friend spiralling down

[worriedfriend812]

my friend has turned his back on his friends and business partners.  He's gotten involve with a "recovering" cocaine addict. In a nut shell she just had a kid 6weeks old (the old boyfriend left her and didnt want the child or her)  My friend started dating her and doing lots of coke everyday! he neglected his work and he turned violent towards his best friends and business partners when approached with the problem and he just fell of the face of the earth..quit his job and stopped all communication with his friends. We later found out that they eloped after 3 months and recently ran into a mutual friend at a local bar stating that they were looking for drugs and while at the bar there was a conversation.... her boasting about how she relapsed while she was pregnant.  They acquired a large amount and within a couple hours were in search of more.  Our friend was a husky guy 6 months ago and now is described as scrawney looking/ not healthy.  We also are aware that she gets tested for drugs but we dont know how often and if she is found using she could lose custody of her child.  They are both compusive liars now and live with no sense of responsibility.  we dont know what to do ...if we even can do anything at all.  Is this a lost cause that we are embarking on.  They are a mess.

[worriedfriend812]

off and on the past few years.  I used before and we both quit.  Now since day one of be with his now wife ...he;s been on steadt for 7 months..like i said he is Scawney now he was built bigger than me. like a husky athelete now he looks like an adolescent/skinny teen...real skinny
Note: i used before so i know the signs and what it does to you.

[gizzy32]

i think your doing the right thing by trying, it's worth a shot, but it does sound like he is not ready. i just know that i wish i had family fighting for me to get clean, but it was hard for them to see. don't give up, but don't set yourself up so that it will cause you trouble. if you have to back away, then do so. how long has he been using?

[worriedfriend812]

Yaeh not every makes it and its something i also have to come to terms with..But....i need to see if hes willing. and i may not like what i see or hear and i know its really in THERE OWN has the direction he choses. I hope he has HOPE left.

[newmanagment]

im not saying turn your back on him, but if he is not ready to hear what you are saying, your wasting your time. he has to be ready to quit, or at least admit that he is not in control of his life anymore. otherwise he will say yeah , ok, i understand, then leave , get some dope, and stay even further away from you. i hope for his sake he does meet you, and listens and "hears " what you have to say, and all goes well. but i know cocaine addiction, i moved 1200 miles away so i wouldnt have to listen to my friends and family tell me i had a problem. i was a very hardcore coke smoker for 25 years, and it took me stepping back and looking at my life to decide i want something more. best of luck to you, and i hope your friend decides he wants control of his life back.

[worriedfriend812]

yeah I found out a little too late about the lending of money.  But i have to try to help.  If anything for my own sanity.  I have a responsiblity to the friend i "used to know"........ i made a promise that if anything in our lives ever went wrong....i would'nt turn my back on him. I have NEVER gone back on any promises and I wont on this one.

[gizzy32]

glad he has a good friend like you. i really hope he listen to you cause coke is a dead end road, it just gets worse and worse. i wish you the best of luck and please keep us updated. i am clean from coke 4 months tomorrow and it was a battle getting off that evil sh it

[worriedfriend812]

Not sure until we see the reaction to this meeting...

[worriedfriend812]

oh yes I know them very well.  And its Him whom i was bestfriends with...I practically grew up with the guy.  He was or is like a bother.  And i;m not worried about him not liking me or anything ....that is the leat of my worries. Just need him to get better I'll deal with the aftermath later.

[gizzy32]

are you talking about an intervention for him

[worriedfriend812]

we are going to try to get him SEE himself by bringing old pictures of himself to a meeting we hope he will agree to..saw it in a movie once

[worried878]

Well...do you even know her family?  Maybe work first with his family if you are close to them...again..he has to be ready and has to hit his bottom whatever that may be...keep a channel for communication open and his family needs to know...he may not like u for this at all tho if they do not already know...he will hold it against you...good luck

[worriedfriend812]

thanks for your comment. We are going to try to meet with him if he agrees. And no i dont believe the family even knows about the girls past addiction.  Should we ask them?

[gizzy32]

never say it is a lost cause, but yes once cocaine gets a hold of someone, it takes them down quick. i used for 5 years and became a great liar, a dispicable human being, and did many things i regret and that is what sounds like is happening to your friend now. does he admit he has a problem. this is a deadly drug and we will chose it over family, friends and anything else in life to get high. from what you said it sounds like he is into coke bad now. can you get him to admit he has a problem? that has to take place before anything, he will need some help to get off coke

[newmanagment]

At this stage, i would let your friend go about wut he is doing. he will probably not accept the idea of rehab, detox or anything else right now. best to let him hit his "rock bottom" and come back to his friends and family. then you can offer help. but trying to help him now will probably just make him go further away, if thats possible. you may try to talk to him about how you feel, but if he doesnt listen or seem understanding, he is not ready. sounds to me like they are probably smoking coke, or else the "large amount" woulda lasted longer. when people are smoking cocaine (crack) it tends to run our minds for us, and nothing matters but staying high. do not let him borrow money, be in your house out of your sight , or use your phones, etc.   good luck, and if ya have any more ?s feel free to message me , or repost.. much love...

[Shotrock]

I think they will need to bottom out. Then if you can be there for them that would be awesome. But reality is some people don't make it.   "Man is what he chooses to be and he chooses that for himself "  John Spinklink executed for Murder 1974

[worried878]

Too bad...a hard way to lose a good friend...so sad..and the baby too....there is just not much you can do unless they want to quit....all u can do is keep a line for communication open if he chooses to use it so u can help...good luck with a very sad situation...Is his family aware of all this?