Aa
Tramadol is going to kill me
I have to stop this. I am a chronic pain patient. Have access to anything from morphine, percocet, most recently Belladonna/Opium and pure oxycodone. nothing I take compares to my drug of choice for the past 3 years.. that evil little white pill, Tramadol
I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked. I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.
So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now... its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day, but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.
Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc) and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me. If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"
Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body. its exhausting... literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out." Im running out of options.... and Im just TIRED.
and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall.... I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.
Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google " how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.
So the question---- HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....
I need help
I am not a " high" type person. never enjoyed the stoned feeling. I have extreme lethargy from several chronic diseases and when I found this little speed pill that gave me super energy and feeling like a normal person again , I was hooked. I was able to get out of bed and have strength, clean my house , go out with my kids, be a normal mom again.
So here I am now , and have been for awhile now, desperately trying to make it until my next script, doctor shopping, E.R. visits just for the purpose of getting more tramadol because my pain managment doctor would cut me off if they knew id taken 150 tablets in a week ... Thats my usual now... its always been 4 at a time , at least 12 per day, but for the past year its usually 15-20 per day.
Ive tried to w/d on my own... its literal hell and I cannot take it. Ive used other drugs to replace tramadol ( vicodin, norco etc) and ive sucessfully done it , but I always go back to tramadol, only because of the energy it gives me. If I didnt suffer from debilitating fatigue, I wouldnt have ever started this junk. All I wanted was to be pain free and have a normal energy level. I once had ambition, I could do anything, Now , there are only 3 magic words I wait to hear, " your prescriptions ready"
Ive conned so many doctors, pharmacies, some at the same time... anything to get that pill that controls my life. Im so tired of being slave to a drug that is destroying my body. its exhausting... literally scared to look at my bottle, in case its getting low... then the anxiety sets in ," ok I have to start figuring out how to get another script before that runs out." Im running out of options.... and Im just TIRED.
and to top it all off , last week, I swore I would stop again ... BUT I NEED energy, because I DO suffer from chronic fatigue and I conned some Adderall.... I took the whole bottle of 40 in 3 days.
Thats when I realize , nothing is going to work , because , I AM AN ADDICT. thats the reality. I think it really set it when I was researching on google " how to call in your own prescriptions" AND I almost went through with it. If I had I probably would have been arrested.
So the question---- HOW do I stop this? Ive been trying to drag myself to the rehab clinic for methadone/suboxone.... I cant be chained to a methadone clinic... just wont work for me . and im scared that subuxone wont give me the energy I need. SO im literally terrified that I will move onto adderall , no matter if I do manage to quit the tram....
I need help
You have been off the trams for what? 4, 5 days right? By Monday, that will be a week! Going on Subs at that point would be just going backwards. Please give it a LOT of thought...and definitely don't start self medicating with subs you get off the street.
You need a more intensive recovery plan IMO. You're not addressing all of the underlying issues, you're only looking for relief for how you feel. While that's understandable.....that part of it WILL get better and eventually resolve. The addictive tendencies will not....those you have to work on.
You need a more intensive recovery plan IMO. You're not addressing all of the underlying issues, you're only looking for relief for how you feel. While that's understandable.....that part of it WILL get better and eventually resolve. The addictive tendencies will not....those you have to work on.
Found a wonderful drbqho can see me on Monday for subuxone. Only have to come up with a few hundred dollars.... But I'm losing my mind now and my whole body hurts , brain zaps , nasuea and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin.
BUT I'm NOT going to get tramadol.. I'm not ..
However I do have an opportunity to get a few sub strips ... I'm probably going to break down and get those
Lord please help me ... I've fallen in the gutter and can't get out!! Ugh
BUT I'm NOT going to get tramadol.. I'm not ..
However I do have an opportunity to get a few sub strips ... I'm probably going to break down and get those
Lord please help me ... I've fallen in the gutter and can't get out!! Ugh
I know.. That has been running through my mind all day. I know that script will be ready and i know I will go get it. SO.. I will be sure to tell whoever I get help from that its there and I need to let the pharmacy know to destroy it.
I've called 25 local offices and none of them take insurance.
The last Dr I spoke with called me from his cell and he seems like he was talking to a friend when he spoke to me. Which is nice.. But he said he's never heard of detox from tramadol with suboxone .. Most everyone he sees uses heroine.... but if I want to try it then he's all for it ...so he's gonna call me back in an hour so we can talk.
Still calling other doctors in the meantime....
I've called 25 local offices and none of them take insurance.
The last Dr I spoke with called me from his cell and he seems like he was talking to a friend when he spoke to me. Which is nice.. But he said he's never heard of detox from tramadol with suboxone .. Most everyone he sees uses heroine.... but if I want to try it then he's all for it ...so he's gonna call me back in an hour so we can talk.
Still calling other doctors in the meantime....
No its not strange at all. It is a very common mistake that people who are in early detox make all the time. The safety net. The backup plan. This will backfire on you because it will be there lying in wait to get you. And you will go get it. It will be calling your name the entire time and at some point you will listen. By the way, Walgreens didn't tell CVS anything. The national database did. Your name and birthday bring up all past scripts. No insurance needed. Those days of paying cash are over. Please speak to your doctor about a taper plan and start weaning off asap.
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