bad the world is full of crazy, fuc*@d up people, who use the internet to stalk people, otherwise we could all meet up at some point, give out our numbers and stuff to help each other more, etc. But these days, you'd have to be crazy yourself to meet up with anyone on the internet!!! But anyways...I know what you mean about being super-nurse...I was "supermom", or so I thought, while on pills. I got everything accomplished each day...chores, dinner, kid's stuff like reading with him, playing, art projects, etc., errands, etc! Then when I went off cold turkey, I didn't even fold so much as a pair of pants or wash a dish in over a week!!!! I thought to myself, why in the world would I go off these things when I get so much more done when I am on them? Now that I've been off them for a little bit of time, and have experienced REALITY ( for the first time in a long time), I KNOW why I went off the pills!
Good job taking time off from work! You need to concentrate on YOU, and get through the next 24 hours or so, which will probably be the worst!! Not that you should go back to work in 24 hours...everyone is different and i don't know what will be best for you, only you do, but the next 24 hours will be the last of the hardest part, if you ask me! Stay on here as much as you can, so you don't slip up! If you think you might sliip and take a pill, get on here IMMEDIATELY and we'll do our best to talk you through it.

[emilyanne]

Congrats on day 9, George!!!! Keep it up! Really, nice job! The worst is over! Sleep will come, and like you said, use it as a lesson as to why you will never use again!!!

[pooka999]

   Thank you for your kind words.  this is day two for me.  Hell week I guess.  The W/D's are horrible..now I really know what my patients go through.  Maybe it will make me a better nurse....knowing how easily it is to get addicted.  To me, it was almost like a noose...slowly being drawn tighter....you think you can get out...but then it's too late.  Sorry to get so caught up....but this is one thing I never thought would happen.......

[1911]

When I went through days 1-3 it really surprised me at how hard I was hit with w/d symptoms and lack of sleep.  I hadn't found this forum back then so I thought it was me.

Then I read the experience of others on the forum, and it gave me a great sense of reassurance because I knew this hit everyone pretty much the same.

If I can make one suggestion...take as long off from work as you need.  Don't rush back too soon.  

When it gets rough tonight...keep in mind we are all going through pretty much the same thing at the same time.  Check in...in case somebody is online.  

Welcome to your new life.

~George~

[pooka999]

  Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!
                   I had no choice but to take off of work.  Being a nurse and giving shots and meds all while going through W/D's is too scary for me....concentration and the pain of it all, made me realize that I cared about my patients more than me, which a nurse should do anyway.  Now I need to take care of me....as painful as it is (and God is it painful!)