need support

[Lovemomof2]

I have been tapering for awhile now. I have tried to jump off 3x in the past month or so. I am proud to say I haven't taken a pill since 2 in the afternoon on Saturday. I did take suboxone yesterday, but don't plan on taking any more than that. Even with the sub, I felt pretty awful yesterday. Today has been a little better. I guess I am just posting for support. I need all the help I can to hang on. I have 2 small kids at home. I am trying to hang on for them. For my family. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I feel so weak physically at the moment.

[Lovemomof2]

Well, I don't know if I am out of the woods or not.

[Lovemomof2]

I tried again and am now on day 4....almost done but feel so awful right now.

[Lovemomof2]

Thanks Kyle. Your words hit home for me. I've got to do this. Just got to power through it.

[kyle505]

Don't be too hard on yourself. We're addicts; this is what we do. Very few get it the first time out. But this is the moment that will define you. You know exactly what has to be done. It's up to you. No one can do it for you.

[Lovemomof2]

I know, its true. Just need to get it done. Living like this is horrible. I hope the withdrawals are not as intense. It has been 8 hours since the last one (the slip up). Feel bad again. Hope its not like day 1, 4 days ago. Can't believe I allowed this to happen. Stupid.

[kyle505]

You will continue to slip unless you do the things necessary to get and stay clean.  There will always be a reason; you'll always find pills. You'll always find an excuse. I failed for 15 years. I hope it doesn't take you that long to stop believing the BS and wise up.  Now try day 1 again.

[Lovemomof2]

So stupid. I slipped up this afternoon after finding 2. So done. I can't believe I was so weak. I was starting to come around....does this mean starting over again??? Worst mistake. Feel horrible about myself. I want this. I don't care how bad I feel. I have to pull through this. Help!!!!

[weaver71]

You are so close, you have this. I had to go 1 minute at a time sometimes. I just forced recovery to stay in the front of my mind. I drove people around me crazy, because I couldn't be distracted by any other topic of conversation. I passed a lot of time reading old posts and surfing recovery web sites, as I could tell my family was sick of hearing it. Time slowly passed faster and fater, until today, 90 days without my DOC. Now I wish I had more time, as I am a full time college student and still spend more time with my kids than when I was using. Things just keep getting better, just like everyone said they would. 30 min. at a time, that's pretty good. Keep your eyes on the prize. It's so much closer than it feels. Contrats on making it to day 3 and starting day 4.

[kyle505]

There are a couple of things that will help; during detox your body is going through hell. Try to eat. If you can't, then try drinking Ensure. Drink lots of water. If you're visiting the bathroom a lot, be sure to get a beverage that has electrolytes added. You need to stay as nourished as possible.
And remember, the mental side of getting and staying clean is much, much harder than the physical. So many people stumble because they make it through the physical withdrawal and haven't prepared for the mental struggle.
So, three things - cut ALL sources. If you have pills, flush them. If you have a refill in the future, call your doc and cancel. If you can't easily access pills then you won't take them. Next, tell your secret. Family, your doc, pharmacy. This is very hard, embarrassing, humbling, but very necessary. If you don't tell your secret then you will use behind it.
Finally, as suggested above, get some sort of after care - NA meetings, etc.
I've found these three steps to be the foundation for on-going recovery.
The voices never stop; they just get easier to manage the longer you're clean, and the more support you have.

[Norco1947]

Keep tuff girl , 30 min. at a time you can do this . When its very hard get on the computer and read posts to learn & pass the time . I found drinking Ensure ice cold helped my tummy a bit. Also drink tons of water & take your Vit's

[Lovemomof2]

Trying so hard...it is helping to just take 30min. At a time....only have to make it through that. Strange, but today is the first day that I have had stomach problems.

[Lovemomof2]

Really, you should try it. I was shocked about how much better I felt. Every time I have gone, I have taken something positive from it. Try and go to a speaker meeting. You won't regret it and you don't have to share if you don't want to.

[pitbullmom]

for me my whole family r addicts its all i kno.

[pitbullmom]

im still getting courage to go to a meeting i kno i need to in order to recover. u seem to b on the right path

[Lovemomof2]

Thank you! I have been to a meeting. I think I will try and go again tonight. I still feel pretty bad though but think the worst is over.

[pitbullmom]

u can do this u obviously want it very bad. keep going  when u feel weak post. i was weak i coulsnt make it that far. so iv been on sub 5 months and im starting my taper today. hav u been to a meeting? it may help

[Lovemomof2]

Thank you. Today is day 3, almost 4. Trying so hard. Any words of encouragement are appreciated.

[Norco1947]

This can be done . Your to far now to give up. First few days are hard. Then it gets a bit easer day by day. I am on Day #5 CT after 3 week weaning and feeling a bit better then yesterday . Still have some W/D discomfort but liveable now. not like the first 3 days . Read posts about Sub use in detox . Scares the heck out of me seems to be very addictive and tuff to get off of.  Take care   Ron