Good morning friends, I've hit a bit of a milestone for me...never made it to day 5 before, and I am pretty certain it is because of the help every one of you dear people have given me :) From just reading through posts, getting encouragement, chatting with me through the roughest parts of withdrawal, everyone here has made a difference. I wish I found this place sooner, or may have gotten off from the rx crazy-train a long time ago.
I don't particularly like titles or labels...tend to stereotype people under them, and the term addict always bothered me because of it. I have a completely different stereotype of an addict now. For me, an addict is a person who is too sensitive to the world around them. They have much love and strength to give, yet often have a difficult time giving themselves the same courtesy. They focus so much energy on their surroundings, or their perceived failures, the pain - whether physical or emotional feels insurmountable. The luxury they give themselves is that little hit, temporarily numbing away all the pain the world places on their shoulders. If we lived in a better place, I don't think addiction would be so widespread. We wouldn't want to hide from our perceived or real failures or pains but allow ourselves to accept them, and move on as best we could...no fear of judgment or retribution. Whether we start getting high from scripts, or from street drugs we are all trying to escape from something terrible, that no one but us, really knows. The suffering we create was done unintentionally, a side effect of trying to empower ourselves in some small way.
Those addicts here, or in other places of healing should be very proud of themselves, taking that giant, scary step of sobriety. Facing the prospect at looking at the world again clearly, painfully. Nothing to numb, no more armor in this wicked place. We will make amends as best as we can, showing sincere remorse and admitting we are not as strong as we wish we could be. Hopefully, our loved ones will accept us for what and who we are, forgive us, and let us forgive ourselves.
Well, that's enough of me waxing philosophical :) Obviously I had too much time on my hands this morning. I'm off to actually do some chores, it's been awhile since I've felt so good.
Warmly,
Xandra