Bad fight with husband...knew it was coming!

[soontobemom1]

Hi Everyone...

Well he finally let loose last night.....  I knew it was coming though.....  We were just haning out watching TV and I watched him drink and drink and get more and more obnoxious and it hit me "I think he has a drinking problem"   I kind of always thought he drank too much at night but, never really said anything because I thought well I am taking so many pills so who am I to talk.... But, now that I am working my a s s off to get clean for my sake, his sake and most importantly the sake of our baby that is on it's way I guess it is a little easier to recognize he may have a problem as well....  So I spoke up and said I think he needs to cut back...
Well it automatically came right back to me and the pills and so on.....  I am pissed to say the least....  He wants to blame everything on me......

OK.. I will post more in a bit must get ready for work...
Tracy

[Mommy_needs_help]

Ooooh girl -- are you OK?
I'm glad that your last post seems more positive!
All the wind that we've had in the last few days blew my internet connection out!
uug.  But it's back now.

I'm down to 4.5 - 4 already... I guess with all the throwing up I have been doing,,, I've been taking my pill and then throwing up soon after.. it got me down faster.

like I said before - I was worried about ti being too quick, but my OB said see how it feels... try to stay on a schedule, but if I'm not 'hurting' then skip it.

Honestly - I've been feeling good.  Except for the vomiting!
But I expect that to quit at any point!

Well - hope all is well with you & hubby.
Feel free to fly out if you need a break!  ;)

O - I finished the second costume... my flower girls will be starring in the play next week.  I can't wait - so cute!!

[soontobemom1]

I think we are both going to be OK... Just a lot of changes we both have to make and fast.....  I really don't think my husband is an alcoholic but, when he does drink he gets too drunk and after talking today he kind of gets where I am coming from....  I guess my number one mistake was trying to address it when he was drunk... I kind of just freaked out on him because he was annoying me..... But, we are going back to therapy.... We both really love eachother and have been through so so much together  especially in the past three years that eventually something has to give.... and I guess it did...

I am doing pretty well on the taper... I have myself down to five pills a day for the past 3 days and I will try to cut to 4.5 or 4 on Monday,....  I am hoping for 4 a day because atleast then I will know in my heart that is what is prescribed , even to pregnant women sO I won't feel as guilty like I am going to kill my baby....

how is everyone else doing?

[liscamdave]

That is a bad situation. I remember before my husband died, when we were both using, it made for some pretty bad fights. Never physical, but bad. Name calling, hating each other. Even worse when we couldn't get pills, omg...So I feel for your situation. The only experience with alcoholics, were my parents, and that was something awful. He needs help as you do because you dont need the added stress. Good luck sweetie....

Lisa

[NautyOne]

I don't think that now is the best time to address this.  You need to worry about your recovery first.  If he was in fact drinking at the time u addressed the situ.......the response isn't suprising.  Get yourself in check first unless the drinking is causing serious issues.  How supportive and active is he in your recovery???  Sometimes spouses get nervous because they are afraid your not going to like them anymore off the pills etc etc.  I think he just got a little touchy because i can remember when a friend of mine quite smoking after many years and i didnt and all of a sudden all she did was b itch about smoke...........no smoking in my house, car, blaa blaa blaa   I got very defensive with her.....she really got an  attitude and i wanted to smack her, ,but i had to chill and respect her......Biach.lol  Hows the taper going and how are you feeling today???
Luv
nauty.............

[bettie1976]

sheesh i told my man he was a drunk while i was poppin pills. he just didnt realize it until things started getting bad for us both. he was willing to listen, im also an alcoholic so i know one when i see one, and he heard me. he actually THANKED me for calling him on it b/c he said no one ever cared enuf to before. maybe itll just take awhile for him to open his eyes

[lunachick]

good for you!! good girl

[soontobemom1]

Luna- on't worry about it... i know all about sleepy eyes...lol  I just wanted to make sure that noone thought he hit me.. That is something I would never tolerate!

[lunachick]

im sorry. I misread I thought when you said, "it hit me", that you said "he hit me"...sorry it's early...

[soontobemom1]

Hi Guys....

Thank so much for your quick responses..... First off i just wanted to let Luna know that my husband does not hit me and never has.... At worst we yell.....  I think my biggest mistake was to try dealing with it when he was already drunk and I didn't necessarily go easy... I just screamed at him that I can't stand him when he is drunk and thus the fight began...

He is not an everyday drinker, at most he drinks 2-4 nights a week and never during the day.... But, when he does drink I feel he gets too drunk... He says he does it out of boredom and to help him fall asleep but, I too agree that these are excuses....  I am not asking him not to drink all I want is for him to not drink as much when he does... I know that he is a good loving guy that workd very hard blah blah blah... I just feel that god has given us a fresh start in life and that he should be dealing with his s h i t as well and not taking my problems as a free pass to not be responsible for anything...  

I just sent him an email that was very nce but, also that I want to start seeing our marriage counseler again....  I know this baby is a blessing but, I also know it will bring a lot more stress to our marriage and we need to deal with as much as we can now...

UGH!!!
Tracy

[lunachick]

maybe go to a woman's shelter for the time being?

[lunachick]

Thats a really crappy situation. I used to actually beat up on my partner when i was heavily using, thus in turn he'd fight back. it's not a pretty situation, and the fact that you are preggers makes it worse. Be careful, the stress isn't good for you or the baby

[angel47630]

I sent ya an email hon...........................you are right on girl, but I am very worried about your stress hon.

Check your mail

[VOsRose]

Did you try talking to him while he was drunk?  

The response you got is typical of a person in denial about their own usage.  I'm not saying he's an alcoholic...I have no idea.  However, the defensiveness and pointing the finger back at you is an indication of denial on his part.

Perhaps try talking to him about it a time when you are both calm, even in a "loving" mood...and definately when he is SOBER.  Also, if it gets heated, please remain calm and remove yourself from the situation until you both calm down.  You should try to avoid emotionally upsetting situations for the sake of yourself and your unborn child right now.  

Good luck!

Rosie

[beachtowel]

cant attack have to talk about addiction without interrogation.........have to be able to work things out........he drinks you pop pills there is no difference.......
one thing about drinkers they think their above druggies.....becareful how you handle it........