making a GRATITUDE list

[hippy]

i have read a few post latley, where people are
down in the dumps or they feel like they are useless.
or there life does not matter.
well i for one have felt all those feeling's and while your going through them it is really hard to breathe let alone
deal with them.
i was taught, when i was full of selfpity, feeling sorry for
myself, it was time to get the focus off of me .
the best way to do that is to reach out to someone else
to lend a helping hand to a new poster to the fourm, welcome
them. anything to get out side of your self.
ONE OF THE BEST THINGs TO DO EACH DAY IS WRITE A GRATITUDE LIST,
MAKE A LIST OF EVERYTHING YOU ARE GRATEFUL TO HAVE IN YOUR LIFE.
when i was asked to do this years ago , i could not do it
because of my anger and denial. at the world and my reality.
i was full of self pity at the time and very ungrateful.
but as time went on ,seemed like i had to do all the things
people suggested sooner or later or learn the hard way.
i  am good at the hard way.
so i started the gratitude list everyday and it began to
ease the pain in my gut.my selpity went away and life started to get better.

[puma]

Sue-z,

I understand the worry and anxiety that some of your family may be feeling for you but once you make that step forward and finally decide to get off the stuff, eventually all of that will fade away slowly.

Everything always takes time, and I know when in that frame of mind it feels like time is dragging like an eternity. I was a wreck when I first discovered this forum a few years ago. Just hang in there. You already have begun your process of recovery by sharing with others and trying to help others. That's just the beginning. It gets better with time. Keep posting and praying and we'll keep supporting. One thing I have always tried to believe in, is to never give up. If you find yourself with little or no strengnth somedays, reach to some of us for some of our extra strength we may have to share that day and by being good listeners. We all know your pain within is hard to overcome but it has been done by many and you can be one of them so long as you NEVER GIVE UP! Take care and God bless.

Chatahan

[suzieneedshelp]

thx chatahan for telling em yur experience./  yes i know..i'm just kinda in a self destructive mode now.  Punnishing possibly myself for divorcing and inflicting all this pain on my x, daughter, parents, brothers, etc.  A lot of guilt here.  Don't get me wrong i know its the right course.  But it is still hurting people i care about.  But no one ever said it would be easy huh?
Thx again,
Suzie

[puma]

Sue-z,

Jessearpy is absolutely correct. I almost accidently did myself in on a mix of high dose Klonopin, Codiene and alcohol. After telling my doc I was having two-hour black-out seizures, she fixed my wagon good by cutting me off on a triple, (five day) detox. That nearly killed me too with the DT'S, so after three weeks she put me back on the Klonopin, but at least I was back off the booze and off the Codiene!!!! The month of February was one of the sickest I have ever been in my life. I really thought I was going to die. Nothing else in my life has compared to it. It majorly SUCKED, but at least I am still alive to tell about it. I may not have been had she not given me the big SLASH-N-CRASH!

Chatahan

[hippy]

hi suszie, i to come from a broken home and also was in
the same boat as you are with my kids.i had a girl from my 1st marrage and a boy by my second wife, and i wound up with
both of them and the parent who gets them on the weekends
just plays with them and takes them to movies and shopping
you know the story,
but don't let it get you down, my kid are 19 and 22 now and they
thank me all the time , it was tough being a single parent
with ex's who gave me no money, i got married to my present wife
when they were 9 and 6 and that was a great help .
but with it came a new set of problems . i had to pay attention to the kids and my wife and it seemed like there was never enough time to go around. but it worked out.
but like i said you are not alone with such problems,
in the end just love them and pay attention to them.
time go's by fast it seem's like yesterday i was taking my son to day care and now he is in his 1st year at sarycuse, and my daughter is married with a 5 year old boy of her own.
and our relation ships are great.and my ex wives are still
doing the same old things, self centered , but they stil  try.

but like i said they are very understanding and grateful of all
that did and all that i gave up.in order to be there for them .
doing the right thing has it's pay off we reap what we sow.
and little kid s are little kids and don't understand the
big picture

your doing a great job, don't let yourself feel bad/
you deserve better, as a responsable parent.
my prayers and respect go out to you

michael

[hippy]

hey there suz we are all here to support you
no matter what, i would reall like to see ya cut out the
acohol , that is very dangerous when taking the pills.
so do youself a big favor and cut out the booze.
i hope you can ,our prayers are with you.
just keep trying.
it will get better

[suzieneedshelp]

Thx to you all..And of course now im taking stadol, pills and drinking!.. yikes.. I know..weak and self destructive.
Suzie

[Sugarbeens]

Hi, just want to offer a little comfort.  Your daughter is young and divorce is hard on them.  As the one who has her most of the time, when she doesn't get her way she may tell you she wants to live with her dad. She only sees the good things now, where he buys her things, etc.  A client of mine told her daughter, after working it out with her ex, to go live with her dad for two weeks and if after that and she still wanted too, than they would try a little longer.  This is a decision she doesn't even know she is making.  I more than guarantee you that both of them will be happy when she comes back home to live with you.  It is the absent parent that always looks like the good guy.  Or maybe consider joint custody, if that is an option for both of you.  I have a 30 year old daughter who I have always been extremely close too and she to me.  I used to have bad PMS and one day when she was 14 she just happened to mention when she was a little upset that maybe she should live with her dad.  I of course went off, crying and said go ahead and very upset.  Later that day, she and I held each other and cried and cried.  Her dad loves her, but, has never been there for her. Believe in your love for her and show her.  Counseling, maybe.  With whole family, even ex.  Good luck.  I am sure you are a good mom.

[suzieneedshelp]

***@****

[GOD]

Suz....

I already e-mailed you this, but I'll put it out HERE on the forum, so that you may REALLY *hopefully* see tonight:

DO NOT MIX ALCOHOL WITH BARBITUATES (FIORICET) AND STADOL
THIS IS A GOD-DAMNED FATAL MIX!

You are too important to your daughter's future to end up with her at your funeral tomorrow, or any day soon.

Thinking of you...
BE CAREFUL.

~~~Jess~~~

[groovygirl]

can you post your email?  i want to tell you something.

[suzieneedshelp]

Just can't find anyone to talk to..so I'll spil my beans here.  My stadol is getting weak.  And should not get it again for 2 more days.  My precious daughter (8 yo) just tod me she wants to live wiht her dad.  Now he picks her up on weekends and only plays wiht her.  I have all the respnsibility all week.  I make her do homework, pay all the bills.  He just bought her a nintendo, so in her view he loves her more.  All her life I am the one who played wiht her, took walks with her, read to her and did her homework wiht her.  He never has once gotten on the floor with her and played .  only read maybe 5 x when i facilitated it.  So..now my heart is breaking.
And how can i tell hera all this.  I can't talk bad about her father.  He worked 14 hours last week.  Doesnt contribute to her private school for dyslexia.  And he loves her more in her eyes.  
Divorce sucks.
Broken hearted.
Suzie

[hippy]

thanks for the support, there is a great web site for xanax
i think it is  benzo.org  you might find it helpful.

peace and keep posting

[shubunkin]

I have posted here a few times but I read daily all of your questions and insight. Hippy, you are truly an inspirational person. I can tell you have great wisdom. I think you help alot of people and if I had a friend like you around I might could get through this Xanax nightmare! Keep up the good post all of you. Look foward to reading them daily! Danielle

[suzieneedshelp]

"To endure quietly, labor happily and serve graciously and never weary is wisdom.  To give unconditionally, share gladly, and teach sincerely and never weary, that is love."
author unknown
Suzie

[suzieneedshelp]

My gratitude list:
(not in thie order)
This forum, and the caring people on it who reach out to one another.
My parents who always love and support me.
My precious daughter who is my heart.
My past life and hardships from which I have been able to grow from.
My home.
My job.
My health, except my dayum headaches.
My open mind.
My inteiilgence.
My caring heart.
My Lord.
The joys of friendship.
The beauty of nature.
And lately, most of all my new dear sweet Jess.
And....Fun, playing.
Talking, sharing ,laughing.
I'm sure there are many more I could think of with more time.
Suzie

[athena]

"What lies behind us and what lies before us,are tiny matters compared to what lies within us."

Ralph Waldo Emerson


I love that quote!

pixi

[cleo101]

I am thankful that i have such a wonderful family now it is time for me to make my self lean on others for a time while i do what i have to do  to be drug free.

I really need to be strong and do what is best
I pray for all of you and I hope you will pray for me.

I have tried tapering i have tried substitution i am mentally adicted i think even much more than physically.

I have to do something soon pray for me so i have the courage to make the soon TODAY instead of tomorrow.

Bless you all

cleo101

[southernbelle]

going to try to sleep now.  peace to all of you.  try to rest well.  one last thought before I sign off for the night though...i was thinking...addicts must be such extra special people.  i believe we all must have extra light or extra special energy or something.  that's why these addictions are trying so hard to "snuff" out what we could be giving to the world.  we can't let that happen.  the darkness is just trying to get rid of our extra special lights, that's all.  we have to be vigilant and not let that happen.  heck, just look at hippy and each of you....such special, wonderful people with such big hearts and so much to give.  what if hippy had given up?  what if we give up?  then the darkness would win.  NOT!!!!
i'm going to try to keep that thought with me over the next few days.  I sure will need it.  I'll be going CT and need all the positive energy I can get.  Peace and love to each and every one of you.  

[Goldenbear]

Hey my toilet has been oveflowing since 1pm. Just plain high on Shi-. Very proud of you Pixi. You too CinCee with having enough strength for you and your sister. You both set great examples for all of us when we become weak. We all become weak and we all need to know it gets better day by day.
Family, Friends, Religion, Rest, Good Food, and lots of "Lovin" helps alot too.
You two have a great night. Its almost 11pm and my wife is batting her eyes at me...
Nighty Night.
Goldenbear

[athena]

Your dawgs just beat our vols this evening but I wont hold it against you.lolIm glad you have an understanding husband.I am divorced but me and my ex are close friends.I just found this forum myself a couple months ago and I feel like I finally fit in,no hiding anything .I can just be myself here and thats a good feeling.I think this place has given a boost to my self esteem.You seem like an awesome person,am Im so glad you found us.Hope you have a peaceful night with no pain.

pixi

[athena]

Hey gb,my toilets been flusing itself too.lolYou should also be proud of yourself.Actually,you gave me the idea of flushing them.I dont think I woulda done it without your encouragement.Im glad you got a laptop.I know you wont have as much free time after you start back to work on Mon. but you have to put that fancy new laptop to use.lol So if you get a minute monday break it in and let us know how things are going.Im going to spend the night in gatlinburg tomorrow but you will be in my thoughts and prayers.Im proud of us gb,we took another big step today.Overcoming serious temptation.

night night
pixi

[southernbelle]

I'm from georgia...been here just about all my life.  Georgia's home.  My accent would make everybody smile.  Y'ALL WOULD JUST LAUGH AND LAUGH AT THE WAY THIS GEORGIA GAL TALKS!  haha
I do want to say, though, that this site is just about the best thing I've ever seen. This is the 1st time I've ever felt connected throughout this hell we know as addiction.  My husband is such an angel --- BUT, he's not addicted to anything.  Folks here understand, you know?  Thanks to everybody.  I can honestly say with all my heart that I love you all.  You don't have to physicaly see somebody to care for them or connect with them.  It's like a second family or something!

[athena]

What state are you from bell?Im in Tennessee.I think im the only addict in this state lol By the way,you are a great addition to this forum.

pixi

[athena]

I understand about the privacy thing,I just worry like an old mother hen lol besides,I miss your cherry posts when your not around.I guess we'll be back in full force next week lol Hope you have a good night cin,your never far from my thoughts.

pixi