Pain controll and oxycontin

[skipper]

I am a 50 year old man who did drugs (mostly IV). morphine and diliaudid  were      
my drugs of choice. I went clean for 17 years before trouble in the cervical spine
required 2 surgerys over 2 years.  my spine is now stable but i'm still in constant,
intractable pain for which  i take oxy-contin (40mg X 3a day).

my question :
I kike to periodically detox  myself for several reasions. i try to think of it as vac-
ation from drugs. Am i causing myself harm in doing this? i can't talk to my MD
about this as it would reqire going over transgerssions (to say the least) that
happened 20 years ago.
one tough, old grizzled, hype and pill head
who trys to keep an angel on his shoulder!
kip

[jennyfla]

JB,
Thank you for posting back to me way up on the thread, you're such a sweet person, thinking of me even with all the things going on in your life right now!!!
I love your post about looking at your wife and knowing that your love is so strong!!
The way you are able to look at the positive things and not focus on negative is just so wonderful, i'm gonna try that out!!! :)
I wish your wife all the best with her diagnose and treatment.  I will say a prayer that everything will be ok!!!!!
Just focus on your love for eachother, and everything will be ok!!
You hang in there and know that we are here to offer all the support you need! :)
Oh, and a BIG congratulations on all your days clean... I really respect your strength.  It's so easy to fall when life throw us it's little wrenches in our gears, just wanted to let you know that you rate HIGH (no pun intended) in my book!!!!!  :)
Lv Jenny

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I think that things are going to be just fine here! After all this time together, I think that my wife and I have discovered "true love". It's hard to explain the feeling I get when I look at her. All of the stress and strife and pain has been replaced by a peaceful acceptance of things as they really are. I can't say that we are truly happy but at least we are peaceful and nurturing with one another. There's precious little time for anything else but love!

Bless your heart for always taking the time to express your concern!

J.B.

[Telby]

JB -  You are in my heart and in my prayers.  I think of all the times I come to these boards in agony and see your posts - I always recognize your feelings and leave with a sigh of recognition and acceptance. I am but one of thousands who I am sure you have brought peace and friendship to on cold old sick nights. I pray that all of our sighs are now a shining star which will protect you and keep you during the days to come.  You will know what to do and you will have the strength to do it, your wife is blessed to have you.  Please stay close and let us know, even just a few words so we can stay whereever you need us.  Much love JB and thank you for all of the words that help to make it tolerable. love, Telby

[skipper]

J.B.:
words can't describe my concern for not only your wife, but for
you also. i don't seem to have a lot of inner-strength these
days, but you're welcome to any of it i do have. i'm glad to see
you are staying clean thru all of this. i'm not sure, but i do believe it's been over 30 days for you...

witchy woman:
thankyou for remebering me in your above post. i guess the 2 of
us go back over 6 months ago. i'm pleased you have found some-
thing that seems to work for you staying clean. i've been back
on the oxy almost 2 weeks and i'm already planning another de-
tox. i guess i'm still trying to strike some kind of balence with
all this on/off stuff. i will give IR a hug for you anytime. my
life may be a mess in every other way, but i know i have been
blessed with the best wife possiable!!

so everyone... keep the angel on your shoulder!!
kip

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I want to thank you all for your kind support during these difficult times. Wiz doesn't post here anymore but he emails me. WW, you and he must have a love for Kahil Gibran!

It's zero dark thirty here and we have an appointment at the hospital for more testing. I will go armed with the knowledge that my true friends are with me in spirit.

Don't ask me how I have done it but, I have managed to stay clean when I am most needed here. It's a spark of life I've gotten from somewhere. Maybe it's an inner strength that we cut ourselves off from while we are high?

J.B.

[Wizard]

First hello to everyone I miss you all but have never been far away.
J.B. my Brother, along with Kip, I cannot begin to tell you how distressing it is to hear the news. I felt a need to address you here instead of just privately.My thoughts and prayers of today  will be exclusively Marty's for her well being, and for you to have the strength to carry on with the burden at hand. I know I do not have to tell you that you have a friend in all of us. Whatever we can carry for you, you know we would. I'm finding the words hard to come by to express what's in my heart right now. So, I won't just ramble on. Just "KNOW" my friend, just "KNOW".
Tara and I do in fact have a fond love of Kahlil Gibran's wisdom and share it often when appropriate. With that said I'd like to leave some of that wisdom with you all. I think it reflects how Kip, WW, you and I feel about each other, so here it is:

AND a youth said, Speak to us of Friendship.

And he answered, saying:

Your friend is your needs answered.

He is your field which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving.

And he is your board and your fireside.

For you come to him with your hunger,
and you seek him for peace.

When your friend speaks his mind you
fear not the "nay" in your own mind, nor
do you withhold the "ay."

And when he is silent your heart ceases
not to listen to his heart;

For without words, in friendship, all
thoughts, all desires, all expectations are born
and shared, with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you
grieve not;

For that which you love most in him may
be clearer in his absence, as the mountain
to the climber is clearer from the plain.

And let there be no purpose in friend-
ship save the deepening of the spirit.

For love that seeks aught but the dis-
closure of its own mystery is not love but
a net cast forth: and only the unprofitable
is caught.

And let your best be for your friend.

If he must know the ebb of your tide,
let him know its flood also.

For what is your friend that you should
seek him with hours to kill?

Seek him always with hours to live.

For it is his to fill your need, but not
your emptiness.

And in the sweetness of friendship let
there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.

For in the dew of little things the heart
finds its morning and is refreshed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
-excerpt from The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran

J.B., May God Bless and Keep you and your wife in His Everlasting Light and Love ALWAYS!
Power & Magick 2 U,
Peace & Light 2 U 2,
Much Heart Felt Love,
Wiz