memory

[susanlea]

Ok guys I need your help on this one! Most of you now of my ex's addiction to oxy's and now on uncontrolled amounts of methadone. My question is, can these pain killers affect your memory? He thinks he's been giving me over $3500 a month for the past 2 years. Number 1 he wasn't living with me 2 years ago. Number 2 he doesn't make that much, plus has child support of over $1200 a month. I figured out the average he gave me while living here was around $600 a month, plus when he was off work for 3 months because of his addiction, I paid his bills and child support, plus the house, car insurance and everything else. He says we were only together 2 years, we were together almost 6 years! He swears he's given me presents he never gave me.  I really don't know what to make of all this, he's telling me again, his addiction had nothing to do with our problems, that it was all my fault. Gosh, this is getting weirder all the time, he called me the other night asking me to get somethings for him to wire some intakes at his parents house. He already has all this stuff, he moved it to his parents house 6 months ago. I asked him if he wanted to talk to me, he said he had to think about it. He'll  call, but not talk, nothing specific. Came by the other day, said he wanted to see the dog, and just hung around. Am I the one losing it here!? Or have all the drugs over the past 25 years affected the way he thinks? Thanks guys, I really don't understand where he's coming from.....Love Susan

[Milo]

Lea, you've already gotten better advice than I could ever give. Stay strong, and listen to what your heart tells you. Not the romantic heart, but the heart of wisdom and self-knowledge.  I don't want to try to tell you what the right answer is -- but I have confidence that 1) you already know the answer, and 2) you'll be wise & firm in making the choices you face. May you find peace in your life soon -- Milo

[Thomas]

Hi lea, my good friend,
You know, we've talked about all this in one form or another before. If you were on oxy and an "uncontrolled quantity of methadone," what kind of shape would you expect your mind to be in? I don't know how else to say it. This man is on self-destruct. The only question is, is he going to have company while he progresively deteriorates and destroys everything in his life? Don't fall for this guys lame excuses to "see the dog." Give me a break. If life means anything at all to you, save yourself, please. Lock him out of your life FOREVER. In the final outcome, he doesn't really care if he continues to know you or not, and I think you know that.

Love,


Thomas

[Kerrie]

Hi Lea,
   I know I can't add anyhting more than what's been said. But this sounds so much like my daughter. She manipulates me with promises all the time. But I'm getting strongerand wiser thanks to my friends here. She can be an angel when she wants something.She tells me everything I want to hear. But the bottom line is ,she's sick and she's lying. I want her to go to AA or some kind of help program. But she hasn't made a move yet since she saw her probation officer and got out of that problem.
   I can't shut her out of my life Lea,but I'm learning to say no. Now I tell her" don't tell me, show me".
   Forgiving him is right Lea. Like Jesus said " Seven times seventy". But that doesn't mean take him back and let him hurt you and use you. He's sick. But he needs to do something about it and untill he does, the lies will keep coming. I know what you mean about him believing his own stories. My daughter does that. Then she can't remember the things she says and does. I'm in belief that is conveniant amnesia a lot of the time.
   Stay strong and keep him out of your life. You've come a long way. You can do it.
     Your in my prayers,
        Kerrie

[susanlea]

I guess I just needed to hear it from someone else. I know I hold on to the idea that things could work out, he'll get help; he'll get straight. I know unless he works a program, he never will. I really appreciate each and everyone of you, for your support and honesty. My kids and I have been doing well, life has taken on new meaning. I can sit in the back yard, watch the kids, the dogs, and nature and actually notice everything around me, how great it is. For 2 years my life was so wrapped up with his addiction and his actions, I don't think I ever really saw what was happening at the time. I don't have any problems sleeping, eating, working. In fact my production at work has really increased. I'm in telecommunications sales for a major cable co. and WOW! I'm making all kinds of money since he left. My focus has been on my job, not so much him. My children are much happier. People tell me I look much happier and healthier. I didn't realize how my health was suffering while I was obsessing about his life. I will be ok, I think I'm strong enough to do this. I have told him in the past, no program, no rehab, no sponser, no relationship. I don't want to mislead you, he has never said a word to me about getting back together, he just calls, and comes by infrequently. I know I need to get him to come get all his things, so I can finally have closure. It feels like maybe he just went away for awhile, to get his act together as he says, then come back, after making me feel like it was all my fault. I think he wants me to ask him to come back. No way! I just want him to get off this kick, about worrying I'm going to marry someone and ruin my life. First you have to meet someone you like, before that could happen. I hope I don't sound conceited when I say this but I'm nowhere near ugly as he says. I'm 43 but book 33. I'm 5'9 125lbs, toned, long blond hair, I've beem told I look a little like a young Morgan Fairchilde. But he views me as being old and ugley, unapealing, and I believed in for awhile. I has no self esteem left. I'm financially good. I have a nice home on an acre. I have a nice car, I'm doing very well for a single mom. He lives with his mom and dad, no real money. I gave him a fairly new vehicle. He looks like he's 5o, out of shape, long, long hair which he's losing and turning gray. He's now alittle over weight. He has very bad skin. He is a little scary looking at first. He's part Asian, part black. He looks like a heavy metal musican. We look like night and day. But he was a great man, he used to be kind to me and my kids. I really thought we would have a life together. I really loved him. But addiction has it's way of ruining everybodies lives. Thanks again for listening to my obsessions, and my Only If's. I don't mean to sound self-pitying or a victim. I realize I did this to myself. He had no power over me, except what I gave him. You guys will keep me right........Thanks for being my friends....Susan

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

I'm sorry about my Alanon advice. I didn't know you have already been seeking their help. Stay on course the best you can during these trying times. I just want to let you know that my wife never gave up on me, though we went our separate ways several times. I was a class act ******* for the better part of our marriage but have changed my ways. Deep down, I always knew that I was the "bad guy"...and it showed! Today I am trying to make amends by being good, which was my promise to her. I think that she has forgiven me for my past sins...but her memory is uncanny! Whatever happens is God's will, not your's if you believe in the 12 step programs. Just do what's best for you first and the rest will fall into line eventually, by God!

I wish that I could be more helpful but my liver is giving me fits today and I can't stay focused.  J.B.

[cindi]

Hi Hon,,,,I am so very sorry for all you are going through...love... a very difficult and painful thing sometimes...and very sad as well..Like Jb said above  what happens is God's will....it is very hard sometimes to turn our lives and will over to the care of God..as you know him....I have no words of wisdom,  no great words of comfort but, I do however have words for you from one woman to another,  one that is so deeply in love with a man that it scares me at times....I can honestly though tell you what I would do to protect my self and my children,,,my kids especially.....just because you deeply love this man   you are under no obligation to subject yourself to his addiction,,,the verbal abuse, the manipulation and lies etc....one day hon, you will realize this,,,and you will, through the grace of God be able to severe all ties with this guy,,,,this takes time,,,,when a relationship ends, we must mourn it like a death....grieve for it and then get on with life....cut him off,   no contact, none at all...but this will all happen in time,,when you no longer can take the pain, etc...I think I have talked to you before about the grieving process and it is applicable to raltionships as wel...My thoughts and prayers are with you     love to all      cindi