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My Story
I wanted to share my story in case it may help someone out there. I used these kind of boards in the past, and they helped me quite a bit when I was dope sick.
I have been addicted heavily to Oxy's for about 5 years. At my peak, I was downing about 20 x 80mg's......Some days, I would have about 7 or 8 in before lunch time. crazy when I think about it.
I c/t'd 5 times during this 5 year period. 2 of those were successful for more than 4 months, each and the rest were failed attempts...sometimes 2 days, a week, etc. I found c/t got harder after each failed attempt, as you know so clearly what is coming.
Going through that type of withdrawal is very difficult to do without much preparation. I don't think you can care for kids, or have many other people around you that don't know what your going through. Its so emotional, and so demanding of everything you try to do.
On my last round of dealing with taking all these pills, I got arrested at work for having a dealer come to my work and i got caught buying some pills and had to spend 5 days in jail , because of a long weekend before making bail. Let me tell you , that you do not want that to happen. It changes you forever I am afraid. After this happened which was two years ago next month, I stayed off the pills, for about 2 weeks and went right back to them. I was under so much stress, of losing my job, getting arrested, having my parents bail me out, and ashame them, no money, no future, losing my car, my apartment, everything I worked for. I had to sell most of my prized musical equipment, to get by and it all went to ****. I had truly hit rock bottom and was totally desperate. I had tried the methadone program 3 times as well, and I didnt like it and I certainly did not want to be on it at all.
Fact is, after my last relapse , i really knew it was time to get off, and at any cost. There was no alternative. Die , or get off. I choose to get off, and start the program, but this time take it seriously and to do everything I was told, so I did. It took a long time for it to truly work for me, and I stayed the course and went all the way up to 170mg's a day, drink form. ( i live in canada). I stayed at this does, for one year, which was the recommended time to truly make this work. I fiqured, that I was killing myself for 5 years, so a year isnt so bad. Now, that year is only started really once I stopped doing all other pills, and drinking other drugs etc. Once you start peeing clean , than your set. So I did stay clean off of everything for a year and I started to taper off of it. Now, by this time, and during that year I got my life back on track and really changed. I started caring about things again, working in my field, and I even dealt with my court case and house arrest sentence. It helped me sooooo much I cant even tell you.
So, I spent the second year on it, tapering off of it. NOw I was on a very high dose so it took a long time to come off of it. I did it in under a year, so the whole deal was 2 years. I stayed clean the whole time on it, and I had no major problems coming off of it. There were some times, that were hard physically hard(nothing compared to an addition taper) , but not really mentally. I think that is the problem with the additions and c/t's. Sometimes, the emotional side can really mess with you , and cause you to snap.
I have been off of methadone for 3 months now, and doing great. I did realize, that I wasn't totally 100% myself, while on such a high dose, but that is what it took for me to get stable and wake up. I urge everyone to do their own research on this medicence and, try not to listen to the people that are just not ready to take it serioulsy. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but my research tells me that is because 80% of the people are not ready for it yet. Really it should be used a last resort, because there is work to do, and it can be a trap if your not really serious about quitting it, but it forces you to slow down , take a deep breath, get some things dealt with and then when you are in a much better place you work out dealing iwth dealing with tapering off of it, and its way easier.
if anyone out there ever needs to talk, let me know. I am now clean and living a much better life, and i hope I never go back to that. After all that work, and believe me, 2 years getting on and off methadone , is not a walk in the park. I hope to put this past me forever but i never let go of the fact that I can never do that again. It took alot for me to get off. I almost died alot of times. You can stop and you should find anyway possible to do so.
Goodluck and Have faith you will get off of this, dont stop trying just cause you failed. I failed five times and I might fail again. The difference is now I have tools to fight with and I make use of them. Counselling is also important and should be used once you get stable if you choose this path.
cheers,
Oxymoron....
I have been addicted heavily to Oxy's for about 5 years. At my peak, I was downing about 20 x 80mg's......Some days, I would have about 7 or 8 in before lunch time. crazy when I think about it.
I c/t'd 5 times during this 5 year period. 2 of those were successful for more than 4 months, each and the rest were failed attempts...sometimes 2 days, a week, etc. I found c/t got harder after each failed attempt, as you know so clearly what is coming.
Going through that type of withdrawal is very difficult to do without much preparation. I don't think you can care for kids, or have many other people around you that don't know what your going through. Its so emotional, and so demanding of everything you try to do.
On my last round of dealing with taking all these pills, I got arrested at work for having a dealer come to my work and i got caught buying some pills and had to spend 5 days in jail , because of a long weekend before making bail. Let me tell you , that you do not want that to happen. It changes you forever I am afraid. After this happened which was two years ago next month, I stayed off the pills, for about 2 weeks and went right back to them. I was under so much stress, of losing my job, getting arrested, having my parents bail me out, and ashame them, no money, no future, losing my car, my apartment, everything I worked for. I had to sell most of my prized musical equipment, to get by and it all went to ****. I had truly hit rock bottom and was totally desperate. I had tried the methadone program 3 times as well, and I didnt like it and I certainly did not want to be on it at all.
Fact is, after my last relapse , i really knew it was time to get off, and at any cost. There was no alternative. Die , or get off. I choose to get off, and start the program, but this time take it seriously and to do everything I was told, so I did. It took a long time for it to truly work for me, and I stayed the course and went all the way up to 170mg's a day, drink form. ( i live in canada). I stayed at this does, for one year, which was the recommended time to truly make this work. I fiqured, that I was killing myself for 5 years, so a year isnt so bad. Now, that year is only started really once I stopped doing all other pills, and drinking other drugs etc. Once you start peeing clean , than your set. So I did stay clean off of everything for a year and I started to taper off of it. Now, by this time, and during that year I got my life back on track and really changed. I started caring about things again, working in my field, and I even dealt with my court case and house arrest sentence. It helped me sooooo much I cant even tell you.
So, I spent the second year on it, tapering off of it. NOw I was on a very high dose so it took a long time to come off of it. I did it in under a year, so the whole deal was 2 years. I stayed clean the whole time on it, and I had no major problems coming off of it. There were some times, that were hard physically hard(nothing compared to an addition taper) , but not really mentally. I think that is the problem with the additions and c/t's. Sometimes, the emotional side can really mess with you , and cause you to snap.
I have been off of methadone for 3 months now, and doing great. I did realize, that I wasn't totally 100% myself, while on such a high dose, but that is what it took for me to get stable and wake up. I urge everyone to do their own research on this medicence and, try not to listen to the people that are just not ready to take it serioulsy. I know it doesn't work for everyone, but my research tells me that is because 80% of the people are not ready for it yet. Really it should be used a last resort, because there is work to do, and it can be a trap if your not really serious about quitting it, but it forces you to slow down , take a deep breath, get some things dealt with and then when you are in a much better place you work out dealing iwth dealing with tapering off of it, and its way easier.
if anyone out there ever needs to talk, let me know. I am now clean and living a much better life, and i hope I never go back to that. After all that work, and believe me, 2 years getting on and off methadone , is not a walk in the park. I hope to put this past me forever but i never let go of the fact that I can never do that again. It took alot for me to get off. I almost died alot of times. You can stop and you should find anyway possible to do so.
Goodluck and Have faith you will get off of this, dont stop trying just cause you failed. I failed five times and I might fail again. The difference is now I have tools to fight with and I make use of them. Counselling is also important and should be used once you get stable if you choose this path.
cheers,
Oxymoron....
wow....i didnt realize that so many people would reply.
I think back all the time to the c/t wd's. I had the power to toture myself and go through it but not stay away, so wierd.
I find there is such differenent aspects of methadone. At the clinic that i went to, here in canada the rules are very strict and its a pain right in the *** to be honest, espically if you dont drive, and espically if you dont like to follow the rules. I found that there were too many other people at the clinic with horror stories, and it ruined my first 3 chances. You have to get all of the information, from the doctors and the professionals, and make your own decision. Its true that its hard to get off of, but not as hard as 20 80's a day, or whatever you are on....trust me on that one...
Good luck, and if anyone has any questions for me, I would have happy to share. I will pop in once and a while.
Oxy out...
I think back all the time to the c/t wd's. I had the power to toture myself and go through it but not stay away, so wierd.
I find there is such differenent aspects of methadone. At the clinic that i went to, here in canada the rules are very strict and its a pain right in the *** to be honest, espically if you dont drive, and espically if you dont like to follow the rules. I found that there were too many other people at the clinic with horror stories, and it ruined my first 3 chances. You have to get all of the information, from the doctors and the professionals, and make your own decision. Its true that its hard to get off of, but not as hard as 20 80's a day, or whatever you are on....trust me on that one...
Good luck, and if anyone has any questions for me, I would have happy to share. I will pop in once and a while.
Oxy out...
Sounds like your reading my story!!!! Here is a saying that I think you and most others can relate to:
It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own.
GOOD JOB!!!!
It is very easy to forgive others their mistakes; it takes more grit and gumption to forgive them for having witnessed your own.
GOOD JOB!!!!
Congrats to you! thank you so much for taking the time to share your story. I hope you stick around here, you could help alot of people I think.
First of all I love your name.lol I can so relate to your story. Methadone was the only thing that got my bother clean after 30 yrs of drugs and alcohol. The only thing was the clinic was not as eager to taper him as he was. The sad thing with my brother was after finally getting his life back for a few years, cancer took his life. At least we had some very good years with him before he passed.
So glad you have turned your life around. Your story is an inspiration to others. What ever it takes to get clean is the right way. Congrat's to you ! Mary
So glad you have turned your life around. Your story is an inspiration to others. What ever it takes to get clean is the right way. Congrat's to you ! Mary
Nice to meet someone who actually wants to help.
what lurker said!! :-) congrats on being clean.. what a tough road you were on... so good to hear such a wonderful "success" story. thank you so much for sharing, PLEASE continue to do so...
take good care,
mj
take good care,
mj
Thank you for sharing your story. It proves the point...there is NO right or wrong way to get clean and sober ..so long as you end up clean and sober. congratulations on your incredibly hard fought journey.
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