The

[cruelworld]

hello im cruelworld, i am locked in the hepatitis war. i post on that forum but i am here for another reason. a little background, i am six months into a multi year standard hep c chemo battle and the meds aren't working very well. It could be a lot worse, i'm not complaining. once the 24/7 chemo takes your life away though, just about all you can do is sit around at the computer meeting people going through the same thing. Ya'll certainly know the experience.  i'm surviving it well, all things considered. i've been lurking on ya'lls forum for a few months. comparing our fates, i find that they are eerily equal yet fundmentally opposite. it is also interesting to see all the
topical differences of the different forums, it gives me huge strength to see the feelings of hurt and struggle from a different perspective. if you are not familiar with the hep c universe, visit it, it will open your eyes. i am using writing as another serious defense mechanism in my war and it has helped me immensly to cope.
i wrote this little prayer "The Warrior Gods" with a special group of hepatitis
fighters in mind. those that fight the good and honest war and still lose. From one long chemo prison sentence to the next and the next. For about half of us, this turns into a lifelong struggle.
once again very familiar turf for ya'll, the addiction crowd. This prayer describes your fate as well as ours, as well as many others. Parts of my prayer are dark and maybe some will find it inappropriate. Be judicious though when you throw tomatoes at me, i'm so disoriented from the chemo that i'll probably mistake them for flowers! (Yikes!)
too all, a good day, i hope this brightens it some.

[cruelworld]

                  The Warrior Gods



The grisled warlords of treacherous ramparts.
The invincible yet ephemeral human warriors.
Desperately paying their dues for freedom
yet the cold prison bars won't yield.
Trapped in a place devoid of light.
A color of disaster is in their every imagined vista.
An inkling of emptyness in their every thought.
The bravery of these humans can only be glorified as a
SUPERNATURAL POWER.

We shrink in fear when we imagine their condition,
as they are lost in a sea of nothingness.
Interminable and destructive pain saturates their soul.
So many crushing failures in the unending war for freedom.
It is of no matter that the war is against outside forces, or yourself.
The darkness of a lost battle cannot be described.
I cry painfully as I know that one day, it may be my fate as well.

Locked in a stalemated death war,
The vicious Black Dragons won't yield.
Neither will The Warrior Gods.
As they force their way through repeated
bloody battles, a heavy toll is extracted.
Still, The Warrior Gods march forward. Defeated, yet undefeated.
Blind Bravery. Unimaginable Strength.
It is only they, who can know of how this feels.
Woe to our Hero's and Heroines
who have slipped into this black hole.  

A new light is coming for these stoic indefatigables.
New weapons, a new spirit, a new way out.
Now they will get revenge on their enemy,
at last, they will overwhelmingly annihilate it.
The win will truly come at an extreme price, but what is ones life worth?
It is through their own oxymoronic invincibility that they
may finally stroll the walk of Freedom.
It is through their strange crusade of stubborness that they, once again
can enjoy sunlight with their name written on it.
We throw Confetti, Flowers and Cheers to these unsung heros
At last they can roll through the glorious victory lane,
with throngs of screaming supporters and bands blaring.
After all these years of mind numbing sacrifice,
the prison cell can finally open. The nightmare can finally end.

Let these coveted Warrior Gods continue to be
the spearheads of our human battle against destructive forces.
They teach us how to never give up in this fight for a happy, healthy life.

[TXRebecca]

Hello,   I woke up this morning to find you posting.  My uncle has had hepatitisC for about7 yrs now that we know of.  He has been on the liver transplant list for about half of that time.  They keep telling my aunt to keep that pager on her, so when it goes off they will rush him in San Antionio to receive it.  SHe has such horrible doubts it will ever happen, that some days she doesn't even wear it too work.  He looks terrible.  He has gray skin know, and his skin is swollen and his stomach is bloated.  He has sores on the top of his head, and he is turning really mean from feeling so bad.  It is a grueling thing to watch happen to someone you love.  

I wish you peace and healing in your journey.
Rebecca~..~

[jen46342]

sorry to hear of your struggles...sounds a bit artificail being we are complete starngers and I am sure you hear it all the time. Life sucks and throws **** at us that sometimes we can deal with and other times we seek alternative ways to semi-manage a diificult situation. For anyone who is struggeling to find peace, to find a better way, or to just cope with what life has thrown at them turn to your strengths...look at all you have done and perhaps once was before whatever your struggle is has dominated the goodness and the serenity in you. We all have struggles, some more serious and more damaging than others, but we all have them. Trust that no matter how downward your life looks this very moment that there will be a brighter side. That you will have happiness and find what it is you are searching for. Thank your higher power for these struggles because each one has a very valuable message attached to it...even if we don't realize it for a very long time afterwards. And when thanking your higher power you are able to realize that the light at the end of the tunnel you are going through will be much more powerful than the struggle you are experiencing now. Trust you are meant to be wher you are supposed to be at this very moment in time.Once you have accepted your immediate situation you can begin to look at it from a differant perspective and tackle it the best way possible. No there are no cures for some of our struggles, but there are methods to handle or manage and accept it. Thank God for supports and places like this filled with encouragement and wonderful people....

God Bless you all