Yeah it sounds like our revenue canada,I got an audit last year,they said they wanted the past 7 years of my life!Took alot of work with my accountant to come up with every scrap of my business & personal life!! GOOD LUCK with them and "watch your back"
Joe
Tex3--I'm a little better today but the back is still pretty painful. At least I don't feel cold and sweaty so much anymore. The RLS wasn't so bad last night and I actually slept about 6 hours straight. It's getting better and today I could see that. I just wish my back didn't hurt so much. I'm on ice and heat and that does help.
Koala--actually, I had a few benzos so I'm not adverse to taking medication to help with w/d's--believe me--I HATE suffering. I am goin to have my doc call in another small (10) script to take care of the next week. I start up my job again (summer vacation is over!!!) next week and I hope to be off everything then (and feeling better).
Alexandra, I'm sorry you feel so bad. Back pain really sucks. Is it any better today? Like you, I suffered terribly with the RLS anytime I quit or ran out of pills. It was such a horrible feeling to have your leg out of control. I know GWH suffers with this too. The only thing that helped me was a muscle relaxer, which you probably don't want to take. I took skelaxin and the zanaflex. The zanaflex completely knocked it out but it knocked ME out too. Was worth it for that week or so though. Eat bananas. That's supposed to help. You're doing great and should feel good about that. I've finally got pills off my mind. Even when I went to the doctor yesterday (turns out my infection never went away and is worse than ever) and was really hurting, I didn't get any. That's a miracle in itself!
Fishman, yes, the IRS is a nightmare, although I have to say they are really working with me right now. Still, it hangs around your neck, you know?
Boy oh boy talk about being in a haze..Living in Canada we always hear about your IRS but I thought it was kinda the same as you Americans thinking we lived in igloos..guess what everyone I've never seen an igloo but after watching your news I know alot of you have seen the IRS.
Doh!
Thanks for pointing that out.
I'll try again.
WW
Hey... I looked at Alexandra's address...
Re-Mail to her with 4 (FOUR) 7's. You tried with three!
Hope that helps!
Jess
hi alexandra,
I tried to email you at ***@****, but it bounced back as undeliverable.
I tried to send the name and number of the acupuncturist I go to. She is wonderful, non judgmental, and very experienced with both chronic pain and addiction/opiate wd.
Write to me at ***@**** and I'll send you her number. I've had some friends with hotmail accounts have trouble with their accounts lately, so maybe the system is down. I'd love to get you this info, but don't want to plaster her name and number on the internet without her permission.
love,
WW
Thanks for the encouragement. I do exercise--and in fact, I have an elliptical cross trainer at my house. For me, it is also the only kind of cardio machine (other than a treadmill which I'm not all that fond of using) that doesn't hurt my back. Usually, I love to exercise because it relieves stress and feels good, but I have had to force myself to do it this last week and haven't been doing it as much as I should. I feel so drained that it is hard. But, I know that exercise improves endorphin production so I should probably be doing more. I also have gone to yoga--but again, haven't been doing THIS either because I have no energy. Maybe I should try acupuncture, though--I tried it once to quit smoking about 8 years ago and it didn't really work (about a year later I used the patch and haven't smoked since). But it might work differently for back pain. Do you know a good ancupuncturist in the Bay Area? If you have a lead on a good one, you can email me at ***@****
Thanks for the support--it really helps to know that you are dealing with chronic pain and living opiate free. I don't want to use opiates anymore either. I just can't stand feeling that w/d when they aren't in my system and don't want them controlling my life anymore. If I can't stand it after a month or two of no use, maybe I'll look into the bup.
The ONLY thing that keeps my RLS to a nil is something called Lorazepam. I know it is not a good drug of choice, but my spasms were out of control, and this took it completely away. But if you are bound to do it on your own, I can offer nothing else, sorry.
Koala
I also have chronic back pain, so I can totally relate to the frustration you are feeling with your pain.
In the first part of wd, the pain is not as noticable because your body is freaking out with the absence of opiates.
Then the back pain comes to the front.
Let me share what helps me manage my back pain, though nothing totally gets rid of it.
Acupuncture helps.
Aerobic excercise helps. I use an elyptical machine at the gym 5 times a week. Any other machine hurts my back more, so I stick with the elyptical.
Stretching helps , as does yoga and pilates if you can find a teacher.
Buprenorphine helps, but is very hard to find and needs to be used very carefully because it is an opiate and you can get addicted to it. Doctors for some reason are reluctant to prescribe it (I got offered oxy by two docs in lieu of bup, even though I told them I"m an addict..go figure)
I've given up on bup 'cause I just can't get any.
You might be doing all these things as it is. I really can relate to your dilema. Just know you are not alone. I still prefer the back pain to the pain of opiate addiction.
love,
WW
Hi Tracy--it sure does sound as though you have a full plate. It'll get smoothed out, though. I have a feeling that things are going to take a turn for the better for you very soon. Hang in there.
I am feeling pretty well physically, although drained and kind of lethargic. I have restless leg at night that drives me crazy (this runs in my family anyway--my mom has this condition and has _never_ used alcohol or drugs!). I even have had it when I was using the vicodin, but it is really bad now. Mike (my guy) is so great though--he massages my legs at the end of the day and this seems to help a lot. My back is really hurting today--it wasn't too bad during the first few days of withdrawal, which surprised me, but it is bad the last couple of days. I don't know what I do that triggers it, and sure wish I did know--cause I sure as hell would stop whatever I'm doing. This is the hardest for me because it constantly reminds me that I could relieve the pain with an opiate. However, I do not have any vicodins at my disposal. I had about 10 left when I stopped using and had Mike hold them--then I had him get rid of them so I wouldn't constantly think about it. My doctor would call me in some in a minute, but I am still committed to seeing this through. The forum helps a lot--but it's still hard.
Thanks Alex. Actually, I'm having problems with my plumbing in the house (it was making really weird noises) and with the images of the recent flooding, I guess it triggered it! Plus, I've been feeling overwhelmed as my husband is working nonstop and I'm trying to deal with all the home stuff alone. Course, I always did before, even when I worked full time, but then I'd just pop a pill and ignore the more stressful aspects of life. It's catching up to me now, though, as I'm dealing with the IRS and all other kinds of stuff. What fun. But yes, I actually am doing well! Thanks for your post. How are you feeling?
You're in Texas, right? Where they had that awful flooding? No wonder you had a dream about your house flooding! Hopefully, it won't be prophetic for you Texans. I'm glad to see you posting again, and got your email. I was _very_ happy to hear from you! And glad to hear that you're still doing great.
Thanks Alexandra. It's nice to know it does get better. Last night I only dreamed about my house flooding, which I guess is an improvement!
I had an awful dream just last night. I was using heroin again--and I went through the entire process in the dream. Feeling sick, then trying to figure out how to scam the money up, then copping the dope and then I went into some icky place and shot up. I didn't feel better though--in my dream it was **** the dealer sold me, so I felt sick still. It was really bad because my guy was using too--and he's never done drugs other than smoke a little pot when he was in college. We were both junkies though.
I haven't had drug dreams for a really long time and I'm sure that this one was brought on by my w/d from vikes (day 8 here, now!). When I first quit using heroin over 10 years ago, I had "using" dreams all the time. Then became less frequent until they rarely happened. When I did have them, it was always when I was undergoing some major stresser. The last time I remember having a using dream was the night before I was going to defend my dissertation. That one was so real, I actually looked at my arms in the a.m. for needle marks.
It does get better in time. After I had been clean for about 3 years, I NEVER thought about using. In fact, I still don't crave heroin or cocaine at ALL. I have no euphoric recall--I only remember that it was a nightmare, and one that I have no desire to repeat.
Peace and prayers to all the suffering addicts. One day at a time and all that.
Your first dream is right up my alley. I always have the same one: I am in my closet (where I stashed my OC's for years), and find one or two of em. I chew away, and then wake up upset.
For me, I think it might be a sign that I am scared shitless of using again, which is a good thing. Also, the longer I stay clean, the more I have to lose. I have far more to lose today then I did 3 mos. ago when I took my last drug, and the dreams may be a product of the realization that I could lose it all immediately if I am not careful.
I didn't have the using dreams for the first couple of months, but lately they've come more and more. Several times a week, I'll dream that someone has vicodin and I find it in a cabinet, or something like that, and take them. I hate being so preoccupied with this. It really tests you, and hell I've been tested enough to last a lifetime (of course, I don't always pass!). Anyway I think the dreams are just more of our natural preoccupation with drugs. Sometimes, for me, it's better, when I'm not thinking about them as often. I wonder if this is something that lasts for years. Maybe someone with more experience can comment. I quit using on April 1, except for the two separate occassion when I've had legit pain and took pills for a few days each (although at a normal dose, not 30/day). This starts the preoccupation up all over again, unfortunately.
When getting clean, I used to have drug dreams every single night. Don't worry, just give it some time.
Having dreams about drugs and/or using them, especially your drug of choice, is completely normal. So don't worry, nothing is wrong: ) It's all about "wish fulfillment," which is often the reason we dream what we do. We're fulfilling some concious or unconscious wish in our sleep that we cannot or will not fulfill in real life. It's a good thing to have these dreams too sometimes, because while no harm is being done, your mind is kind of being satisfied.
Hope this helped: )