I don't smoke pot but I've heard that it can be worse than smoking tobacco since one tends to inhale deeper and hold it in longer than cigarette smoke
... only if you get into my stash.
Merry Christmas to all my pals here at MedHelp.
Thanks especially to Cindy and Dr. Horvath for incurring the expense (and the headaches)here. I hope our struggles are of value to you in some way.
Will not be spending Christmas eve or day here, so just wanted to say "hang tough everyone"! May God's Greatest Gift touch you this season.
Just in case anybody is checking in....
I wish everybody a Merry Christmas. It's so sad, but right now, the best Christmas present I could get would be a bottle of percocet. Isn't that sad/sick/morbid? Lord help me....
Anyway, I just wanted to let everybody know I love you and believe in you. You aren't alone at all. You are each so special and wonderful. I hope that doesn't sound too corny, because I mean it. I love each of you.
hey belle i love you to
merry christnas too yoo and yours .
i hope you are feeligng well.
life is good, alway nice to see you posting.
yes thomas is quiet the entertainer with all his experence.
and humor, he is a gift to us all.
all his posting for this month is like a christmas gift.
i fing joy in the simple things in life ,like thomas's post
or a good chapter in a book, a funny joke. a good movie.
or just a smile on a child's face.
im so crazy i just love the sunshine in the morning with a cup of coffee.
Hey Mister Thomas, just wanted to let you know that i had a real special day today. Not the fun kind though.
I phoned the psychologist like i said i would and told her about my stopping some of my meds and my intentions to also stop the benzos. Managed to get an appointment this morning. When i got to the clinic, surprise...surprise...was also included at the meeting ... the psychiatrist who had started me on these drugs 7 yrs ago.
Well, you can imagine that all i saw were long faces and all i heard was *Do not stop your meds!*. Seemed like an intervention but to keep on drugs instead of stopping them...geezzzzz!
I explained to them that i was feeling much less depressed the last 6 months and that was why i had decided to stop anti-depressants. (Never was suicidal or anything...just real depressed a while back.) These drugs had helped me back then but i feel much stronger inside today.
Never did get the chance to talk about stopping the benzos. They lectured me on how important it was to stay on ALL my precribed drugs and so on. They also said that they would lose thier patient-doctor confidence if i refused to continue drug therapy. Actually i found this meeting so morose that i broke down and cried right there. (I'm usually real good at hiding my feelings.) Didn't feel as strong when i left that office.
The good thing is that they agreed to my suggestion about seeing a therapist twice a week and i will begin mid-january.
Sooooo....ima gonna go see that therapist. I have no intention of getting back on anti-depressants and i also hope to wean myself off the triple dose benzos without their knowledge. I want to be drug free and find out why i so much like the opiate feeling and what it is that i'm am really trying to *fix* with them. (Gonna start tapering my benzos starting january.)
It seems kinda weird. I've got to *pretend* i'm taking drugs and meanwhile, with the aid of a therapist who thinks i'm medicated, try to find out about my inner self and why i like them in the first place. Weird...really...weird.
Maybe i'm crazy, maybe i'm not, maybe i should be nuts...maybe it would help!
Take care Mister Thomas,
like thomas02 said pot can only lead to death if you try to steal mine
jk just some money would be nice
ya know, Rex1 ole pal, I actually hope you're right about your religious beliefs. Because the God you've depicted so far is a god of love and mercy, and I think we could all do with a little love and mercy from someone with the wherewithall to deliver ...
I hope I didn't repell you by telling you about my Buddhist inclinations. I think -- if man is even capable of apprehending the nature of God -- that different faiths are simply a view of God from different mountain tops. Of course, culture and history are part of it, too. But in essense, I believe that if we're really seeing God, we're all focused on the same God. It simply doesn't make sense that, if the one true creator of the Universe made him/herself known on Earth, it wouldn't absolutely compell everyone's attention the world over. Just different vantage points, that's all. Merry Christmas, my friend!
What pathos? A bottle of percs for god's sake? Damn strait that would be one dynamite Christmas present! That stuff will make the glorius sun rise in the dead of night. MMMMMMMMMM. Don't apologize for wanting some percs! Recovery is great, but let's not get carried away. Merry Christmas, Sothernfriend!
I just read your post mentioning me. You are a sweetheart! Just to know that someone appreciates me enough to post about it convinces me I'm **** something right. You are really too kind, but I'll accept your comments anyway! Who doesn't need some strokes once in a while? Merry Christmas, dear one.
I wouldn't want you to discontinue your drugs right now. Period. Think what withdrawal is going to do to you emotional and intellectual equilibrium. What good is psychotherapy going to do you if you're weired out coming off some drug ... And let's talk about those benzos: wWhat benzo are you talking about? Benzos -- especially Xanax and Ativan -- must be switched to valium, then a gradual tapering program can be undertaken. Xanax and Ativn leave the body fast enough to throw you brain in shock, even petit mal seizures. Take it from me, I had 3 full-blown seizures from abrupt Xanax withdrawal and it's taken me a year to recover. Explore your love or need for opiates first, the, if you still want to, taper off of each drug one at time.
sorry about the terrible typing in the last post. I guess four fioricet work pretty well ...
speaking of naked lunch
i looked it up and right under it at amozon .com
was other books to reakd, jack kerouac-on the road
which i remember is being great.
and hunter thomsons books, speaking of him ,
i have freind who is a ski instructor in denver and he lives
next door to hunter thomson on the side of some mountian
and my freind is and useing buddie who stops over to get drunk with hunter who he says is a real nut , who gets loaded
and shoots his guns at the moon.
merry christmas thomas,
you have me thinking agian, about the god thing
and religion,one of my favorit books on the subject
is aldous huxley's perenial philosphy a book about the beleif
of one god. i also love his doors of perception and heaven and hell.
speaking of phplosphy and religion nietzche was the son of a minister, nietzsche wrote a beautiful book on the passion and death of christ, then went crazy and killed himself writeing
a book on the anti-christ.
well just some thoughts , on to more festev thoughts on this
christmas morn i hope everyone here at the fourm has an enjoyable day, with famly and freinds
i hope everyone get what they want for christmas.
a pain free and restfull day would be a nice gift for all.
as far as gifts my wife has given me the bible on cd by a man named mac mclane a man with a sheakspearian voice truely a joy to listen to.
after being married for 13 years me and my wife have given each other just about everything over the years. so now i just have to give her time and affection.
one of the sad thing s in my lfe during this day is my one sister
is married to a palistianin form jordan and my wife is jewish
this religious difference has put a unhappy wedge between our relation ship. hopefully one day she will look past these
differences. i know i do.
let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
to take each moment and lve each moment in perfect harmony.
love ya all hippy
You mean your sister shuns you because you're not, what? a Moslem? Give me a break. Sounds like her mind's been co-opted by her husband. But ya know, I know and have worked alongside many, many Arab nationals and Arab-Americans, and, guess what? Some of them cried right there in the office on 9/11. I didn't even do that. They were mortified by what had been done in the name of their religion. All the flag burners in the streets of Karachi make the evening news, while all the Arabs that just want to work and raise their families are deemed "just not newsworthy."
It's been said by far more intelligent people than I, but if we perpetrate some sort of pogrom against Arabs and Arab-Americans, we will only be confirming the things Bin Ladin says about our nature and intentions. Kennedy said it best, " ... our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet, we all breath the same air, we all cherish our children's future, and we are all mortal."
And about Huxley. I'm still pissed that the real Soma doesn't live up to the Soma in Brave New World. I'm disgruntled!
my sister and her husband have a problem with my wife
being half jewish, my sons mother was also jewish.
what can i say they act like the problems in israel
are my wifes fault.knowing a little about history
i realize that the arabs are getting the short end of the stick
in the west bank , and that they had there land taken from them back in the 1950's. but i consider myself and famly american.
im sure as you have read ,one of my biggest beleifs is setting aside our differences and coming together as equals for all
besides being a bi-polar nut /active alcoholic/and a rightwing
religious christian nut, my sister beleives america deserved
what we got on 911. so to say the least she is impossible.
her husband is PLO and hates anything that has to do with
israel or jewish people.
to me hate, raceism, and bigotry are acids that destroy
the jar that holds them.
i will continue to be kind and considerate as long as my brotherin law does not touch or hurt my wife or kids.
if that was to happen i would be compled to do a jimmy hoffa
on him, without any remorse at all. my sister knows me and realizes that is not a threat, just reality.
joy to the world ha ha ha. hippy
Wow! Such hatred! Now I understand. Of course, I don't think any of us can truly understand until our own country to taken away from us by force. I don't have any hope that the Israeli/Arab conflict will be resolved in our lifetimes. Would it were otherwise.
Of course, you know jack kerouac is famous for writing On The Road in two weeks, on methamphetamine the whole time, and using a teletype role so he wouldn't have to stop writing to feed in sheets of paper. He took the teletype role to New York to try to sell it. The first reviewer said, "This isn't writing. It's typing." But he got it published anyway, the one that made him famous, too.
Also, did you know that once Hunter Thomson signed a copy of his book for a fan by putting a .45 slug through it. Innovative. Cool in a Hunteresque way ...
Allow me some literary correction. The first reviewer(s) was Kerouac's Friends, his 'agent', Burroughs, Ginsberg and Neal Cassidy. They dug it. The publishing world debated for 7
well christams has come and gone.
well the reason i mentioned on the road was
i stumbled across it looking up the book naked lunch
which thomas had mentioned, reading being my biggest
substute addiction that take the place of drugs.
i love kerouac, i have selected letters by kerouac.
i ma a big letter writer to many of my addict freinds in
jails all around the country.i find letters give a chance to see
inside the person.
mentioning buddism i find very interesting, tho i am not a buddist , i have read a lot about it because of the spiritual
principles they offer. as we stay clean it is important to
take the time to study spiritualty , which is the core of most recovery programs one really great book is TYING ROCKS TO CLOUDS.
and also another really really gtreat one is AWARENESS BY ANTHONY DEMELLO.
i love fiction but i try to make sure i read things that can help me in my recoverey like THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED, AND
IRON JHON. AND ANY BOOKS BY CAMBELL.
A MINIMILIST JOKE----------- -------3 IRISH GUYS LEAVE THE BAR.
Love the joke. I have friends in from Ireland for the holidays -great timing.
Pleased to hear there remain some Kerouac fans.
I am most interested in the letter writing to inmates. I was also quite interested in your earlier post about how things have turned out for you. You are in the cat bird's seat.
I too do a lot of public speaking and really enjoy it. But, is there a way I could learn more about writing inmates? I simply love to write and occasionally a sagacious thought lands in my meager brain. I worked for 10 years in the court system as as Court appointed volunteer for abandoned and neglected children. I was assigned was an 8 year old child when I got him. Warning people, don't read on if you have a weak stomach.
He was found on Christmas eve with cigarette burns all over his body, naked, no indoor plumbing. Mother was a hooker - we found dad about 8 years afterwards in Mexico. Anyway, the lad didn't speak to me for 2 years - and this was after visiting him twice a week. His first words were, 'you are really going to take me home for christmas??' and he threw his arms around me. He was there when my daughter was born and became part of the family. I stayed with him until he was emancipated at age 18 (10 years!) at which time he promptly went to jail for drugs, but I kept correspondence with him. He is now in the marines and has been for several years and has a family. I became the poster boy for recruiting volunteers and did a lot of public speaking. Terrified at first, after a couple of times doing it, I became very pumped ( another high ).
Anyway, I would like to write inmates is what this is all about and not for any buzz, but because I like to write and I believe in HOPE. Perhaps my words could do some good. If you can hook me up with a program I would be appreciative. We can do this off the board if you wish. If not, no problem. It was a pleasant reminder, your post. I have done few good things in my life, that was one.
hey jack , you remind me of me
an altruistic soul, the people i write to are people
i have come to know over the past 25 years during my
time in NA, some are very close freinds.
to trll ya the truth a lot of them have been safer in jail and probley would have died on the sreets.
i know of a place on the net where you may be able to find adress for in mates.
or others simalar if you search.
NA also runs H AND I meetings at prisons and instutions.
i know in los angeles you could get in touch with
the brothers of charity, a group started by the late
mother treasa, also the the group called the carholic worker
regarding the beat genaration, i love jack and ont he road
amongst other works,
my neice was sent to ireland to the ohiggins famly farm
in mayo, she is 18 and is refered to as the yank there.
my sister was beating her up, so my 77 year old father intervened, because my sister is a active alcholic
with and 160 iq and 6 kids and a plo husband.
my dad is sober in a for 37 years and has a couple half way houses and started a organasion called UHELP UNIONS HELPING
POROLEES.BESIDES THE 3 PRAYER MEETING AT HIS HOUSE AND THE
6 MEMBERS OF AA WHO LIVE AT HIS HOUSE.
MY DAD WAS A MONK BACK IN THE 50'S UNDER THE TITALEDGE OF THOMAS MERTON IN GETSEMENE IN KENTUCKY.
SOME DAYS I WISH HE NEVER LEFT THE MONESTERY.
HIS NICK NAME IN AA IS THE MAD MONK.
ANYWAY TO MAKE A LONG STORY LONGER
I'LL END FOR NOW
Sorry to crash in with a serious controversy as a new member, when everyone else seems to be in such cosy agreement that cannabis isn't harmful.
Unfortunately, the opposite is true. Inhaling cannabis smoke is several times more likely to cause lung cancer as having a cigarette with tobacco alone - which as we all know is bad enough already. There's also another problem.
For some people, perhaps like yourselves, cannabis can be a take-it-or-leave-it occasional social experience. For others, like many of my friends (and myself for six years until I stopped - hopefully for good - 3 weeks ago) cannabis can be a 24/7 shroud which slows you down, de-motivates you, prevents you from fully engaging with the world, and possibly protects you from dealing with difficult aspects of real life or your own personality.
For my first 2 weeks without a "spliff" I felt like I was constantly agitated, as if on speed, and could not get a proper night's sleep. However, I kept at it because I started noticing interesting things which I felt I had not seen for some while and my energy levels increased.
Some people regard cannabis as a "gateway" drug to other, more harmful stuff like heroin & crack. My experience was different -I started smoking pot to help the comedown from the various uppers I was taking: speed, cocaine & E / MDMA.
Anyway, may I recommend a great book? 'A Scanner Darkly' by Philip K. **** (Author of 'Bladerunner'). It's a science fiction novel, though with characters based on people in his own life, about an undercover narcotics cop in the future who becomes addicted to the drugs that he's employed to combat.
Happy New Year,