Withdrawel

[Broken Bones]

Hell-o, Life is a living hell,years of bad injuries, had to take Lortab,ect. It was so bad I made the mistake of getting on Methadone. Traded one nightmare for one that was much worse. I've gotten off methadone and went right back to Lortab 10/650, about 25 a day.I cut back to 14 a day and really want out of this nightmare but it seems the more times you quit, the harder it gets each time and cold turkey is not an option. A bullet would be better.The lower I get, the harder it is.IF I ever get off, the pain from injuries makes life unbearable. Anyone know if there is any way out? Can't take much more.I almost died from the cold turkey method.Also out of money, job, ect. Also, I wanted to say thanks, BEFORE I CRAWL OUT OF MY SKIN...Broken Bones

[mickytim]

Man did you come to the right place in the right time!
You are now amoung like minded people who have ask ourselves the same question many, many, times, and still asked ourselves. Welcome!
Check out alot of the past posts, including my own from not to long ago and you will find many of us who looked into the same mirror and saw and felt the same shame.

I can tell from your honest and heartfelt plee for help, that you will find that the people you will meet here, will give you the best non judgmental advice, and welcome you with open arms as they did myself and all new posters.

You already analized the situation and have taken a big step in asking about it, now comes the hard part in doing something about it and sticking to it( everyone raise your hand if you failed, mine is up a few times ).

You really should ask your Dr about a pain mgmt clinic, and way your options before you start anything drastic if possible.
because as you read on, the next step is a big one and if you want it bad enough, I mean really want it, we are all here to help support you and give you the best ear anytime you need it, that step is getting of the meds.

Don't be ashamed you are amoung friends

Lots of power and strength on your journey!

Peace

mickytim

[constant cycle]

Thanks, I will keep checking your forum and I only wish I had looked online for something like this before.  I guess I have been too ashamed to admit my problem to the world.  Only someone that has been there can understand.

Thanks,
constant cycle

[katie r]

Hello Everyone! Well, one of two things is happening to me. Either I am having NO withdrawals or Thomas's recipe really works!  Since I was taking 15-20 lortab's (10/500) a day...it must be the recipe! I took my last dose of lortabs yesterday morning....last night I was experiencing clammy skin and a few other signs of withdrawals. This morning I started on the "cold turkey recipe" and I feel fine right now. I didn't have any valium but I started on the L-Tyrosine and the B-6 and the others and I actually feel normal. Usually by this point I'm laying on the couch, wallowing in self pity, making calls to people to see if they have "a couple vicadins" and wishing I could climb right out of my skin.I'll post again tomorrow and let you know how it's going. Witchy woman??? I sent you an email last night.....did you get it? Ok folks...later! And Thomas....thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you.

[constant cycle]

Why do I keep doing this to myself?  It all started innocently enough back in the mid 80's when I got hurt at work and was prescribed Vicodin for the pain.  Being on workman's comp the doctor, therapist and pharmacy were more than happy to keep me supplied with plenty of Vicodin long after I really needed to take them.  I had no idea that "addiction" meant that the body physically craves the narcotic and all the will power in the world will do you no good.  I found out the hard way that codeine is PHYSICALLY addicting and your body "needs" it or you get really sick and suffer terrible withdrawal.  Since that time, I have been injured a number of times and been prescribed codeine for the pain.  Of course, I soon found out that I loved the euphoric feeling it gave me and the fact that it seemed to give me energy.  Since the mid 80's I have been actively addicted most of the time.  I have been through withdrawals so many times that I cannot even remember the number.  Of course, each time I swear to myself that I will never ever touch the damn stuff again and then something happens.  It could be a stressful situation or pain from some of my old injuries but next thing I know I am doing the "doctor circuit" going from doc to doc and eating more and more codeine every day.  I finally got up to taking 15-20 Lortab 10/500's a day and a script of 100 sure doesn't last very long.  Now that I am just about totally broke I know that I cannot keep it up and in fact I was tapering off slowly but still suffering from symptoms.  I made it down to taking only six tabs per day.  This being a holiday weekend I knew that I did not have enough to get through till I could see the doc again.  In a total panic, I kept calling the doctor and he finally gave me 40 to last until Tuesday (tomorrow) when I have an appointment with him.  Of course, having that many pills let me "reward myself" for being so good at getting down to six per day.  I know now that I will just have to start this whole process all over again.  Why do I keep doing this to myself?  I know that I am prolonging my suffering but I have already taken nine today and it is all I can do to keep from taking another handful.  Yeah, right now I "feel" pretty good but I will be paying a very high price in more ways than one before this week is out.  For twelve long years I have been doing this to myself and living a lie.  Only one other person knows (my brother) and he is in even worse shape than I am with the painkillers.  Right now we are both in the same boat and thank God that I have him to talk to.  NO ONE that has not been through this can POSSIBLY understand just how bad this is.  Most of the time I don't even want to live.  I look in the mirror and hate myself for being so weak.  I just want to give up.  There is no way that I can keep on living like this.

[Witchywoman]

Hey there Kristen,
It is so good that you told us about your relapse, rather than keeping it to yourself. That is the best thing to do...let it out, and keep working on taming the Dragon, as Wiz would say. Trying to stay clean is hard enough when life is going smoothly, I'm sure it is harder still when you are dealing with the pain of a bad relationship.

I hope you don't mind if I'm a bit blunt here..but from what you have written to us about your boyfriend, it doesn't sound like this relationship is one that is really healthy and good for you. He's broken up with you at least one, or two other time recently, if I remember your past posts correctly, and it has never sounded like he truly supports living a life of recovery and health.  I know it is easy to say this from my perspective, and a lot harder to live through..believe me..I do know.  But I hear such a striving for freedom and I see such a strength in you..I think you deserve better than how he's been treating you.

Hang in there Kristen..we are here for you, and I just want to thank you for your honestly.

love,
WW

[susanlea]

Are you ok?  Please take care of yourself.  I know not having your boyfriend for love and support hurts.  Was he addicted to pain meds or any other drug?  Why did he leave?  Be strong and pray.  Stay on the forum for support.  Get your head and body cleaned of the meds and then think about him.  I survived a boyfriend of 6 years who was addicted to oxy's and methadone, he went into detox, came out and relapsed very long story.  My kids and I put up with verbal and emotional abuse from him.  He lied, stole my meds, withdrew from us and punished us.  I don't know how your boyfriend treated you, but if he knows what you are going through and is not there to support you and care for you he sounds alot like my ex.  In a few months you will see how much better off you are without him.  If he hurt you and it makes you want to take pills to numb the pain there is something wrong here.  Everyone here will be there for you.  Look into your soul and get yourself to an AA or NA meeting.  You need a sponser, someone you can call and see to be there with you.  It's hard enough to go through the withdrawals cold turkey.  It would be ideal if you could go into a detox center, but I realize this isn't always possible.   I go to Al-anon and now I sponser others.  I am involved with a program for recovering addicts and some have told me that when they were having bad withdrawals they would watch some religous channels.  They said it took their mind of their pain because of all the positive energy.  Take care of yourself, make sure you drink plenty of Gatorade and eat if you can.  Nourishment will help ease the withdrawals and their symptoms.  Everyone knows if you eat alot it makes it easier to sleep.  Take care my friend and I am here.....God bless you.....Susan