Why am I addicted to everything I like?

[lifeisbetter]

I was heavily addicted to opiates for 6 years.  I've been clean for a year and very grateful. The problem is now when I find something I like its like I'm addicted to that. Like a certain food,downloading songs on the internet, or when I have any extra money I spend it on something "I have to have" but of course really don't. I used to be able to balance and control these things. Once you cross that imaginary line into addiction,does it apply to everything? Is is mental or physiological?

[madeline]

Hey vicojen,

From your post I gather you are taking
vicoden.  I have had those before but
I am now on percocet (which I feel is
alot stronger).  Anyway you say you are
useing again.  For real pain or addiction.
My knee pain is over from my surgery and
I now take the percocet for an addiction.
Are you tapering down or going off
your vicoden.  I want to start tapering
as I as scaird to death of cold turkey.
I am looking for someone who may be trying
to do the same thing as I am.   All you
guys seem to know oneanother real good,
and I am relatively new to this group.
Help...........and I hope I can be of
help

Madeline

[NEW ORLEANS LADY]

AS OF 1:20 P.M. TODAY I HAVE MADE 21 DAYS OUT OF HYDRO-HELL--I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW IMPORTANT YOUR POSTS AND WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT HAVE BEEN--I WOULD HAVE NEVER MADE IT WITHOUT THIS FORUM--MOST PEOPLE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE AND WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE A "LITTLE PILL" CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE--
THANK YOU--ALL OF YOU--IT CAN BE DONE--YOU CAN COME OUT THE OTHER SIDE ONE MINUTE-ONE HOUR-ONE DAY AT A TIME--PEACE AND PRAYERS

[suzieneedshelp]

No problem.. just be sure u dont use this as an excuse to keep on using.  Your mind will want u to feel so down and angry and discouraged so that u will continute using.  Remember its part of the disease that keep s you addicted!
Dont be tricked or fooled into continuing it ok hon?
Suzie has faith in you!

[Jennibean]

Nope I am also on percocet. Actually I am on oxydose which is percocet without the tylenol. My liver enzymes were getting pretty high from taking too much of the tylenol so my Dr switched me not knowing how much I take just knowing I needed less tylenol. Percocet is deffinately stronger as Vicodin, norco none of that even touches my pain nor gives me a buzz. I am taking these for "real" pain. I have had several surgeries this year and one that destroyed my insides as the surgeon made alot of mistakes. However I take alot more than somebody who is just treating pain, so even though I truly need them for pain I have decided that since I am an addict and can never seem to take the right amount that I must get off and deal with the pain and try other things like acupuncture etc. The medications are causing too many of theri own problems rather than helping me as they are meant to. because I am irresponsible with them. I just got oxycontin which is just percocet that lasts 12 hours, you don't get a real good buzz unless you crush them which I will not be doing. I am hoping to use them to taper, I cannot seem to taper off the short acting meds I have said for a month that I will start tomorrow. You arew correct that tapering will be alot easier on you than cold turkey unfortunately not too many addicts are able to stick to a taper. If you keep it in your mind that you are tapering to prevent cold turkey later you may have some luck but most addicts are all about teh instant gratification and use the I'll start after this one last dose and it never happens. If you can do it you deffinately should! Be strong none of thsi is easy but one thing I know is cold turkey is HELL! I have done it and never want to do it again. I have severe symptoms when in withdrawal no sleeping for sure, restless legs and arms, sweating, yawning, stomach cramps etc. I just cannot go through it ever again I get too depressed. So I am trying the oxycontin way and praying that I don't abuse it because if I do oxycontin is a hell of alot harder to withdrawal from than percocet, the withdrawal lasts forever! I have done both too many times. Good Luck to you, You should talk to your Dr they actually can help if they know what they are doing. Even if tehy don't if you can get the right meds to help alot of peopel here can tell you how to use them and taper.
Jen

[Pinkit]

Could someone please post the Thomas Recipe for me.  I have a close friend who wants to try it for percocet withdrawal.  I saw the recipe way down in the forum, but it doesn't tell the amounts of each that you're suppost to take.  Please post this as soon as possible.  This person is scared and really stuggling for help.  She wants to try the recipe.  I know what it says to take, but I don't know the mg. of each item.  I could'nt find it.  Thank you to anyone who can help with this.

[Pinkit]

Hello Rex, I'm doing okay.  Thank you for asking. Still recovering, but I'm going to make it.  Wasn't able to stop completely yet, but I'm getting closer. I've been on the 2 vics a day for about 3 weeks now. I just can't seem to go lower yet. I havent posted in awhile as you know. We've had alot of emergency's going on in our family lately. Thanks for asking about me though. How about you. How's everything been going for you?  Have you found a way to help with your back without using narcotics?  I remember last time we spoke you were having alot of pain. I'm praying for you and everyone else that we will all soon be free of these demons (pain Pills)  god bless everyone.

[essentia]

Just curious, where is everyone geting there "meds" from?..... Is it really that easy to go to the doctor these days... tell a small lie and "bam" ..he/she justs writes the prescription? Personally... my use started with them being given to me from friends who had them left over and dont abuse. Now i can buy right online and shipped to my door.

Just Curious
E

[needhelp1]

Thomas Detox Recipe

PLEASE NOTE: I am not a doctor, simply a long-time Rx opiate junkie who has had many opportunities to develop a way to detox. This is a recipe for at-home self-detox from opiates based on my experience as well as that of many other addicts. It is not intended as professional medical advice. It is always wise to make sure none of the recipe ingredients or procedures conflict with medications you may be taking. Likewise, if you have any medical condition, disease, allergy or any other health issue, consult your doctor before using the recipe. Thanks, Thomas

This recipe is designed for cold turkey opiate detox. It assumes that you can get about 5 to 7 days away from your job or household responsibilities during which you can sleep, veg and act as miserable as you feel. Opiate WD mimics the symptoms of the common flu, so, if you need a smokescreen, hide behind a bad case of the flu.

If you can't take time off to detox, I recommend you follow a taper regimen using your drug of choice or suitable alternate -- the slower the taper, the better.

For the Recipe, You'll need:

1. Valium (or another benzodiazepine such as Klonopin, Librium, Ativan or Xanax). Of these, Valium and Klonopin are best suited for tapering since they come in tablet form. Librium is also an excellent detox benzo, but comes in capsules, making it hard to taper the dose. Ativan or Xanax should only be used if you can't get one of the others.

2. Imodium (over the counter, any drug or grocery store).

3. L-Tyrosine (500 mg caps) from the health food store.

4. Strong wide-spectrum mineral supplement with at least 100% RDA of Zinc, Phosphorus, Copper and Magnesium.

5. Vitamin B6 caps.

6. Access to hot baths or a Jacuzzi (or hot showers if that's all that's available).

How to use the recipe:

Begin your detox with regular doses of Valium (or alternate benzo). Start with a dose high enough to produce sleep. Before you use any benzo, make sure you're aware of how often it can be safely taken. Different benzos have different dosing schedules. Taper your Valium dosage down after each day. The goal is to get through day 4, after which the worst WD symptoms will subside. You shouldn't need the Valium after day 4 or 5.

During detox, hit the hot bath or Jacuzzi as often as you need to for muscle aches. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of hot soaks. Spend the entire time, if necessary, in a hot bath. This simple method will alleviate what is for many the worst opiate WD symptom.

Use the Imodium aggressively to stop the runs. Take as much as you need, as often as you need it. Don't take it, however, if you don't need it.

At the end of the fourth day, you should be waking up from the Valium and experiencing the beginnings of the opiate WD malaise. Upon rising (empty stomach), take the L-Tyrosine. Try 2000 mgs, and scale up or down, depending on how you feel. You can take up to 4,000 mgs. Take the L-Tyrosine with B6 to help absorption. Wait about one hour before eating breakfast. The L-Tyrosine will give you a surge of physical and mental energy that will help counteract the malaise. You may continue to take it each morning for as long as it helps. If you find it gives you the "coffee jitters," consider lowering the dosage or discontinuing it altogether. Occasionally, L-Tyrosine can cause the runs. Unlike the runs from opiate WD, however, this effect of L-Tyrosine is mild and normally does not return after the first hour. Lowering the dosage may help.

With breakfast, take the mineral supplement.

As soon as you can force yourself to, get some mild exercise such as walking, cycling, swimming, etc. This will be hard at first, but will make you feel considerably better.

PLEASE NOTE: If you have any medical complications, first check with your doctor before detoxing to verify that this regimen is safe for you.

[pon]

Keb...12 days is hard to make...don't kid yourself, after the physical w/d is gone, the pills sing louder each day for a while...when the physical w/d is over, you feel better...so why can't you handle the med if you're in pain?  The addiction will trick you, it will do everything that it can to make you take the pills agian...most of us have been there.

Thing is, it doesn't matter that you gave in.  It doesn't matter that you did not make it all the way this time.  You have nothing to be ashamed of or to feel bad about.  You are a person just like everyone else and you are worth evrything in the world.  Don't let the pills feed into the bad feeling you have for your fall.  They will, they will try to make you hate yourself, and take them to stop the feeling.

You did well, 12 days is hard...getting through the first 5 days IS hard.  Don't beat yourself up.  Get back on the horse and try agian.  YOU ARE WORTH IT.  You are worth more ythan the pills.  Accept what happened for what it is.  A step backwards on a very hard road to walk...nothing more.  Get back on the road and put one foot in front of the other...making it down the road counts...how you get there is not so important.

prayers,

pon

[lisabet]

What a great post to kebby - THIS is why I love this forum !  
Love/Peace, Lisabet

[kebby]

Thank you guys for all of the encouragement. I have a lot of thinking to do. I think I'm going to be O.K. One big plus is that I was not able to get percocets (my drug of choice), just these lousey Darvacets. I was suprised to catch a buzz since in the past they have done nothing for me. I did go to see an addictionologist today. Are any of you familiar w/ the Jamie Kennedy Show? Well, it is this hidden camera show, and things seemed so wacky at my visit, that I was half waiting for the door to pop open and for the camera men to pop out. I told him my whole story straight up; he then told me that he didn't think that I had an addiction problem, because addicts don't go to their doctors and say that they have a problem, and asked to be weened. (that was one thing), then he took a book off his shelf and showed me how they grow and harvest the opium plant, and asked me if I knew that Hitler was on Oxyicontin!? Here's the best part... he said I was a "fun" girl, and need to have "fun", and that was O.K.!!! He did go on to say in other ways... and to start nurturing myself. I'm going back next wk. I don't know why.
O.K., Lifeisbetter wanted me to clear her name. In this mornings post, I excluded her. It was only because she is one of my mentors, and best friend, and I was embarressed for her to see it.
Thanks again for all the comments and prayers.
School starts back tomorrow, things can only get better ;)

[Pinkit]

Thank you for the Thomas Recipe details.  I agree that was a great response to Kebby, Pon.  Very nicely said!!!

[Rex1]

Way to go. WOW - that's awesome. I too am at what 43 days now.

Feels good, although I have my ups and downs. Glad you are doing better - don't be a stranger. We have new people here all the time, and can use all the support we can get!

Rex

[sharonver]

You have an addictive personality, like most of us do. I do the same thing.  Shopping, eating, I could go on and on.  When I see it coming I try to stop it before it gets out of hand, but its not always easy. At least there is no physical withdrawals!!!
Thank God for that!

Sharon

[WifeofAddict]

I love your question...and think it is a good one for the doctor.  Can't wait to hear his response.  My husband gets out of rehab tomorrow (can't wait), and i am wondering the same thing.  Is he going to get addicted to NA meetings?  Is he going to drink?  Is he going to become absorbed with his job?  Hopefully he becomes addicted to me....that wouldn't be so bad :) Congrats on the one year opiate free!  What an accomplishment!  How do you feel?  Are the urges still strong?  How often do you crave it?  
~~~shaking your hand~~~~
Way to go!
Catherine

[kebby]

I relapsed yesterday on day 12 of no pills! I real great and very ashamed! I have my appointment w/ an addictionologist this afternoon. I have strep throat and just couldn't take the pain! Sorry to myself and all those who were inspired by me. Kebby

[Rex1]

Strep throat is no picnic! The sickest I have ever been in my life was when I had Strep about 6 years ago - pain like you wouldn't believe!

Now here's the kicker - if you were on painkillers for some time, and then had been going CT, this incredible pain would be magnified by 5x or maybe even 10x!!!

I am not saying this to make you feel better - it is the truth! I do not know whether I could take that kind of pain. I might take a very low dose of Norcos just to get through it, and then quickly taper to zero when I was well.

My point is, painkillers are for pain, and you likey have an oversensitized pain threshold because of your addiction. Don't beat yourself up - feel better and get well.

In fact, I am not sure I would call this a relapse.

On a side note, for all us here, this is the very reason I think we need to be off Painkillers, especially the strong ones like Hydro, Oxy, Ms Contin, ect. We may legitimately need them one day, plus all of our endorphins in full working order.

Kebby, I think that if you had say 6mo or a year of no painkillers, the pain from Strep would be much less because your bodies natural defenses would have stepped up and been operational.

Good luck and feel better!

Rex

[Pinkit]

Hang in there Kebby.  Congrats on the 12 day mark.  It's great that you got that far.  The first time you tried to ride a bike, did you fall?  I'm sure you did, but I bet you got right back on that bike and rode it again until you didn't fall.  Think of it that way.  So what if you relapsed.  Just get right back up, brush yourself off, and start riding again on your rode to recovery.  You can do it!  Don't spend alot of time feeling ashamed that you relapsed.  Just spend that energy on getting clean.  Good luck to you and god bless.

[Rex1]

How the Buprenex going?

Rex

[Rex1]

Hey how have you been - what's up with you lately?

Rex

[Jennibean]

Ok here is the deal like Rex said. You have been filling your body with opiates and when you do that your body stops making it's own endorphins which is our natural pain killers. It can take 6-18 months for our bodies to get back to normal as far as that goes so everybody who has abused opiates will go through some pain during their detox and after. I will tell you what my addictionologist told me. An alcoholic NEVER has an excuse to drink again, it just isn't necessary however opiate addicts may have to use their drug of choice sevral times in their lifetime because of real pain. That makes it hard, we just have to remmember that we are addicts and they suggest that you don't self medicate again, meaning someone else has your bottle of pills and gives them to you, to lower the temptation to abuse them. Now it really sucks that you had to use just 12 days into your detox when clearly you don't have a good run of sobriety that you would be terrified to mess up. I think if we need them several months or even years after our detox we are more likely to give the control of pills to someone else as we have come so far and don't want to start over. And like I told Rex it has alot to do with knowing you have done this to you body and expecting some pain, possibly alot of pain as most of us have real pain issues which is why we started taking these things. We will have to make choices, now when I was clean I made it through a pulled tooth and dry socket with no opiates now dry socket is known to be one of the most painful things that a person can have but my sobriety meant too much to me then and I pulled through it with nothing more than a bunch of ibuprofen because I didn't want to give it all up knowing I was taking a chance of being sucked back in. Now here I am using again and using alot and about to start withdrawal all over again. I just pray it is the last time. I have real horrible pain and have just been told that nobody can cure me or make it better so my detox is going to be horrible as far as pain goes. And I am just telling myself that I have to get through it until my body learns how to handle some pain by itself again. Now you had a sore throat and you used pain medication so forgive yourself immediately! Get over it because guess what the guilt can make us say "screw it I messed up I am not worthy and I will just keep taking these pills". Forgive yoruself!!!!!! Get right back on your program, whatever you program is and continue to get clean don't let this ruin everything you have done! You are worthy but you are also human and you were in pain. I will tell you also what I told Rex though and I worked as a Medical assistant for a long time. Most people do not take Opiates for strept throat yes it hurts but the rest of the world does not reach so easily for opiates, we do and now that we have messed up our bodies it probably did hurt you 10 times more than it would have hurt an opiate naive person. Good Luck to you, I hope that you are feeling better and I hope that you are able to continue on yoru path to freedom from these awful drugs!

Jen

[Rex1]

Catherine,

You said "I'm so glad he's home".  Does he know that? You should tell him -- often, even though he may not deserve it!

I was the addict and my wife was so good to me.  But the best thing that she ever did for me, was to stand behind me and let me know that she loves me that she would help me.

I cannot tell you how much positive energy this gave me, because there was a time when she had the opposite attitude -- you know the hands on the hips thing.  For me anyway, this just made me use more and more.

I think that it is an awesome thing that you are there for him, and if he is like me he will tell you that he will be there for you. Your unrelenting support will be a powerful medicine for him in my humble opinion, and a byproduct of all of this is you may find a strengthened marriage, although I don't know that for sure.  That's just what happened to us...

Thanks for being there for us...

Rex

[lifeisbetter]

The truth is kebby saved my life. She knew for years that I had a problem but since we live in different states she didn't know how bad it had gotten. When she came down to visit family, we got together and she realized how bad it really was. She then worried herself sick for a week until she came up with a way to get me into rehab and find care for my kids. I can absolutely say that I owe her my life. Although I have to say, Now that I think about that visit, I think I gave her some pills. Yeah... yeah... I did! Wait a minute! I know I was pretty messed up so I could be wrong but, kebby, if your reading this, you really have to fess up! Did I give you some? Maybe you've been having a "secret affair" with the pills longer than you realize or want to admit.
Anyway, I hope that is the last time you will ever say your embarassed to admit anything to me. I so understand the call of the pills and would never ever condemn you for a "slip" or...anything I love you I just don't want you to go down the same road I did. As far as what happened yesterday I don't think you relapsed the only bad part was the sneaking and that you wanted it to be more than Darvocet. That's the part you should worry about what would you be doing right now if it had been percocet? Feeling good but sick again next week with no excuse why.
It's never gonna be like it was in the begining, it was never as fun for me once I admitted I had the problem. When I was in rehab they gave me something I think would be great for you to read. I'll look for it and post it so everyone can see it, I think it sums the whole thing up. You are doing great! You've passed up the pills twice in 12 days and said no to the hydro cough medicine try to focus on the positive and just keep going.

[mikey the addict]

First off this is my first answer to a comment on the board. I've been watching it for several weeks and I must say there are some good people with good responses. Iam a recovering addict know for over 1 year, my choice was opiates of any kind, I feel i have learned enough to give an answer to your question on your husband coming home from rehab. first off pat yourself on the back for being supportive, meaning, i hope you hadn't or wont threaten to leave him if he does slip and chances that he will or better put statistics show that it happens more then not. Just keep beening supportive. And yes he will be different, I dont know how long his use and on what but from experince you come home from rehab feeling like you been hit by a truck. He might sit on the couch for days not wanting to do anything, he will be submerge into all the rehab stuff that was giving to him, and hopefully he was in a good rehab center that got him educated about his addiction, his reasons, his feelings, the people he hurt. basically its all text book. And yes hopefully he will have a new NA family, you might feel left out from meetings, new friends, and new ageandas, remember this is all good, over time he could spend more time at work, find time to excirse, which i recomend. he will hopefully find as what we call are " Higher power " remember he is going to feel out of it for awhile, but in a matter of time he's going to change EVERYTHING. I hope this helps?

Mikey the Addict email: ***@****