Painkillers, crystal meth, and alcohol

[Bernie P]

My daughter recently began dating a 36-year old man who has admitted to having an addiction to painkillers.  In the short time they have been dating, he's admitted to cocaine use (supposedly hasn't done any in a year), and confessed to liking to do crystal meth every once in a while.  He has been on crystal meth while he has been with her; even disappeared during a dinner party with other friends to do crystal meth.  He has had wild mood swings, been very hyper, mumbles, etc.  Now, he swears he is off everything except painkillers.  She says he has cut way down, and she has bought all his stories.  He also drinks alcohol frequently.

She has been dating him for just a few months, and she has broken up with him twice.  They are back together again, and I am terrified for her.  I don't believe this guy.....is it realistic to think it is possible to wean yourself off painkillers in just a week or two?  And, can you just take crystal meth occassionally without becoming addicted?  And, what about mixing all of these things, including alcohol?

[Sixfooter87]

RUN DON'T WALK away from this guy! (With your daughter over your shoulder)

I am in my mid-twenties, but when I was 19, I dated a man in his thirties who claimed to have a "casual relationship" with crystal meth when we met. I can say from experience a few things:
1) that's what he wanted to tell my parents and did tell my friends
2) that's what his brave and dumb friends told people (all addicts)
3) that isn't possible
4) if I hadn't run when I did, I may have fallen pray to it

Meth is disgusting, habit forming, and contagious among friends. Everyone he knew said "oh, yeah, so and so got me to try it and I just like myself on  it so much better" but they don't realize that they look ridiculous (winking & fidgeting) and that they don't necessarily have the highest brain function. (because meth LITERALLY destroys your brain from the inside. Meth users' (I say "meth users" instead of "people on meth" because there's no such thing as casual use) brains rarely last very long, and they age so quickly it's insane! It's probably because the crap is made of drain cleaner, cold meds, cleaning fluid, and other chemical stuff manufactured for cars and kitchens and bathrooms!

There's NO such thing as a casual user-there can be low-level users but that doesnt generally last long.

it's almost as bad as heroin. I think it's actually worse because it's a creepy sneaky brain murderer, and when people see their friends on heroin and go "holy crap I don't ever want to be like that" but if a person sees a friend on meth they don't look as bad nearly as fast and they seem to be having fun instead of just "relieving a fix" like heroin users do... So meth habits literally spread through groups like wildfire! I don't know ANY coupthat with one person on it that have a good relationship unless they're both users! The reason we broke up was because I realized that MY life had become about HIS habit and about abstaining from trying it! I realized that in less than a year my group of friends had gone from "I don't know any street drug users" to "yeah I'm the only person I hang out with that doesn't have a habit" and I had started taking care of literally everybody and I had placated and enabled all of their habits! And I realized that it was no wonder he wanted me to use, he had no idea what it was like to live without someone enabling his habit! He lost jobs, finally lost his apartment & had to come live with me, stole from me, and when I finally kicked him out he moved in with four girls who all had habits and lived on their sofa for six months! It's a happiness-sucking lifestyle of a drug. If you have further questions you should Hulu or google some episodes of intervention with meth users featured! It's NOT something you can just use occasionally-I've been there for people's "firsts" and I don't know anyone whose stopped since the first use.

The only "old meth users" around have started old. It's SO devastating! For more info and photos I found you a great example website;
http://www.rehabs.com/explore/meth-before-and-after-drugs/infographic.html

[vicaddict]

Oh good, phew! lol

And your so very welcome. How r things?

[Bernie P]

You're right....I'm a mother.  Thanks for your response.

[vicaddict]

I am sorry if I referred to you as a mother, and not father. Although I may still be wrong, LOL.. Can never tell by just a scree name.
In any case, I just wanted to apologize if I referred to you as mother and you are indeed the father.
I do hope things get better for you and your family.

:)

[green eyed lady]

Hi Bernie...I just wanted to add my 2 cents...
I have very recently ended a sick relationship with my BF of 3 yrs. He is an alcoholic and crackhead, and while I don't think he's done meth that dosen't matter because addiction is addiction in no matter what form.

Please, Please, Please do WHATEVER it takes to get your daughter away from this man...if she stays with him her future will be jeoprodized...she is setting herself up for a life of lies, deceit, betrayal and potential harm. And if this man has a lot of toys and nice things it makes me think that maybe he is doing something illegal and if he's not dealing than I guarrantee that his addictions will progress to the point of him losing everything! It's just the way the monster progresses.

I really cannot add much more than what the other posters have already stated...these are the voices of experience and at this point, reason...they know what they are talking about!

I read your statements about his twitching and obsessive gardening, this just confirms to me that this man IS in active addiction. Your poor daughter probably has no idea what she is getting herself into...even with someome like me who has addiction problems, I failed to see the obvious signs and I actually believed the lies, I wanted to believe them because I truly love this man. But love or not, this is not worth throwing your life away.
The good thing is your daughter has only been with him for a few months so it might make it easier for her to leave him. I will pray for your family and for your daughter I will pray that her eyes are opened...sad to say but it took 3 yrs for mine to finally open. Good luck and God Bless. E

[vicaddict]

Hi, welcome to the forum. I agree with everyone who has replied here. However one thing that I see not mentioned, or not in so many words rather is if this guy is using so much, and sounds like another poster said, is getting high anyway he can..what happens when this guy can't get high, or whatever. I only say this b/c, and I know it has already crossed your mind as a mother, but he could snap on her at anytime. Not to scare you, but if he is into this meth, and then on top of that other stuff? Definitely not a good combo, and your daughter needs to see the "what if's" in this situation.
I can only pray she opens her eyes.
gl

[fishmeal]

Beach is right!!!!

[lonote]

Who would have even known your such a nice guy underneath it all? SSSSSHHHHH mums the word. I won't tell anyone. I speak the truth also and was called on it out here before, so I toned it down. My feelings got hurt.lololol. Anyways I do like your style. You didn't dance around my sitution
either. I didn't like hearing it. But I needed it hear it. And I respect that. Thankyou.....Cathy

[lonote]

Beachtowel, I always enjoy reading your posts. You don't pussyfoot around, do you? I think thats what I like about you

[beachtowel]

I cannot be someone that I am not..........part of my father was blunt honesty,,very very blunt honesty that I could not grasp for many years because of my addiction and the lies.........

I have a very soft side with a huge heart that came back and all the emotions with it when I got clean........
I would do anything for someone who needed help.....but when I meet the addict personality I am ready for battle.........

I appreciate you friendly comments.........

[beachtowel]

If I were a father in this situation I would boot his ass so far away from my daughter he would land on the frigging moon.........
The question if he is a addict or recreational user is a joke!!!!!!!!!
Hes an addict who loves to party........is that what you want for your daughter.........

[grievingwidow]

You asked me earlier if I thought it was possible to just use meth on a recreational basis and sorry I am just now getting back, but you have had some good advice it looks like.  I will say that my nephew used meth for a short period of time and seemed to get off of it without too much trouble. As far as I know, he is not doing it anymore but he does not live close and there is no telling what is going on in actuality.  This guy just sounds like bad news, he is into too much, sounds like he just has to have the high no matter how he gets it.  You daughter just needs to get away while she can.  It would be different if she had been married to him for several years, maybe in that case you could understand her wanting to stick it out for a while, but I see nothing but trouble ahead if your daughter does not get away and do it fast.

Love, Cindy

[fishmeal]

Hey Bernie, welcome to the forum.

My gut reaction is just as yours so stay with it and have this guy either tested or gone.  I'm totally with the guy from Georgia;  that drug is a serious monkey, more like GORILLA, and if this guy is doing pain killers and drinks a lot.....RED FLAGS ALL OVER!  also, what you said about fixating..... that's what meth heads, (I was one), do.  It's called tweaking..... tweaking is like super tunnel vision with high, high energy.  I feel for you.  Get some outside professional help too.  There are counselors out there that can help you come up with ideas.

[lonote]

Thats a tough one. You got me there. From a mothers point of view, maybe he inherited money. Maybe he's dealing. But if he is using  he wouldent have those nice things. Because most of the druggies I knew, well everything you have goes into the dope.So how do you ever get those nice things? They sell everything even their souls for the dope. Maybe ahes arm candy, and he uses recreationaly. The whole thing sounds shady to me.

[Bernie P]

Thanks for your response.  This guy does seem to fixate on things.  He works in his yard like a madman....moving palm trees by himself; planting 40-50 plants and then not liking where they are....and replanting them all over again.  He sometimes winks often when he talks to people.  When I first met this guy, I really liked him.  However, I am now convinced he is on a one-way path to disaster.  On the surface, he has it all together.  Owns his own home which is purportedly beautiful, and has every toy imaginable...including a boat, motorcycle, four-wheeler, brand new truck, not one but two tv's with surround sound.  I know what he does for a living, and although he is probably relatively well paid, I can't figure out how he can have all of this stuff on his salary alone.  Do you think he might be dealing?

[GA Guy]

Nobody will be able to answer the question of if your daughter's bf is able to be an occasional or recreational user. The human being is a particular animal. The one thing that is predictable about humans is that they are unpredictable. Can he be an occasional user? Yes. Is it likely that he's just an occasional user? Probably not. Why do I say this? He's an opiate and alcohol addict. He has an addictive personality. That alone is enough to throw up a red flag.

[GA Guy]

Now you're going into territory that I have no advice about. I never have bought anything from a dealer. However, lots of money with no source of income could be a red flag, too. Anyone else have any advice for Bernie?

[lonote]

I doubt it with his drug history. I've smoked glass before(meth) and did it for about two years and told my husband we have to stop. We were just trying it and it turned into a two year party. Stoped through God's grace. We just stopped. But that would explain his mood swings. Your daughter is young and naive. She wants to believe him. I woulden't trust him out of my sight. He's no good for her. I'm not trying to scare you, but srtoke your daughters esteem. This guy is not in her league. She can do better. Be very careful tho, cause when my parents tried to control me well , you know when we were young, we'd do just the opposite. Its a TOUCHY SITUation. Good luck. She will find someone better. She's just going thru a phase. maybe its the older guy thing. Good luck.

[GA Guy]

I am from the south, where meth addictions are at epidemic proportions. I have never seen a drug physically kill someone like meth does. I haven't met any recreational meth users before. I do know that there are some things that you can look for with meth users. First, they tend to be pickers (picking at the skin until sores develop). Bad teeth, and quick aging are also signs of meth abuse. The last thing I've noticed is that meth users (especially when tweaking) love to fixate on something. I had a friend who would start tweaking and take anything and everything apart (like TV's, etc). So, if this is the stuff your daughter wants to live with, then she's in the right place. I'd try my damnedest to get her away from him (even if I had to turn him in for drug possession). Oh yeah, weaning off of painkillers can be done in as little as 3-7 days, but I think that those are the least of your worries (just my 2 cents worth).

[Bernie P]

Do you know anything about crystal meth?  Is it actually possible to be just an occassional user, and then one day just give it up without professional assistance?

[grievingwidow]

Even though I am addict myself, taking pain pills for 20+ years, I say get your daughter away from this guy, do everything you can think of.  He has way too many things going on and with his addiction history, I doubt very much if he is totally clean from everything unless he has been in a rehab somewhere for the past few months.  I am afraid your daughter has nothing but misery ahead of here unless she ditches this guy before she is in too deep to get out.  I would be devastated if any one of my three girls were to even date someone like this.  So sorry - you never stop worrying about your kids no matter how old they are, if only they could see things through our eyes.  I always tell my girls that all I want is for them to have the best life possible - my only priority.  I doubt very seriously that this is the boyfriend's priority, he is also thinking of himself.  I hope you will somehow be able to make your daughter see the light.

Love, Cindy