emotional impotence

[hellc@mst]

i noticed my emotional armour is paper thin lately and its starting to become problematic.my missus has been goin thru some messy family stuff and she finally cracked this evening.we were talkin.shootin the breeze then her voice begins to crack,eyes water.im watchin.listenin and i feel my body tense up and almost flinch.i didnt know what to do.hell i dont think twice about giving a panhandler sum loose change but ask me to hug/comfort the woman i love when she absolutely needs it the most and im a wreck.

[avisg]

hellc@mst, sometimes we just need a hug or someone to listen too us, being told things will get better and that we are loved. Men tend to have the" I want to fix what is hurting you "thing cuz thats they way men work ,We most of the time can work thru our sadness and pain just having someone there to tell us it will get better is enough.  My hubby has the same issue he hates it when i cry and has no clue what to do , I think it great to you realize she is hurting .
Avis

[mom2rachie]

I was a very loved child.  I got a lot of attention and being an only child, I received lots of hugs and kisses.  I am an addict.  For whatever reason, I stopped liking those things.  I stopped allowing people in.
I think it's the addict in us who is so used to having our guard up that comes out in situations you described.  I'm in program, have been through therapy, recognize the problem and still, I can be a bit cold.
The only one I want to give hugs and ksises to is my daughter.  My poor husband.  I try to be conscious ofit and I try tomakeit better but sometimes the addict gets the best of me.

[hellc@mst]

thanx heaps guys.i still feel like an @ss but not so bad.i guess its just nice to b heard/acknowledged.
regards J        

[athena-8]

My husband has the same issue--gets uncomfortable when I cry. He has explored this w/a men's group he's a part of and determined that there is a part of him that is taking the crying personally, even if it's not about him. Does that ring a bell? Just wanted to toss that out there. You're a brave man to share these feelings w/us and I hope you find some answers. I think it's painful to be on both sides of that situation-the man feeling paralyzed in his discomfort, and the woman seeking comfort and tenderness but ending up empty-handed.

Best of Luck,

--AThena

[Marce4]

Do you think it is a male issue or the drugs?  I sometimes felt emiotionally empty and just void of caring about what my husband was feeling when I put him through this ****.  Feeling this way made me feel like a piece of ****!  I mean I was the one who screwed up and he was upset and I couldn't even comfort him.  I don't know!  I thing the drugs can make us emotionally barren!  Thanks so much for having the strength to share that!!!!!
Marcie

[avisg]

AThena,  goodmorning :) happy sunday ...my hubby is so the same way
Avis