38 days clean..

[doingitalone]

well, its been a rough ride. my husband quit two weeks ago, he is on day 17, and i'm at day 38.. things were going great, we were happy to quit.. and now there is a TON of stress in our lives. for the past 3 days i have been thinking of opiates NON stop, i've been in such a terrible, terrible mood that i can't lift myself out of. called my dealer yesterday.. thank GOD he didn't answer because i would probably be going back to him right now and getting more.. starting the cycle all over again..

might need to leave the country, my husband is from the middle east and our immigration paperwork was not filed correctly.. i do not want to go to the mideast... omg i have so much anxiety about this i'm going insane, i can't stop crying, why why why

[doingitalone]

thank you so much laurel453, you're right. i am still dealing with life without substances, and it feels great. i love the fact that i have so many new doors to open now that i'm clean. :)

[laurel453]

Big Congrata, doingitalone.. i am also so glad that your dealer didn't call you back, you can see that you can do it without him or the pills. I am sure that you thought you couldn't and then you phone him and see... you are still clean and dealing with life without any substance, it can be done !! On the other issue, there are some uncertain things when going to a different country.. go there with an open mind and if it doesn't work for you, there is always another door to open... stay clean to open all the doors you can find in the future, pls :)

[doingitalone]

thank you so much for your inspiring words, newlifeahead. all of my life, since puberty, i have sought to get out of my head.. my own thoughts feel alien to me and when tough times come up, i feel like i cannot handle life with out something to take the edge of. what i really need to do instead of running to substances is find the reason WHY i'm running to substances. the country we would be moving to in the mideast has no temptations or substances that can be abused, so in a way i think if we do have to move to the middle east, it is God's way of helping be become a clean person again. i only wish my family would be supportive of our move there, how it would help us both conquer this demon of addiction without always living in the temptation of "can i get one..." thanks for listening, and again, thanks for your support.

[newlifeahead]

so sry to hear this... on the flip side congrats on the clean time:) It is hard when we have stressors come into our lives that is where the real challenge lies. I am sooooo glad ur dealer didnt answer going backwards will do NOTHING for u think of what u went through to get this far. If i hate seeing anything it is people with all this clean time thinking of using OH MY GOSH dont we think about what we went through to get this far?? me included... i NEVER want to exp those days again... we HAVE to learn how to deal w life w out taking a pill other people  do it there are lots of people that dont use anything... i myself have given my life to God and that is what has done it for me i am TIRED of fighting this stuff myslef when we simply dont have too. i hope u dont use it will make u VERY depressed and u will prob hate urself for it. I promise u it wont do for u what u rthinking it will.... so please reconsider do what u have to do to get through it but DONT USE... praying for u keep posting