Day 2 soon!!!!

[jstntime]

Ok guys, I feel sick about what I have done.   I have relapsed after 30 days clean.  Yes 30 days.  After having unbelievable feelings of happiness and empowerment and many others, I go and put myself back to square 1.

I knew I was playing with fire and I did it anyway.  I have been using for approximately 2 weeks.  I am still trying to figure out why.  Wd was very difficult for me and now I look forward to doing it again.  Yes, I'm jumping today (I wrote this yesterday).  I've gotten rid of my pills and supply (again) and plan to re-start my clean time.

I am posting because I've been urged by some of you who know of my relapse to re-post my story.  I feel worthless and like quite a failure at the moment.  I know this is a normal feeling and I know the important thing is that I try this again but it does not make me feel any better.  

I want this bad.  I really do.  I am praying I have the strength to get through Wd again.  

I have met some amazing people here.  I am asking some of you who know me to please write and check in from time to time as I could really use the encouragement.  I am scared as I know what is about to begin for me.  God help me.

I am sorry to those who have helped me and to those who looked to me for encouragement.   I promise to give it my best again this time, not sure there is much more that I can say.

bob

"If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you.  What we call failure is not the falling down but the staying down."

Mary Pickford

[oxyproblem]

You are an inspiration..I am happy to see even know you fell off you are climbing back on as we speak.. wd's are terrible so you are very brave to immediately say you are going to try agian..I am going through them now myself doing a taper and a fast taper at that..so I wanted you to know that you inspired me once I read your post..If I do happen to fall I know now that it is possible for it not to be over, and not mean we lost, you are proving that as you go!! Your giving some of us something we havent had in a long long time....HOPE!  
Sending warm thoughts and strength to you.........
Hugs to all you wonderful people on here that I dont know how we would survive this without you strong ones that have already succeeded and keep winning this battle each day...cannot wait till I can start counting the clean days!

[prayformetoo]

Hi Bob.
Man. I am so proud of you to get back in the fight. It gives me even more hope and strength knowing you haven't given up. I also know that God has great plans for you to
overcome this and help even more people than you already have.
I for one owe you a great deal of graditude.You helped save my life at the beginning of my Detox.
Me and my family are praying for you. And God does heal In fact he's in the healing business..
Your friend
Steve    

[bmdad]

Hey Bob...The quote you posted says it all. There is always another chance. You have not failed, you simply fell down. All you can do is get up, dust yourself off, and go at it again. You know you have it in you as you made it 30 days before. I'm glad you caught it at 2 weeks this time and not 2 years. It may not be as bad this time since you caught it so soon. Just don't get down on yourself. Everything happens for a reason and maybe this relapse was just to make you stronger. This relapse may have kept you from relapsing further down the road and it may have lasted longer. Just stay strong and take it a day at a time or even a minute at a time. You are a strong willed person so I know you have the strength to get through this again. I'm pulling for you and know you will succeed! Hang in there bud! You will be back at the one month mark before you know it!
Best of luck!
Brian