rollar coaster

[RastaP]

Hi guys sorry it's me again... I'm clean one day clean.. yes. thats a start.  I know i wanna be clean more than anything. I just felt helpeless when i slipped up... I'm just super confused man oh man.  I know everything is going to be okay.  I do.. but i have to keep my thoughts strait ya know. i keep getting off track and i let myself get so down... i did talk to my parents.. but i didnt exactally tell them how bad it is... but i think that this will help.. i won't be as tempted to go out as much. I dont want to go to treatment. but i think i must.. but maybe just maybe if i use my head more it'll work out.. I think it's going to.  I just cannot cannot be negative.  I'm beginning to figure out that it's all in my head.. well i knew that but i am really trying to learn why i feel the way i do ya know. TODAY is a new day and i'm leaving all of my **** behind me and forgeting about it. **** that ****. thats my saying.  I do not really know how to deal with this sleep thing thoughhh it drives me nut thats when life is the worst...i gotta dealll

[jillian6]

Congrats on your first day!  I started reading these boards well over a year and a half a go but I rarely posted b/c I was always afraid I'd say something stupid.  This year I finallly got serious about quitting pills and had 1 relapse.  I'm at 30 days now and I'm past the not sleeping and now I sleep all the time!  

Just can't win :).  Whatever you do, don't give in - the people her have given me a lot of positive encouragement and right now, I don't feel like going out much so I use the boards.  

Keep it up!  I finally understand the "one day at a time" thing too - it sounds so simple but it's one of the hardest things to grasp.  Just post if you need anything!

[cathy5841]

hi rasta,  good to see you are still in this battle.  we have to take it all one day at a time and learn to live one day at time to ever make it in recovery...it is much easier to say i dont have to use TODAY than i wont ever use again.  so rasta for today you dont have to use....keep going just one day at a time....we are here for you...BTW, i don understand about the lack of sleep.  i spent many, many late nite hours on this forum....it helped me get through it, it will you too....

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Hey Rasta - - It can turn into quite a fight sometimes ..... but congrats on your day and on your new found direction!!   Most of us here understand the relapse thing ....  and we understand how it may take awhile sometimes before we get it right ....  Just never stop trying .....  

[chanandalerbong1]

hey. i know we have never chatted but i wanted to say you should be proud of yourself for choosing to live a clean life.... relapse is part of recovery many times for most people. so dont beat yourself up.... and that being said giving up your d.o.c. is like suffering through the loss of a very good friend... you know you have memories some good some bad. you would do anything for it. it was your entire life.(eerie how you can desribe what a drug is to you the same way you can a "good friend" right)? anyway, the only other thing i have to say is in no way should you ever forget your past...because if you forget about it you dont learn or take anything from it and that would bever work during your recovery. you can definitely forgive yourself for stuff that has happened in your past.... but dont ever forget. live and learn because once we stop learning new things we stop growing as people and without growth there is only death. you have a healthy hopeful future ahead so take all that you have learned and make a better path for yourself, go to meetings, and use this website when youre feeling low. congrats on day 1!