alcoholism

[taysmommy]

hello all, im new to this forum, i a really worried about a friend of mine, she and i used to go out and drink all the time, but after i met my husband 4 years ago, ive been done with all that, i love her dearly and want to help her, lately her life has been a wreck, shes oded on pills, gotten beaten up by guys and girls, got a dui, basically her life is a disaster, she wants help, she came over today, drunk as ever, crying because her mom says shes an alchoholic, and honestly i dont have any idea what to say to her, i dont want to preach to her, although someone should, she says she wants help, but is not willing to enter treatment, what do you say to someone who you love so much that will help them? i know its all up to her to change, but she needs someone to talk some sense into her and im really at a loss here, any words of wisdom?

[DoubleInTrouble]

Hi TLCMeds
Im a 29yr old female alcoholic and also addicted to norcos and I do mix them both and have noticed that I'm starting to do really dangerous things like take to many norcos when I drink.
My dad is alcoholic and I have struggled with alcohol since a teen, I went cold turkey with the alcohol for 4 yrs until 2 ago when I started taking norcos. 8 months after starting norcos2-3 a day, I started drinking again, it went from binge drinking to now I drinking almost everyday, except the last 2 days I have not drank or took any norcos , but when I drink I take a lot more norcos, I really can't say how many exactly I blackout a lot , but when I wake up the next morning I feel like death! I really want to quit and am trying but I have tries multiple times and seem to fail after 2 wks -month, I really feel a lot of depression and anxiety. Do u think it would be a good idea to her on non narcotic anxiety or depression pills for a while, I really hate to have to take another pill and very scared of starting another addiction but right now I feel like I might need to bcuz my cravings get very strong due to my depression and anxiety , my life has turned so bad, my financial , relationship with my husband is so negative , I just feel I'm in a very bad place in life , I feel worthless. Helpless , ashamed , guilt and just plain sad, Iam nothing like I use to be full of energy life and happiness even with life's un fairness but I was sober and I just want my sober life back but it's so hard.

[TLCMeds]

I agree with a lot of what was posted by girlybuff. Taysmommy, you said specifically she doesn't want treatment. It is great to make strong suggestions, but until she's ready you can talk until you're blue in the face. It may be frustrating and taxing on you, and just be careful not to be an enabler. I don't mean by taking her out to bars or lying for her, I mean pretending that your friendship is just fine and no matter what she does you'll accept her. Now, I don't mean that the way it sounds. You love and support her, but be clear that the behavior is not acceptable to you and that it is harmful to her and everyone around her. It's a fine line. As an alcoholic you alienate a lot of people, and you need people to be there and be tough. However, I do think years of hand holding, me getting all depressed and crying and begging for people to stay with me... them telling me it would all be ok... kept me from recovery. I made a lot of excuses and people helped with the excuses. I would lie to myself, and I'd fall flat on my face over and over. Be a good friend, but don't be a bandaid. You want to protect the wound, but it's not treating the problem. Be the strong example she needs. Good luck, you're a great friend.

[girlybuff]

AA is free.  She doesn'th ave to share withanyone or speak.  The only requirement to attend meetings is a desire to stop drinking.  You need to let her attend thos on her own.  They saved my life and Al A Non saved my mother's life and my husband's.
Everyone's bottom is different.  I'll pray that her bottom isn't that bad.  There is hope.  She can do it but not alone.  
You go to meetings and you leanr to listen and listen to learn.  I was lucky enough to hear what I needed to hear when I first started going.
I have a lot of yets.... like I've yet to be arrested or yet to get truly ill, but I lost myself and the will to go on and until I got sober and got to know me, not just the me that constantly felt sorry for herself, I didn't know what life was about.
I owe everything I am today inside to AA.
Tell her not to quit before the miracle happens.  Tell her 90 meetings in 90 days is a great start and to get a spnsor right away.

Here is a website on AA and local meetings:
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org

Here is Al a Non:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

She can go to Al a no, although she should just stick with AA but you should not go to AA unless it's an open meeting.  It's a private thing and unless you have a problem with drinking, you shouldn't go.

[taysmommy]

thank you.....i am definatly willing to attend meetings to help her, it makes sense she needs to hit rock bottom, i thought she was there a long time ago, im scared to know what her "bottom" is, im going to talk with her tomorrow about AA meetings, do you know if churches offer free counceling? she is basically broke,and if i could i would help her with that, but im a stay at home mom who goes to school, so i dont really have much $, and are AA meetings free as well? and congrats to you on recovering, i hope shes there soon, i will give her your email address, so if she needs someone to talk to, thank you so much your a sweetheart=)

[girlybuff]

You CAN go but ONLY to an OPEN meeting.  They arelisted as "O" on the website.
Good luck.

[taysmommy]

im glad you told me not to go, because i was going to tell her i would go with her...thats why i love the forum, support for those who want to support somebody....lol thanks again

[girlybuff]

Hi.  I'm a recovering alcoholic, clean 5 years.  There is nothing anyone can say to make her see the light.  You can talk to you're blue in the face but if she doesn't see a problem and if she doesn't admit that her life has become unmanageable (step 1) then nothing will help her.
She needs to hit a bottom and realize for herself that she needs to make a change.
I do suggest that you speak to her about possibly attending an AA meeting where three is a good chance she will hear something that hits home and to which she can identify.  ALso, if you are truly concerned, maybe get yourself to an Al-A-Non meeting to learn more about the disease of alcoholism and learn how to live with an alcoholic in your life.
My name is Tara and I'm at ***@**** if you need to talk.  Also, if your friend wants an unbiased opinion or someone to talk to her about the program, I am more than willing.
Best to you,
T.