I need help quitting Heroine!!

[CatieD89]

I have been doing heroine for the past 6 months and im trying to quit... i need help. Any one have any advice to help me get and stay clean? Please Help!
Cate

[Koyoda]

Listen Son , put on your Ears so you can HEAR! This thing called HERION is KING ! You step in the RING and you've been Slaped on the side of your HEAD! Your ALIVE! if YOU had been Beaten with a OLD WASH RAG , you've been DEAD! You Lucky SON , the only way , for YOU to STOP and start Liveing LIFE, enjoying Freedom, AIR, WATER, EARTH , SUN all the Messagers at your GATE, waiting on YOU, where YOU were befor you allowed SELF / EGO and YOU met , GO back to that Space in your WORLD. now listen ! Your not Hooked To the King HERION , you've been on a joy Ride, SON , take it E Z WHEN YOU Have SEVEN YEARS under your belt   your a JUNKIE, only way out is DEATH theirs NO going back in TIME,listen !  your safe way and only way for your Benefit is to surround yourself in" BEAUTY" in Mind and Thought and Prayer , be mentally and physically prepared , have support for a good TWO YEARS of Recovery, REMENBER ! you picked a Fight with DEATH , your EGO Will kill YOU,, YOUR Going to COLD TURKEY , If your ever going to Conquor EGO , that's our only Enemy in LIFE,,we put our selfs in dire situation hanging out with Wrong THOUGHTS , leads us to strangers and dangers , get it? nOw SON! This COLD TURKEY is going to be  bad, Bad BAD,, but that's the only way , EASY does it, with meta don , sibnox , etc. is a crach , you can play games with your HEAD and stay insane or YOU can end the viscous cycle / pain/ no gain but if you want out" COLD TURKEY" SON , it's not Easy to give it up, you have got to be prepared for the worst and HOPE for the Best, no gaieties your going to make it, mind , body , and Spitite and if you do SON , don't go back, when you cold turkey , your going **** from every pore of your Body, your going to shiver and scream and cry and twist and turn screng and starch , throw up and and want mercy on your body , because it's worst than WORDS,, it's DEATH with LIFE as a REWARD , something We are all gIveing , when we're first born , REMENBER? Now if you make it SON , don't double cross yourself , that's gotta be Worst, somewhere I don't want to everKNOW, now SON I hope YOU have a FAMILY that CARES and Willing to HELP with your recovery , and if you don't , than prepare yourself GOod, It takes a Full TWO years of recovry even if YOU have lease than SEVEN years , take it serious , your LIFE is on the line..you've got a habit , your not a JUNKIE , you just tagged up with the wrong BEAST,, King HERION usually take 99% , if your still alive after benning a "hope to die junkie" as I and 1% our who are ALIVE , I hope to meet you, one day, I live in the wilderness of the North, had too, I'm doing LIFE and I enjoy Life, I hope you do too,and overcome your HABIT,  I hope you have the courage to overcome this major setback,,your on the Red Road of recovery, Blessing..

[PickyNiki]

I too am on heroin for 2 months steady. I relapsed after 7 years of being clean. I am 25 years old now.

You have taken the hard road and have done really good staying clean. That slip up you did with the tiny bit of dope on the bag and cotton, was a relaps. Its hard .... really hard to quit. I tapered down 6 years ago to where i was only doing .1 gram a day then eventually weened myself off with percoset then eventually quit that.

>>>>>>fast foward to today>>>>>>>

I am so ashamed now...I have been steady on dope for 2 months. I stopped hanging out with my drinking friends, only to find out the other half of my friends are all on heroin. It was all around me. I was so disgusted at first, sad for them, proud that I defeated it before and was clean. Then one day I just wanted so badly to get high again. I kept having "heroin fantasies." Remembering the high i felt years before. Ignoring the 'junky' things i used to do like hustle for $$ just go get that next hit. I hate feeling defeated. I dont want to need it and dont want to want it. but i do, need and want it. You are inspiring. All the stress around you, including idiot doctors that disregard the strength you have put forth and just judge and cause you stress. It is so hard for someone understand OPIATE addiction unless they have been through it. Try to educate your family so they can help you better. Look up on the internet and make them read it:

Last night i found two sites that really helpped me explain it to my family. Only three people know about my addiction (my sister found my spikes about 1 week ago and all hell broke loose). anyways My mom, my sister and my ex husband know. I've made them swear not to tell anyone. well i invited them over for hot chocolate last night and read to them and educated them about addiction. Last night we all four came up with a plan for me to detox this weekend. This friday my mom is going to spend the night and make sure i don't leave do go get dope. She is going to help me destroy my kit (spoon, spikes, cottons ( i save them to reboil if i ever need to), and of course dope). We're going shopping tomorrow to get some of the items that were on the website to help quit. I have valiums and a couple of ambiens to help me sleep and get through the anxiety. We're going to buy imodium AD to help with the diarhea, L-Tyrosine (can be found at healthfood stores), a full fledged mineral sublement with zinc and potassium, etc and Vitamin B6. It said to take many hot baths. I also have 10 tabs of suboxone I got from a friend. She is going to make sure that after 24 hours it goes under my tongue before she leaves for work. I am terrified. I've never used suboxone. I am currently using about .4 to .6 grams of dope a day. By tomorrow I will try to get it to .2 and hopefully .1 per day. And yes, I slam it. I am so upset with my self for relapsing so badly. Apart of me wants to lie and quit for a couple days and go right back to it. But another bigger part of me wants to end it once and for all. Worst of all, my boyfriend is addicted too...he runs it for a circle of friends and buys about 3-12 grams of dope a day to supply the circle around it. I buy 3 grams sell 2 and get my 1 gram for free! it is such a vicious cycle. Its easy to get here. I hate that too. Anyways I hope on friday when my mom spends the night that all goes well and the suboxone works and doesnt make me more sick. I plan to take my last hit friday morning, go to sleep early and sleep through withdrawls, wake up and take suboxone.

Here are the two sites:

http://www.opiates.com/opiate-addiction.html
(Educational site about addiction, opiates, etc)

http://www.howtoquitheroin.com/
(how to quit heroin cold turkey)

[smm773]

go to your mom, tell her, and give up this fight....you have to stop being stubborn! DO IT trust me... you need your mother to help trust me she wants to even know it may not seem like that...

[natalile]

Hi hun. i've been looking for you my m8t joanne on here told my about you. God your me love i was 17 when i started i'm 30 now with two kids. & i have trye'd to get clean so meny time's now. i've done it twice where i wasn't dependent on enything when i was pregnant ( i was on meth with my second child but like my first he was ok ) thank god!. enyway bk to you. you've not been a user that long so don't ever think that's it coz you have a very good chance ov making it. god coming on here is a start. don't beat yourself up when you relapse say's me who wolud of been claen two weeks yesterday but then f**ked up & scored i'm proper devod & feel like useing again coz i feel that bad but i'm gonna stay srong. instead of thinking well that's it i'm bk to day 1. i'm gonna think well i'v messed up butit's the first time i've used in 2 week's which is better. or mabey a cop out on my part but whateva get's you thrugh it hun.in all the year's i've been on the gear it's like i've had a self destruct button it's not really till you hit hell that you want to come out. unless like you , you no what is gonna happen if you stay on it. my best advise to you is just keep it in your head that you do want to get clean not meny do when they first start. & take every day as it come's there's always detox & rehab. i don't have a problem with them i went into detox the second time i was pregnant but that's the only reason. my reson's for not going to rehab is coz when you come home nothing has changed you have alot but people you see ect will still be useing so it is true you do have to say by to your i dont call them freinds to me there user associate's. you might have a few close m8ts that are users that you will not want to say by to & that's fine coz if they are real m8ts they will help you. & not put it in your face even though they use. you will no who is who coz a true freind will help a user m8t will try to keep you hooked they don't like thinking there going to be left behind & seeing you do well. Have you started to look ill yet?. that's a biggy for me i no it might sound vain but i hate looking like a bag head so i can tell hoe well i'm doing in recovery by what i see in the mirror every day. subetex are ment to be really good i'm on a methadone programm. which is worse than the gear but i'd die without it. i could'nt go to work or just do think's with my kid's. it's all trile & error you need to find the righ form of recovery for you what work's for 1 ov use won't work for us all as you can see by all the post's.This place is ace aswell so keep posting it has helped me so much by the sound's ov it everyone get's help from this place it's like people will tell you traight & sometime's you don't want to hear it but it hit's home. i feel bad & that i'v let people down alredy coz of relpase & o've only been posting for a week. by the way this is addictive aswell in a very good way everyone has a story but most inportant everyone doe's care we wouldn't be hear if we didn't just keep up the hard work. youmay ov had a bad relpse but it won't go on 4 eva you can been strong enough you've already proved that bit plz keep posting god i've gone on ant i soz ha ha keep in touch nat :)

[wait2long]

if you cant commit to the suboxone...then you must try another route...inpatient detox  and rehab is your only other option...my thoughts only...heroin will kill you..suboxone wont and rehab wont...they will only save you...but you have to be committed 100% either way, you have to WANT this, or i am sorry to say hun nothing will work.  i did heroin for a bit over a year in my early 20's...(and for some reason i found pills instead), which i am somewhat greatful for or i would still be doing heroin or dead, i know stupid way to look at it!!...but you need to commit to this and you need help, you CANNOT do this alone, you have already proven this to yourself...think of how bright your future could be and will be when you have this all behind you...think of the possibilities, you have to be open to all kinds of options....heroin and addiction offers you NOTHING but sheer hell, misery and will eventually all will be lost to it, maybe even your life...how will your family feel then?  if your father never gave you your keys back...would you still be free from the grips of heroin and still taking the suboxone?  answer this for yourself, and honestly....think about it.   i wish you luck hun and hope we hear from you again and SOON....

[LIZZIE LOU]

the road is paved with good intentions...but good intentions do not make one sober.   you need to do WHATEVER it takes to get there.   if that means doing it another way...and not "your" way...then do it.   at this point, you have nothing to loose...and everything to gain.  well, i take that back...you have alot to loose...your family, your health, your future, and your life.

now...it is up to you.   do you continue to kill yourself or do you commit and do what it takes?

[shomneg]

Catie, at one of my first AA meetings, there was a woman there who shared something very powerful. That the first thing she does every day is pray that she wont be tempted to take heroin today, this after being clean for 20 years. The thing was also that she was only visiting our town from the other coast and was making a u-turn and saw the AA meeting sign at the church so she went to the meeting that way!

All i can suggest is do go to a meeting once a week as well as the other advice you have been given here.
Peace,
John

[Marce4]

Hi Catie....My heart is breaking for you!  I have a 16yr old son who I have caught drinking and I know he smokes pot! I talk and talk til I'm blue in the face about drugs esp heroin!  It is a deadend honey!  I, myself am addicted to opiates, hydrocodone mainly....that was incredibly difficult for me to stop but I know that I will ruin my life!  I know that herion is probably even more difficult to stop but you have to try!My son know of my addiction and I hope that would open his eyes (he saw me at the worst of my detox!) but I know you guys think you are invincible! You have so much to look forward to in your life....you are just starting out.  I don't know your family but if it was me, I would prefer honesty and would  want to know that you are struggling.  Your parents really want to see you survive and succeed in life! It's called unconditional love!  My favorite saying is "Life is not a dress rehearsal!" Choices you make now will be with you always....and with your family. You deserve so much more than a life of addiction and hell. Talk to your family...be honest and seek help for this PLEASE!  My prayers are with you and I hope you will come here for support. That is what you will get from everyone here.  YOU ARE WORTH THE FIGHT!
Marcie

[IBKleen]

Hi Hun!

What is it that you want to do?

You need to go into an inpatient rehab and get help. Several people have told you that. I don't want to keep preaching to you, but It is frustrating to see someone so young throw their lives away. I wish I would have listened at your age, it would have saved me a lot of pain. I wasted so many years chasing that next fix and I was lucky to have survived. You may not be so lucky.

I really don't think you want to die, or else you would not be here. I believe that you want help. So...you have to listen. The people here who are giving you advise have been in your shoes. Who better to listen to than soemone who has been there, right?

Is ther any way to get into a rehab? A lot of the centers have indigent programs where they will pay for your treatment. Unfortunately, YOU have to do the work. YOU have to make the phone calls. YOU have to reach out.

We will be here to support you.

[CatieD89]

I relapsed.. im really having trouble getting back on track.. i dont know what to do im thinkin about just giving up. its so hard. ive been getting high for like 11 days.. im so disappointed in myself.. everyone thinks im doing good .. but im not.. could really use some help.

[CatieD89]

Thanks again everyone for all the advice. I really appreciate that you all care so much. I just talked to a doctor and i am meeting with him tommarrow. He is a suboxone doctor and im going to get on the program and start tomarrow. I get drug tested and have to be involved with counsling as well. I am serious about recovery and getting and staying clean. I just want to do it myself and for myself my way. Not for my family and friends and not their way. My dad is the only one who seems to understand that. I know my sisters are trying to help. But they sure show it in a funny way. Rehab is not for me. I can't just drop everything and go. It's not me and i won't do it. But that sure as hell does not mean that im not serious about recovery. I stopped talking completley to all of my "friends" my dope friends at least, im taking control of my life whether anyone believes me or not i am. My dad is the only one who has faith in me. I finally got my car back today. I could have drove right to the city and bought dope but i didn't. My sisters and my mom just want me to be stranded in my house with no phone and no car. they tried so hard to talk my dad into not giving me my car back. It didnt work. My dad seems like hes the only one on my side. thank god for him. I woke up took my suboxone showered, got ready and went and applied for a new job. Now  in a half hour i have to go to work. I could just say screw it and go to the city and get high. that would do nothing for me except make me sick since i took the sub. and dissapoint everyone around me, including myself. I need the love and support of my family but i don't need them pushing me to do things i don't want to do. It makes me want to push them away from me which is whats happening. All my sisters know is whats on the internet.they don't know what it feels like they don't know how it is to have to fight cravings. and thats what it is. fighting cravings. i CAN do it. everyone says how hard it is to fight this. I really have to say it's not that hard this time. ive been through all this so many times, getting clean, slipping up and getting right back where i started. but this time is different i can feel it. Yea i still think about it and still wanna do it on occasion when im stressed. I think about putting a needle in my arm but i don't do it. I really feel like this is it. I'm talking to doctors and counselers and everyone and i feel like it's only gonna get better. Not worse. My sister keeps telling me your not gonna be able to fight the cravings, and the drug overtakes you. Well that may be true but im not gonna let it happen. I don't need the drug anymore i don't need all the stress im done with all that. I just won't to put this **** in the past and move on. Like everyone tells me i am 17 i have my whole life ahead of me. i wanna do good things. help others. I was actually thinking about being a drug counsler.haha how ironic. who knows.. all i can say is WISH ME LUCK. and keep in touch. ill keep posting and i hope you all will as well!

[LIZZIE LOU]

hello sweetie...i am so glad that you are here.

when my son was 17...just like you...he was addicted to crack.   just like your mom...i was the enemy.  why?  because i was determined that this child was going to make it...come hell or high water.  he hated me because i was "on to him"...he hated me because i didn't trust him...he hated me because i made it difficult for him to score...he hated me because i was relentless.   there were so many reasons...BUT...the thing that made him the maddest is that "i" would not accept responsibility for his addiction.  ya see...admitting "he" was responsible, meant facing his demons...and he didn't want to do that...he did not want to admit that "he" was powerless over this drug.

months passed and many things happened.   he was spiraling fast and i felt hopeless...not knowing what to do any more.  he still hated me...and i have to admit that i hated "davis the addict" too.  i hated what the drug was doing to him...i hated that he had no control...i hated that this drug stole my son.  i no longer knew who he was.

one day...davis came in and said that he wanted help.  he admitted that he was powerless and had no control.  it was on this day that my fog was lifted.  it was on this day that i knew that even though i hated davis the addict...that i just might get my son back.  

catie...davis gave up 13 months of his life...as he knew it.  he left his friends...his girlfriend...and the safety net of his family.  he knew that if he was going to be successful, that he had to put sobriety and recovery first.   are you willing to do that sweetie?   how bad do you want this?  do you want to stop "more" than you want to use?  if you want to turn things around...sobriety and recovery has got to be number one...no excuses...no blaming others...just pure honesty.

you can do this catie...but you have to committ to it...and committment means taking responsibilty and putting recovery first in your life.

huggs,
kim

[PromisedLand]

Please listen to IB and TZT and everyone else speaking to you hear..IBkleen says it perfectly..I have an 18 year old daughter, who while not using heroin, had a drug problem, and you know what..she sounded exactly like you.  We were wrong, the doctors were wrong, everybody was wrong.  You're 17 years old with a lot of wonderful life ahead of you..please listen, read and hear what people are saying to you.  They are not wrong.  you will discover that one day...don't make that one day be too late.


Jim

[IBKleen]

My goodness!

I hear you talking..and you sound like me (many moons ago). You are blaming everyone but yourself. You think the doctors are wrong..you think your mom is wrong..you think your sister is wrong.

Honey..trust and respect is something that is earned. What have you done to earn that? You seem to think that if you go a few days without using, that everything will change. It doesn't work like that. Life doesn't work like that.

You have done a lot of damage. Please understand that it is going to take time to heal..for you and your family.

Please lady..listen to everyone here. I wish I would have listened at your age.

Hope you keep posting.

[tzt2lady]

Sweetie, it is a miracle you are alive.  You must have a special purpose in this life, perhaps to get clean and help others who are addicted.   Please dont take this the wrong way but when I was a teenager I was on heroin also.  I overdosed two or three times, woke up "wet" from being thrown in a cold shower, or in a hospital, or got shot up with coke to counteract the heroin or whatever.   Point is, each time I swore to never use again.  Each time I hung out with old using buddies, knowing I would never use again because it just wasnt "sane" after what I went through.    I ended up using everytime, eventually.   Addiction follows no logic, common sense, nor any form of sanity.

To stay clean you must stay away from anyone who uses.  I know, I know at your age friends are everything but trust me, there is a whole bunch of people your age who are in recovery and would be great friends for you.  

I wish you the best and hope that you go to inpatient or maybe to a short term detox and then have consistent follow up care.   Your experiences could save so many lives if you choose to use them to help others after you get a firm grip on life without drugs.

Best to you
tzt

[CATUF]

I hope you change your mind about rehab.  I was VERY much against it, but it turned out to be necessary to save my life.

I find your story a bit scary.  You almost died a few days ago, but the stress of a fight with your parents causes you to stick a needle in your arm again.  Reminds me of the things I used to do, which didn't phase me much at the time.

Rehab is not bad.  Mine feels like a 2nd home to me now - there are people there (staff) who I love and miss, who love and miss me.  I call two of them frequently and I've been back at least twice in each of the two years since I've been gone.  

Listen to your sisters, Catie.  They may not be saying it in a way that you can hear it at the moment, but they are trying to save your life.  You're in over your head Catie and you can't swim on your own forever -- let people who love you pull you to safety.


CATUF

[FLaddict]

Don't take the Suboxone right away you will get sick..for sure.. If you are gonna take it wait 12 hours .The Sub you had been taking would have blocked the shot you did.

I am gonna send you a email later today. So keep fighting.

[CatieD89]

Thank you all so much for your comments and suggestions.. I haven't posted on here too much lately because i've been kinda busy. I went to the doctors today which was not help at all.. All they did was yell at me and tell me i don't love myself thats why i did heroine.. what a crock of **** that is. They threatened to and i quote "kick me out of the practice" if i don't go to counseling. what a doctor huh?  I haven't done dope at all. Today i woke up and felt good so i didn't take my suboxone. My parents still won't give me my car back even to just drive to work they are dropping me off today. My mom is such a ***** i can't take it anymore we have huge blow out arguments everyday. I go back to work today at 3 so im gonna look at it as a vacation from my mom.. My dad on the other hand is great. He is really one of the only people i feel is actually helping me.. My sisters are just begging me to go to rehab and i keep telling them no. its very frustrating. Im getting counsling i start soon. My sister yesterday came over to get her hair cut and while my mom was doing that i decided i was gonna take a walk with my 3 neices to the playground.. (ages 3 and twin 5 year old girls.) i told sharon (my sis) i was taking them. she looked at me and said with all seriousness, "your sure your not meeting anyone there right" insinuating i was getting drugs. Now i have NEVER! never have never would do or say anything about drugs in front of my neices.. ive never even smoked a cigerette in front of them. it hurt for her to say that to me. I did slip up today a lil .. I still have the needle, cap , cotton and two empty bags from when i overdosed. After i shot the two bags i put all the stuff in an envelope and hid it up in my computer room closet bc i know no one will go in there. well today i took the stuff out. there was a little dope left in one bag.. literally TINY bit of dope and i cleaned out the cotton and shot it. i barely felt anything but i just am really disappointed. I was so stressed because my parents and i just had a HUGE fight when i got back form the doctors. won't be doing that again.. Maybe i should take my suboxone but im scared ill get sick now. i am really glad i joined this forum you guys are great it feels really good to have somewhere to "escape" please reply back and keep in touch i really feel like i need you guys help. I really appreciate everything and love to hear your stories so please feel free message me or write back on here. thanks Love Catie xoxo

[IBKleen]

Oh My!

I just got up...I would have responded right away.

You are so young..and yet a year older than I was when I started using heroin. It IS my drug of choice, yet I am 18 years clean from it.

I don't know how else to explain this..

Please post again. Talk here if you can't talk to anyone else.

[FLaddict]

Hey there.. sorry I didn't post sooner I fell asleep for a min..  I used heroin for years when i was younger.. I have been off for 8 years now 4 days ago.. And wow.. I feel like you just told my story.. Girl I have been in your shoes for sure.. You can stay off of it.. Its really hard but its worth it. Can you get into a outpatient detox through a doc to get Suboxone??  I saw you said you got it from a friend but I think a formal set up would be better. I tried to quit doing it on my own literally hundreds of times... it can't be done.. you need help and support to get clean and stay clean.  Its so possible you just have to make a choice to do whatever it takes.. that means everything someone who has done this before tells you to do. Trust me.. you won't survive this addiction, heroin will kill you if you continue like you have.
you can have a life beyond your wildest dreams.. drugs will not get you there. I now can't believe I was that person.. who lived in my car at 18, stole from my family, didn't shower or take care of myself, didn't eat,begged for money at gas stations to get gas to go into Philly and get a fix,  I grew up after that.. i went to rehab, detoxed, and never looked back, I had a great support system and i did everything I was told to do.. Now 8 years later  I have a wonderful husband who has never done a drug, I am someone respected in my carrerr field, i have great amazing girlfriends, i am financially stable.. Back then I never thought any of that could happen.. all i ever thought about was my next shot.. Girly it can get so much better than that... that this.. what you have been living..
If you need someone to talk to please send me a email.. my address is in my profile..

XOXO
Stephanie

[beachtowel]

Hi Catie,

Nice to read your post I used Heroin for many years and one thing I have tried to explain here is that Heroin addicts have to addictions the dope high and the rush from the needle.........
They both are very addictive..........
It took me years to get away from Heroin but I think it was buying it from frigging crazy places and crazy people why I finally quit.......
I too over dosed using Heroin I woke up in a hospital, I too thought I was just sleeping I didn't know that I fell out had a seizure and went into a coma for three days.......
Many years later I started buying viles of Dilaudid and fentanyl from Costa Rica and basicly got right back into it until I Over dosed again......and again woke up in the hospital.......

With a series addiction like Heroin you need professional help to get off......I don't know how long you used Heroin but it really changes you and the recovery from a heroin user is lower than any other drug addiction........Inpatient behavior and drug rehab with some really good addiction counselors was the only way I broke loose................
You have chosen the champion of all addictions and you will need help to get free..........
You family sounds like there willing to help......the bad thing is you will have to leave for a while probably six months but it goes fast........
Message me if you ever want to talk.......

[victoria1667]

Oh honey, you are so young. Don't leave this forum, someone with experience  will be here soon. Hang around a bit

[CatieD89]

Two days ago i almost got arrested in the city trying to buy dope with a few friends and had to have my dad pick me up. When he came and got me from the city he flipped out on me and i had two bags on me.. Bags i had never seen nor done before.. Everything my dad said to me was horrible.. he was calling me every name in the book and told me he didn't even consider me his daughter anymore.. when we got home my brother and dad were sitting at the kitchen table downstairs in the kitchen and i was so upset i decided to go upstairs in my dads bathroom and do the two bags i had just gotten. i went in the bathroom and shot the two bags and when i did them i looked into the mirror and saw my pupils, instead of getting tiny they did the opposite.They got huge! i couldn't even see the blue in my eyes anymore. I told myself something bad was going to happen. A minute later i looked in the mirror after i felt my rush.I got the most intense rush and got the "pins and needles" feeling all throughout my face and body so i thought i was ok. I went into the next room and sat down in my computer chair. The next thing i remember is me laying on my back with strange people all around me asking me all sorts of questions like what is your name? where do you live?...etc. When i sat down in my computer chair i must have passed out and fell out of my chair. I hit my head and cut my forehead open. My dad and brother downstairs heard me fall and ran upstairs.. my dad knowing how upset i was thought i committed suicide or something... When they got into the room with me i was lying face down on the floor. My dad rolled me over and tried to wake me up.. My face was white and my lips were blue. He smacked me and tried to wake me up.. I wasn't breathing and i had to pulse. My brother ran and called 911 and i can remember hearing him on the phone saying please hurry please hurry! I literally died in my fathers arms. My dad started breathing into my mouth in hopes of getting me to breath for myself. Within minutes of calling 911 the paramedics rushed in and thanks to my dad they got me breathing and found a pulse finally. I became consious and i thought i was just sleeping i had no idea what had just occured. My heart rate was 170 when the paramedics got to my house.I went to the emergency room where they hooked me up to all sorts of monitors and things.i got to go home after about 5 hours of being there. After overdosing i decided i wanted to become clean. The next day is when the withdrawl started. I got ahold of some suboxone from a friend of mine who used to take them. so that obviously helped me ALOT. i am 3 days clean now but i could really use some advice on how to stay clean. I don't want rehab and don't like NA meetings. I've been through group meeting and i don't like them and feel as if they don't help me. I have really bad cravings for dope. I think about it alot and invision putting a needle in my arm just to get the rush. I need help on how to get my mind off dope. My entire family is here for me to help me and i think i am getting my car back soon..(Dad took the battery out of it so i couldn't use it to go to the city and get dope). Today was the first day i actually left my house. I went and hung out with my friend Scott. Who does dope also. I don't just consider him a "dope friend" he is an actual friend. I was there today and it was really hard. He was there for me and talked to me about staying clean and told me he wouldn't do dope around me.. Although while i was there he went into the other room and got high.. I knew it and he knew i knew. But i didnt give in. I didn't do dope although it was the hardest thing ever. I really want it but after i overdosed i am scared to death of dope. I can't even think about doing it i get really scared. I literally died and all i can think about is what if my brother and dad weren't downstairs and didnt hear me fall. i would be dead right now. Is that really worth the high of dope?i feel this way now but i just hope in a week i still feel the same. Fear settles and i hope in a week or two i don't think well what are the chances of that happening again? and slip up and do dope. I am currently taking suboxone so even if i did slip up i wouldn't be able to get high and would get sick. but all i would have to do is not take my suboxone for a day and i would be ok to get high.. I would really appreciate some advice or any comments or anything. I feel like im gonna lose it and im really scared.Please help me.

[GA Guy]

You need inpatient detox and counseling. I think FLaddict kicked that beast once, maybe she'll chime in.