Craving That Mellow Feeling

[freebird4good]

Today is day 38 for me.  I can't believe that I've made it this long.  I have to keep checking my calendar because I am amazed that I've made it this far and I lose count of the days.  I'm so glad that I have made it this far.

I've been busy this week - thats kept my mind off of the cravings ....this morning I woke up with big time cravings for that "mellow - sedate" feeling.  Last week I filled a rx for 2mg Valium.  I took a 1/2 of one on Wednesday but it did nothing at all for me. I've had a lot of stressful things going on lately maybe thats why the 1mg did nothing for me.
Should I take more ?  Will it make me tired ?  I don't want to sleep during the day, I have too much to do.  I also don't want to feel anxious and stressed out. Will the cravings Ever stop ?? or is this something that I am going to have to live with forever ?

[lurker]

Thank you for your kind words = the funeral was yesterday and it was really very difficult. So many young people came to support Christopher's father and it was really touching.  The retirement center where he worked provided a bus for the residents to come so there were about 30 elderly people that he helped take care of there too.  It was really heartwarming to hear them talk about how much they enjoyed having him help them with their meals and what not.
It is tragic = but now we begin down the road to healing.

[freebird4good]

I'm so sorry about your nephew.  How incredibly sad.  When we lose people that are close to us, its so awfully sad, but when they are so young , its even more difficult.  My thoughts and prayers are with you during this tough time.    
Hang in there and keep on being strong.

[taberry]

Here's what I know about suboxone. I am currently on methadone maintenance and they do offer it at the clinic I attend but not all clinics offer suboxone.  For those already on methadone, they have to be tapered down to a fairly low dose before switching to suboxone. I think they have to be down to around 30 or 20 mg. of methadone. Suboxone withdrawals are supposed to be less severe than those from methadone and that's why some methadone maintained patients who are tapering choose to switch over to suboxone toward the end of their taper. And, yes I have also heard that it is more expensive than methadone but it seems like I have also heard or read that you don't take it every day.  Sorry I can't offer more info. but I would suggest going to the website on of the others posted in their answer to your question.

[lurker]

thanks - it is a really horrible situation.  Suboxone is a partial agonist opiate used to help people come off narcotics w/o withdrawal.  According to my physician, they do use it for Ultram withdrawals.  You should go to suboxone.com and read up about it.  Avis is right, it is extremely expensive w/o insurance.  I paid  $40 for 84 pills and that would have been $492 wo insurance.  However, I didn't need anywhere near that many and so you could get it for less.  Only doctors with special certification can prescribe it.  Take a look at that site and then ask a lot of questions.  Many of us here have used it.

[avisg]

They don't prescribe it for people coming off ultram.... Without ins it is very expensive......
avis

[tramhamilton]

Sorry about your nephew.

[tramhamilton]

What is  suboxone?  Is it better than methadone. How much does it cost without ins. and is it addicting what are the side effects?

[lurker]

I'm on day #8 of Suboxone, haven't taken any today and feel good from a recovery standpoint.  However, I have a really stressful event coming up tomorrow - the funeral of my 18 y/o nephew who was murdered last week.  I am really struggling with that and found myself thinking that I would like to be able to eat a handful of pills and get that warm, fuzzy, energetic feeling for that time.  Then I snapped to and realized that I've been given the gift of no withdrawals and no pain and I'd be an idiot to mess that up. So, here' goes -  I'll deal with it like the people who are not on drugs and I'll cry and I'll be very uncomfortable because I prefer being heavily medicated in social situations but I'll do it without messing up my life.  If I had Valium I'd take it but I talked it over with my sub doctor and decided I didn't want to add any more substances that can cause addiction to my body.  If you need the Valium, you should take small doses as long as you're doing it under the direction of your doctor.  Hang in there.

[freebird4good]

Thank you for the advice, I need it.  I had been thinking  about  the same things that you are saying.  "Since I've gone this long without taking any drugs, I can continue without any. Especially since I've come this far"   I took that 1/2 of Valium which didn't do anything for me this past week.  Aside from caffeine (coffee), I have been clean and thinking more clearly than I have in years.  Its a little scary to live life not being numb
.
Yes my doctor prescribed the Valium for anxiety.  No, my doc doesn't know about my addiction to pain killers, actually I haven't really told anybody aside from this forum.

I guess that I should know better.  I watched my dad suffer through an addiction to Valium in the 70's.  He almost died yet he stll takes them to this day.  I've taken xanax once before, I've never taken Valium, this was the first time and I don't think that I need them.  I need to keep my sanity more than I need to control my anxiety.

When I say "staying busy" I mean that I am recovering from eye surgery this week and running back and forth to eye doctors for checkups and doing other errands that need to be done.  

Thank you again....I don't know what I'd do without you people :)

[ToManyToCount]

I love your day count - you rock.

TMTC

[CATUF]

I have been taught that as a Recovering addict I must avoid ALL mood altering substances.  Any thing that affects my mood is really dangerous.  Using any mood-altering substance can reactivate my addiction, causing a return to what I think is my D.O.C. or I can suddenly find that I have a new D.O.C.  As it says in NA's How it Works: "We are people with the disease of addiction who must abstain from all drugs in order to recover."

I perhaps take a stronger view on this than many in Recovery, but I won't take even non-addictive drugs that have a speed-up or slow-down effect, such as sudafed or Tylenol PM.  Why?  Because I was taught by some highly qualified professionals that it is dangerous for my Recovery.  I used to almost live on sudafed before, so I had a bit of a hard time believing it could cause any problem - it just dried my sinuses up, with no other effect.  But I still followed the directions I was given because that seemed like the right thing to do (even if it was probably over-kill).  

About a year into my Recovery I accidently took a generic sudafed by mistake, thinking it was this other OTC med that was on the approved-list.  Oh My God, what an impact it had on me now that my brain had been returned to some sort of chemical balance.  I took it about an hour before bedtime and I ended up in bed, wided-eyed, feeling exactly like I used to feel when I'd try to go to sleep when the good-buzz from coke was gone, I was exhausted from a long run, but I was still going 100 mph in my head.  It's scary to think that I used to take them by the handful with no noticable affect.

Anyway, I will tell you that benzos are not a good thing to play with.  If you get stuck on them getting off will make getting off pain pills seem like fun - and it can literally take YEARS, instead of months, for your brain function to return to normal.

CATUF
Day-879

[IBKleen]

Day 38 is great.

I am not certain that I read your post correctly? Are you taking valium to get rid of the cravings? If so, that could get you in a world of trouble.

When you say you are "keeping busy" I assume you mean work, home, etc.

For me, it was in the beginning, and always will be important for me to form a good solid support system. I surround myself with recovering addicts who understand and support me. When I have a craving, I talk about it instead of going for a pill to make the cravings go away. That is old behavior and I needed to focus on correcting that.

You may need to discuss your options with your doctor. Presumably he prescribed the valium. Discuss with him/her what your options are.

Take care of yourself......

[lurker]

Congrats on 38 days!  That is really something to be proud of.  I am asking this next question only out of concern - did the doctor who gave you the Valium know you're in recovery?  If so, I think you should take some to get rid of the edgy and anxious feeling.  It's just important that all caregivers know about your addiction so that they  can help you stay clean by keeping you away from addicting drugs and triggers.  Again, congratulations!