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Why am I addicted to everything I like?
I was heavily addicted to opiates for 6 years. I've been clean for a year and very grateful. The problem is now when I find something I like its like I'm addicted to that. Like a certain food,downloading songs on the internet, or when I have any extra money I spend it on something "I have to have" but of course really don't. I used to be able to balance and control these things. Once you cross that imaginary line into addiction,does it apply to everything? Is is mental or physiological?
Kinda lends creedence to the saying "All things happen for a reason".
My unbelievably kind and loving spouse is just amazing to me now. She was amazing before, but you really start to look upon the heart of a person who is there helping you despite the fact that you don't deserve it.
More views from the addicts point of view for you, if you can stomach it...
I take full responsibility for getting into Vicodin hell. I mean, let's face it, when you're taking 4 at a time, you know your are not doing it for pain!
Having said that, I will say that once you are in a little, your reasoning and common sense are affected a little. Then your are in deeper, and your reasoning is affected more deeply. Once your are in "full", the very thing that can get you out - a clear mind and strong will - is fully affected by the drugs, and at least for me, was damaged and unable to "win" the battle of addiction. I would have never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up in the state that I did.
The main thing that I lost while on the painkillers was the happiness that was always part of me, and that I am still searching for at 46 days out! I hate depression more than anything and I have found a new appreciation for folks who battle this monster daily - he's strong!
But, having had drug problems as a kid in Miami, and alcohol problems later, one great thing that came out of this experience is this - I will explain in full detail to all three of my boys (13, 11, and 7) what a catastrophic mistake drug and alcohol use is. You must see this from the underside to understand it, I think. One guy I like - Bill Oreilly - puts it this way "When a child does drugs for the first time, something inside the child dies, he is never the same again". In my experience, this is absolutely true.
And so it comes down to this. Although I have the greatest God in the world, and my life is more or less awesome, I can;t have a really good time unless I am wasted on something! This is a habit I know I learned while hanging with my friends in Miami as a young adult. What I wouldn't pay to have an UNDO command for certain parts of my life! But then I wouldn't be here, learning all I am and hopefully growing in some way.
I want an ice cold Heineken. I want a tall Barcardi and coke - double. I want 4.5 Norcos. I want a Samuel Adams Octoberfest in the dark bottle with a frosted mug and a cheeseburger.
I am learning that all of the above are nothing but lies of life, promising short term happiness but delivering a lengthy bout with hell!
I want to be a good dad. A good husband. A good Christian. A good employee. A good person.
If I skip the first group, God will give me the second. That seems fair. No one said I have to like it. I am just praying that one day soon I will...
Thanks for being the other side of the coin for us chemical kids!
Rex
My unbelievably kind and loving spouse is just amazing to me now. She was amazing before, but you really start to look upon the heart of a person who is there helping you despite the fact that you don't deserve it.
More views from the addicts point of view for you, if you can stomach it...
I take full responsibility for getting into Vicodin hell. I mean, let's face it, when you're taking 4 at a time, you know your are not doing it for pain!
Having said that, I will say that once you are in a little, your reasoning and common sense are affected a little. Then your are in deeper, and your reasoning is affected more deeply. Once your are in "full", the very thing that can get you out - a clear mind and strong will - is fully affected by the drugs, and at least for me, was damaged and unable to "win" the battle of addiction. I would have never in my wildest dreams thought I would end up in the state that I did.
The main thing that I lost while on the painkillers was the happiness that was always part of me, and that I am still searching for at 46 days out! I hate depression more than anything and I have found a new appreciation for folks who battle this monster daily - he's strong!
But, having had drug problems as a kid in Miami, and alcohol problems later, one great thing that came out of this experience is this - I will explain in full detail to all three of my boys (13, 11, and 7) what a catastrophic mistake drug and alcohol use is. You must see this from the underside to understand it, I think. One guy I like - Bill Oreilly - puts it this way "When a child does drugs for the first time, something inside the child dies, he is never the same again". In my experience, this is absolutely true.
And so it comes down to this. Although I have the greatest God in the world, and my life is more or less awesome, I can;t have a really good time unless I am wasted on something! This is a habit I know I learned while hanging with my friends in Miami as a young adult. What I wouldn't pay to have an UNDO command for certain parts of my life! But then I wouldn't be here, learning all I am and hopefully growing in some way.
I want an ice cold Heineken. I want a tall Barcardi and coke - double. I want 4.5 Norcos. I want a Samuel Adams Octoberfest in the dark bottle with a frosted mug and a cheeseburger.
I am learning that all of the above are nothing but lies of life, promising short term happiness but delivering a lengthy bout with hell!
I want to be a good dad. A good husband. A good Christian. A good employee. A good person.
If I skip the first group, God will give me the second. That seems fair. No one said I have to like it. I am just praying that one day soon I will...
Thanks for being the other side of the coin for us chemical kids!
Rex
Hey,
Thanks for the info. I called and I am going to my first meeting tomorrow. I will let you all know how it goes...
-Anthony
Thanks for the info. I called and I am going to my first meeting tomorrow. I will let you all know how it goes...
-Anthony
Bungee7,
At NA meetings, you don't have to speak. There is usually a speaker...who goes through the steps and the traditions. Then they ask someone (preselected usually) to get up and tell their story. After that...people who have been sober for 24 hours, 1 month, 3 months etc...have the opportunity to get up and get a medallion in recognition of their success. Just sit and listen to what others are saying. I personally feel uplifted when i leave. It helps to know that we are not alone in this battle. If nothing else...knowing this makes my life a whole lot easier.
Good Luck!
Let us know how it goes.
Catherine
Rex,
Thanks for the personal insights. I have learned a lot from your posts, and look forward to more. I love him soo much more now than i ever did...which scares me...because i wonder...if i didn't love him this much before....why did i marry him? Don't get me wrong i am soo glad i did...but looking back...he was on pills, and wasn't there for me at all....and yet something still told me to do it...and i am glad i listened. He is completely different in the way he treats and reacts to me. Even his kiss feels different...like he is actually kissing me...not just going through the motions. Hard to explain. Just know that i am happy. I am glad you and your wife are happy too.
Thanks again
Catherine
At NA meetings, you don't have to speak. There is usually a speaker...who goes through the steps and the traditions. Then they ask someone (preselected usually) to get up and tell their story. After that...people who have been sober for 24 hours, 1 month, 3 months etc...have the opportunity to get up and get a medallion in recognition of their success. Just sit and listen to what others are saying. I personally feel uplifted when i leave. It helps to know that we are not alone in this battle. If nothing else...knowing this makes my life a whole lot easier.
Good Luck!
Let us know how it goes.
Catherine
Rex,
Thanks for the personal insights. I have learned a lot from your posts, and look forward to more. I love him soo much more now than i ever did...which scares me...because i wonder...if i didn't love him this much before....why did i marry him? Don't get me wrong i am soo glad i did...but looking back...he was on pills, and wasn't there for me at all....and yet something still told me to do it...and i am glad i listened. He is completely different in the way he treats and reacts to me. Even his kiss feels different...like he is actually kissing me...not just going through the motions. Hard to explain. Just know that i am happy. I am glad you and your wife are happy too.
Thanks again
Catherine
Bungee7,
At NA meetings, you don't have to speak. There is usually a speaker...who goes through the steps and the traditions. Then they ask someone (preselected usually) to get up and tell their story. After that...people who have been sober for 24 hours, 1 month, 3 months etc...have the opportunity to get up and get a medallion in recognition of their success. Just sit and listen to what others are saying. I personally feel uplifted when i leave. It helps to know that we are not alone in this battle. If nothing else...knowing this makes my life a whole lot easier.
Good Luck!
Let us know how it goes.
Catherine
At NA meetings, you don't have to speak. There is usually a speaker...who goes through the steps and the traditions. Then they ask someone (preselected usually) to get up and tell their story. After that...people who have been sober for 24 hours, 1 month, 3 months etc...have the opportunity to get up and get a medallion in recognition of their success. Just sit and listen to what others are saying. I personally feel uplifted when i leave. It helps to know that we are not alone in this battle. If nothing else...knowing this makes my life a whole lot easier.
Good Luck!
Let us know how it goes.
Catherine
I think i'm going to go to a NA meeting tonight. I'm going to call after work and see if there even is one tonight. Does anybody have any "NA Advice" for me? I've never been to a meeting before, what should I expect? Wish me luck....
-Anthony
-Anthony
You had said that you were on Fentanyl & it was close to the same as heroin. What exactly is this patch. My Mother just went to a pain management doctor last week after her orthopedic surgeon recomended that she needs a stronger pain med than the Vicodin ES that she had taken...responisibly (3 to 4 pills a day for about 9 years...isn't THAT amazing?) I believe that the Fentanyl was one of the meds the doc recomended but I was unable to find any info on this. (I may have been spelling it wrong) He also mentioned oxy, methadone & a slew of others.
My Mom has digentitive disc disease in her back, carpul tunnel in both hands, two rebuilt hips & a bunch of other problems. To top all of this off, she has had numerous pulminary embalisms & 3 strokes so she can NEVER have surgery again due to the fact that she must take blood thinners to keep any more blood clots from happening or the existing ones from causing blockages or strokes.
Any info you have on this or the others would be GREATLY appreciated.
Thanks,
FINISHED...
My Mom has digentitive disc disease in her back, carpul tunnel in both hands, two rebuilt hips & a bunch of other problems. To top all of this off, she has had numerous pulminary embalisms & 3 strokes so she can NEVER have surgery again due to the fact that she must take blood thinners to keep any more blood clots from happening or the existing ones from causing blockages or strokes.
Any info you have on this or the others would be GREATLY appreciated.
Thanks,
FINISHED...
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