a love letter from addiction

[jenny8575309]

I am the one who will always hold you when your down.  I’ll love you like no lover ever loved you.  I’ll take all your pain away, make you happy for as long as I can.    I’ll never judge you or laugh at you the way people will.  I’ll always just make you feel as good as you’ll let me.  I’ll protect you from self-criticism.  I’ll always take your side against society.  I alone understand you, and I alone can heal you.  I’m magic, I can make you feel any way you want.  I can make you an artist,  I can help you to draw and write, and think more creatively.  I can give you energy so you can clean your house and be a good mom.  I can make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and oh so comfortable.  I can make you feel like your sleeping on the clouds, so at peace that you’ll never want to wake up.  I can even make you feel like your all-powerful, like you can be anyone and do anything!  I can make you feel like your on top of a train speeding through the night.  I can make you the sexiest girl in the world, the best dancer, the best kisser, the best lover.   I can make other people like you, make you wittier and  more fun to be around.  If only you’ll let me, I promise you the world.  Just close your eyes and let me.  Why would you forsake me?  I’ll never forsake you.  I’ll just take a few things in return for all the wonderous things I’ve given you, but the price isn’t too high to pay is it when I’ve given you everything you’ve ever wanted.  First of all I need money, All that you have should do for now, and when you run out, don’t worry I’ll help you find some more, that’s what friends are for right?  Don’t be upset my darling, but  I’m going to need your self respect also, but as soon as you feed me, you won’t have to worry about that nagging little hang-up any longer.  You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours that’s right.  This one may hurt a little, but I think your children should go live with your mom.  They always get in the way, and they don’t listen to you anyway, I love you, but let’s face it you’re no mother, and I for one can do without the daily dose of guilt, they seem so happy to inflict on you.  I know you love them, and you can see them whenever you want.  You’d be a better big sister.  We’re going to have so much fun, and be so happy together, a vacation every day.  This is the life!  It’ll be like Mardi-Gras some days, when we’ll party till we’re exhausted, celebrating being alive, dancing and spinning till we’re dizzy, and some days it’ll be like we’re sleeping with beautiful angels that will never forsake us.  Remember I’ll give you all these things and more, in exchange for just a few things.  You never have to be alone, but you have to make the effort to keep me too.  You must do you part, and if you slack on your part, then I’ll have to go away for a little while, and I know you’ll miss me. You’ll miss me like you’ve never missed anyone.  You’ll long for me when I’m gone.  When I’m gone your heart and soul will feel empty and barren.  Your memory and your damned conscience will taunt and tease you.  There will be pain when your missin me, but that’s love baby.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I make you a promise to be available to you day and night, I’ll do my part if you do yours ok?  Another thing I feel I should mention before this relationship goes much further, I know we have enemies, like your conscience, but I’ll do my part to fight that.  I’ll chip away at it daily with reasoning and justification. You’re mine, you belong to me.  I will not share you, or have you thinking about leaving me, if you do, I’ll find out and you won’t like the results.  I can’t have anyone trying to steal you away from me, you’re my child, and I will protect you, I am all you need, all you want, what more could you want?  I’ve loved you since you were born, I knew you were made for me.    Don’t ever think that your strong enough to fight me, you we’re nothing before you met me, you were miserable.  Unless you hold me close you’ll be miserable until the day you die, because Life hurts so bad, it always has, and it always will, but I make you a promise here and now to give you comfort and joy, and to ease your lonliness.  I’ll be there for you, if you’ll be there for me.  I leave you now until we meet again, but this I swear to you, no matter how you neglect me, or if you fight me, I’ll always be with you, I’ll never leave you.  

Forever yours,

-Addiction

[cheripie]

I just want to say thanks! This is my first time here and I will definitely be recommending this site to others thanks to you! I was in a really bad place until I read what you wrote today and then what you posted from yesterday. Now I know that I am on the path to the true me again and that there is no way that I am going to give up. I do not want to live this way for the rest of my life. I want addiction to be a fading memory not a recurring deja vu.

[JDRMinSD]

ouch

[udoschoices]

50 Cent - A Baltimore Love Story...  'nuff said (even if you don't listen to rap music)

She loves me, she loves me not (yeah)
She loves me not
The fiends need me
I aint around, they bones ache
Detox, rehab, cold sweats, watch them shake
I’m not that genie in a bottle, I’m in a bag
Take one hit and slide off to the Land of H man
When we first met, I thought you never doubt me
Now you tryin’ to leave me, you never live without me
Girl I’m missing you, come and see me soon
Tie your arm up ; put that lighter under that spoon
Now put that needle to ya arm princess
Stick it in, relapse
I’m back b*$ch, don’t ever try that again
All the s*%t I did for you, I made you feel good
We have a love thing, you treatin’ this like it’s just a fling
What we have is more sacred than a vow or a ring
You broke my heart you dirty b*&ch
I won’t forget what you did
If you give birth, I’ll already be in love with your kids
Listen I don’t give a damn if your *** starts smokin’
But we have a bond that is not to be broken

Chorus 2x
We got a love thing
Girl you tried to leave me but you need me
Can you see you’re addicted to me ?
We got a love thing
I can take ya higher girl
F#$kin’ with me, you can be all you can be

- Verse 2-
Baby you know, on the low, ya sister been eyein’ me
I’m good lookin’, so you know so she be tryin’ me
Heard she bi-sexual, she f#$k what that girl
But boy oh boy, f#$kin’ wit me is a whole ’nother world
After that first night she fall in love, then chase the feelin
I hung out with Marvin when he wrote Sexual Healing
Kurt Cobain, we were good friends, Ozzy Osbourne too
I be with rock stars, see you lucky I’m f#$kin’ with you
I chilled with Frankie Lymon and Jimi Hendrix crew
See this is new to you, but to me this aint new
I live the lavish life
Listen if the mood is right
Me you and ya sister can do the do tonight
I never steer you wrong, if you hyper I make you calm
I’ll be your incentive and your reason to make you move on
Let’s make a date, promise you’ll come to see me
Even if it means you have to sell ya mama’s TV
I love you, love me back
No one said lovin’ me be easy

Chorus 2x
We got a love thing
Girl you tried to leave me but you need me
Can you see you’re addicted to me ?
We got a love thing
I can take ya higher girl
F#$kin’ with me, you can be all you can be

- Verse3 -
I love you
I gotchu’ bad footed on glass
Chasin a dove
That monkey on ya back symbolizes my love
Your friends talk bad about me, *****
You sit there and listen to them
Over and over you hurt me
My love is unconditional
They talk to you when you up
When you down, then they got nothin’ to say
But when you call up, I come runnin’
I always take the pain away
They set you up to let you down
You crowned, you prom queen
They know bout me behind your back
Call you a f#$kin’ fiend
We just need to be alone so I can kiss and hug you
Push me inside you
No other man can love you like I do
Call me daddy, I’ll make you feel good, I mean real good
I find pleasure in pleasing you like a real man should
It was written long before us, it was carved in a tree
Forever me and you baby, we were meant to be
There’s more to life than laughter, what brought us together was fate
But we’ll be hand in hand when you walk through those pearly gates
I’ma see to that, I’ma do whatever it takes

Chorus 2x
We got a love thing
Girl you tried to leave me but you need me
Can you see you’re addicted to me ?
We got a love thing
I can take ya higher girl
F#$kin’ with me, you can be all you can be

[jenny8575309]

I hate anyone who claims to have a "program".  I despise any and all references to a "Higher Power” To all those who come in contact with me - I wish you and your family shame, humiliation, and intense suffering.  With your unwitting co-operation, I bring you hell on earth.

Allow me to introduce myself.  I am the ancient disease of addiction.  I am rightfully called cunning, baffling and powerful, but this is a gross underestimation of me.  I have killed millions of men, woman and children in ways that absolutely defy the imagination.  Most often I slowly drown your soul before grinding down your wasted body.  I gleefully ruin your reputation, self-concept and self-esteem.  I specialize in marital, family, and child trauma.  I leave them all with anxiety, fear and troubled dreams.  I poison all with calculated efficiency and precision.  My commitment to you and your loved ones' degradation and destruction is absolute.  

I am the absolute maser of disguise and seduction.  I mask myself as your lover, your best friend, and your "ace in the hole".  With great stealth I invade your rationality.  I initially seduce you with instant gratification, with a feeling of peace, a feeling of belonging.  I pose as being able to help you cope better, relate to others better and even to work better.  I present myself as needed "fuel" for your creativity, your industry and your social and intellectual ability.  I make you feel painfully inadequate without me.  Toward the end, you will consider dying if you are separated from me.  

I am perfect and breathtaking in my pursuit of your mind, body and soul.  I am more powerful than your love and commitment to friends, family, spouse, freedom or life itself.  You will compromise every decent value you have to serve me.  I have established myself a velvet throne within your brain.  I have imprisoned the real you.  From now on your countenance and actions will mirror my malignance.  I will become your flesh.

I never grow weak.  I never sleep.  I am totally aware at all times.  I know where your weakest point is.  I tempt and taunt you in your dreams.  I can only be exposed by other humans and I can only be displaced by your awareness and action I can't stand the light of day.  I am intolerant of direct exposure.  I hate anyone or anything that has the audacity to challenge my ownership of you.  I will rage and fight bitterly to keep you.  If possible I will kill you rather than let you be possessed by the real you again.  I use you to defend me against those that try to help you.  Such audacity is mine alone.

I am known as being jealous and demanding.  You will offer all of you to me as I dictate.  You will lie, steal, cheat, scam, assault and humiliate yourself and others in order to serve me.  You will believe in your own lies.  I absolutely will not tolerate the disobedience of my subjects.  You may at times catch a horrifying glimpse of me and try to run away.  You may make these pathetic attempts again and again.  But you can never run fast enough because you carry me with you.  I control you completely.  Yet I am not satisfied with the extent of the corruption that I cause within you.  I want more.  I want it now and I won't stop shrieking within the back of your mind until I get it.

I refuse to participate with you.  I flatly refuse to be moderated by you in any way.  I will only consent to outright ownership of you.  All of you.  Completely.  24 hours a day until your "untimely death” I refuse to make "deals" with you.  I will not make any exception for you.  I am triumphant and pure in my malignance and destruction.  I will not answer to you.  I will not consult you.  I will never, ever ask for your opinion or permission.  Let me make this clear.  You will forsake all other things, people and places for me.  I am relentless in my quest for you.  I can strike as fast as a rattler, or I can torment you for decades.  Of this be sure -as long as you live- I exist.

Foolish people do not take me seriously.  They take strokes, cancer and heart attacks seriously.  This is fine with me.  Ignorance allows me to flourish unchallenged.  I have been killing people like you for millennia.  I am a disease of the mind, body, character, and soul.  How unique.  The success of my corruption lies within your ignorance of who I am and what I do.  I want you to believe that you alone are more powerful than me.  I want you to believe that you alone are the exception to the rule.  I whisper these lies into your mind with a furious consistency.  I make your enemies your friends.  I make your friends your enemies.  Your understanding of me is bound up in your shame and your elective ignorance.  I make you defensive and angry.  I make you feel self-pity, that "no one understands you".  I make you believe in your own lies.  I make you believe that you should be judged by you intentions, not your actions.  I make you alone even in the midst of your own family. Suicide is the only options I won't deny you.

Even your own society protects me and my own deviously murderous ways.  Well meaning people tell you that I am caused by your supposedly "addictive personality", your previous painful experiences, your maladaptive ways or your inability to think properly.  Others tell you that I am caused by your supposed "bad character” or your alleged "immorality".  I am again underestimated.  Listen Now, I CAUSE PAIN, PAIN DOES NOT CAUSE ME!  Actually, I come to you in the form of a genetic fragment.  You are born with me.  I come alive with the exposure to drugs and alcohol.  I am the source of your dis-ease.  People confuse me with an elective disease.  This philosophy keeps you in shame and within my grasp.  I will own your life and gleefully engineer your death.  I am the source of your moral and spiritual poverty.  I revel in your ignorance.

I take the young and the old.  Men and women, the healthy and the infirm.  The wealthy, the poor and the middle class.  I lay claim to all those within my grasp.  I'll take those of all races, all tastes, all customs and beliefs.  The moralist, the achievers, the intellectuals, and those of high willpower are those that I enjoy the most.  Yet I take it all.  I am an equal opportunity destroyer.

Now hear me well: Stay away from those loathsome Twelve Step people.  I hate those mealy-mouthed recovery people.  I despise their stupid meetings, their laughter, their freedom and their "Higher Power” I hate all they stand for.  They do not fear me.  Don't listen to them.  Disregard them.  Make fun of them.  They have the audacity to illuminate me.  Only their damned steps can take away from me what I have perfected.  They disprove me, expose me, and bring other people in to contact with you.  It is unacceptable.

I will always fight them as well.  You didn't need these people before.   You don't need them now.  I warn you - if you abandon me for these people and your new found freedom, I will wait for you to make a mistake so I can return you to your ragged, tumbling hell.  I don't forgive.  You have been warned.  Until then, I wish you misery, suffering, and death.

[JDRMinSD]

Yea, that was it, if you could that would be great!  I really appreciate all the kind and uplifting words from everyone here and that "I AM YOUR DISEASE" one was recommended to me by a couple of folks, so thanks in advance!

[jenny8575309]

oh I know what you mean... I posted this other thing yesterday called I AM YOUR DISEASE I didn't write that one, I came across it and thought it may help someone. I did write the one above tho.  I'll repost it for you ok?

[JDRMinSD]

interesting-
yesterday someone told me to go find a letter written by someone I thought, named Jenny, I might have gotten the name wrong but it sounded like it would be this.  Sorry...

[jenny8575309]

Huh?  I just wrote this today, not yesterday.

[JDRMinSD]

thanks for re-posting for us new-bies.  I looked around for that yesterday and couldn't find it and here it is, my day #2.  Like a gift from nowhere....right when I needed it.

[AlessandrasMom]

I love this.  I have printed it to read over and over in hopes that something will get through to me.  It kind of reminds me of the song "Master of Puppets" by Metallica.  I heard it for the first time in ages last Friday on my way home from work and it seems to be my anthem right now I hate to say.
Keep going Jenny!

[BlotOutTheSun]

Don't know what's going on, Don't know what went wrong, Feels like a hundred years I, Still can't believe you're gone, So I'll stay up all night, With these bloodshot eyes, While these walls surround me with the story of our life. I feel so much better, Now that you're gone forever, I tell myself that I don't miss you at all, I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now, That you're gone forever

Now things are coming clear, And I don't need you here, And in this world around me, I'm glad you disappeared, So I'll stay out all night, Get drunk and ******* fight, Until the morning comes I'll
Forget about our life, I feel so much better, Now that you're gone forever, I tell myself that I don't miss you at all, I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now, That you're gone forever

First time you screamed at me, I should have made you leave, I should have known it could be so much better, I hope you're missing me, I hope I've made you see, That I'm gone forever, And now it's coming clear, That I don't need you here, And in this world around me, I'm glad you disappeared, I feel so much better, Now that you're gone forever, I tell myself that I don't miss you at all, I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now, That you're gone forever, And now you're gone forever
And now you're gone forever

[BlotOutTheSun]

i want a divorce from you addiction, your not very nice, this sounds like a one-way relationship to me, i dont like being controlled, ive had enough of you!!

ITS ALL OVER!!!!