help..about my brother

[tkerns]

New here, and i'm here regarding my 30 year old brother.  I think he has relapsed and is doing drugs again, which ones i don't know, only that cocaine was his choice drug a  few years ago.  the only signs i have other than my GUT is:   He is extremely volatile, violent, issues with groups of people who have threatened his fiance, child, and mother, people breaking into his car but he does[jt cll the police instead he text messages them with a threat;  threatened me (his sister) regarding babysitting; no job, but has money, lying over just about anything small or large; withdrawn from family, reactions are overly exggerated...vey odd.  stays up most all nights; can[t wake him in the morning....

His fiance and 19 month old daughter live in the same house....fiance says my brother is in the basement and she and baby are upstairs, she asks no questions and pretends all is fine....recently he passed a kidney stone, the hospital asked him to filter it so they could test it but he refused ?????why???

this is all i have to go on, other than when i mention or ask a question he flips out and begins cussing at me all while denying....doesn[t quite seem appropriate to act that way???

any advice, thoughts, etc would be appreciated!

[tkerns]

no he lives in the house with his fiance and daughter (19 months) he is in complete denial....after he cussed me out when i asked who this person was at his house at 3 am (not normal to me during the week and with a child and fiancee upstairs, but to each their own) he began yelling at me saying i am not allowed to ask questions, he pays for my service as a sitter therefore i am a servant...cussing throughout.  The next day threatening me.  

Then last friday asking what happened from the week before to this week that i would tell them i was going to stop sitting for them at the end of this year (2 months notice)...he called me and yelled on my message recorder, calling me all sorts of names, problem is i couldn[t get it turned down fast enough and my children heard him.  Thats when i said i was no longer sitting from that point on and didn[t want anything to do with the chaos.....his fiancee is lying, she is in complete and utter denial, and afraid to question him as he is so volatile when you do ask questions.  

that is their life, what i am concerned about is my god-daughter who IS a baby and has no say.....i have no concrete evidence and have no idea how to find some and what to do to help.  My parents both say there is no concrete evidence so my mother would rather believe he is sober.  My brother has spent he past week yelling the same way at my father who is now throwing his arms up!

How do I help....all of you who really understand how this addiction works....how do I offer help???  and if its only if he wants it and he DOES NOT....what about the child involved and without concrete evidence...what do i do??

I have no understanding of addiction....other than to my children i have never been addicted to anything....gambling, alcohol, cigarettes, nothing, I am completely at a loss and totally in the dark.

it is easy for me to spout off things about quitting, etc....but never having walked in those shoes nor had to quite an addiction it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to truly understand.

I know its not him....but is there a way to find him again?  any additional advice I would be sooo appreciative!

[Lotsatrout]

I mean he doesn't realize what he's doing in the way that he is treating your family.  Does he live in the house?  I sure hope not.  

[Lotsatrout]

Sure sounds like it...  Those aren't normal attitudes and reactions to normal day life in someone who is sober.  I can tell you that I get the same way in certain areas of my life when I'm "active" and I think that many others wouild tell you the same thing.  Drugs really do a number on our brains.  It's as though it gets "rewired" and only the user thinks it was "rewired" in a good way.  He probably doesn't even realize what he's doing.  Sometimes we don't realize these things until we become sober.  

Trout